Planning is worthless. No matter what I do.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 3, 2010.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am trying HARD not to freak at my husband. I am PO'd and possibly unreasonably. He was going to go for a walk around a lake, which I am not able to do with him. After he got home we were going to go get meat from a store with the best meat in town and a big sale.

    He went before he came home so I wouldn't be "bothered". BEFORE he left I went over a meal plan AND the list for it. I spent 3 HOURS working out meals that would be easy to cook, very inexpensive and that the kids would actually EAT. He had the menus and the list with him. He knew WHY we needed each item.

    We NEEDED ground beef and rump roast, each on sale for $1.99/lb. We also needed chicken, boneless breasts on sale for $2.49 (usually on sale for $3.29 here)This is the ONLY store that does not add dye to their meat, at least in this town. It always looks different than the other meat, but it tastes much better.

    He got ground beef, bacon, and pork steak. I do NOT like to cook a lot of bacon because it can cause migraines. We like pork but it is NOT something the menus can be adapted to. Not meals thank you will eat, anyway. He will eat it roasted or cooked like steak. Period. Not any other way. Not in casseroles. Not with any seasonings.

    But we have a limited budget even with food stamps. Last month he wanted to be in charge of grocery shopping and meals. He ran out of ## 12 days before the month was over. If I did not INSIST on keeping a fairly well stocked pantry we would have had a HUGE problem. By running out I mean we were out of a LOT of things and had NO money to go by more unless we didn't pay the electric bill. NOT a good choice

    It is good he got the ground beef, but the other stuff makes all my planning and lists totally worthless. In a BIG way this feels like a GIANT F' U' and all your hard work from my husband.

    If this was an occasional thing it would be no big deal. But it happens EVERY time I plan something. An outing, a meal, a movie, a birthday, an evening. He feels he can just ignore ALL plans, even if he insisted on something when we made the plans, if he sees something that might be "good". Even on budgets.

    I am usually VERY flexible with him. I try HARD not to get bent out of shape. But right now I am losing the battle to keep from SCREAMING at him. I am going to try to find recipes for the pork but we are STILL going to have to get some beef and some chicken.

    The problem is fixable, I guess. It is just so dagnamit thoughtless and it happens so often.

    Thanks for letting me rant. I know it probably isn't a huge deal, but I worked SO HARD to plan meals with easy cleanup, easy prep, and he just totally wasted all my work. Wasted it because the bacon looked "nice".

    I cannot find the smilie that is just screaming. It is how I feel right now.
  2. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'd be a little more than slightly ticked, too...

    I wish there was a way to commit our hubby's to a single life for a year or two...put them in little houses that they had to run, all by their lonesomes. They had to do ALL their own everything, budgeting, meals, laundry, dishes, CAR REPAIRS....and even throw in management of a kid or two. I think it would open some eyes for husband's like yours and mine.

    I'm sorry, Susie. Little things, when hammered on you over and over and over, become huge. Maybe for the 12 days this month that you don't have money for groceries, you can water dowm some chicken soup for him each day...maybe then he'd get it.
  3. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    I'd be peeved as well. I hope you two can talk about it and figure out how to stop it from reoccuring. Perhaps he doesn't understand that it feels a big Beeeeep when he does it? Some men just don't get it. Sometimes it is just a matter of they really did think they were helping. Only then they end up in the dog house because that kind of "help" wasn't actually helpful. I think its more likely to cheese a woman off when things are tight financially.

    Oddly I went through something kind of similar earlier today and it is unusual for around here. S/O pretty much lets me do my thing with finances and is one of those guys who says do we have money for such and such, or can we afford xyz. He doesn't buy things without asking, other than a cup of coffee or the odd small tool (inexpensive) that he really needs for work or whatever.

    This morning though we had a bit of butting heads. I was glad later on that I didn't throw a total fit. I did however end up in tears which shocked me. I didn't know i was so stressed about money but I was apparently. Strung tight actually. Who knew? He and I certainly knew when the tears flew. All I could say while he stared, shocked at me of all people bursting into tears? I wish you could understand how hard it is to juggle everything and finances especially, and sometimes like today, theres no wiggle room and I can't handle deviating from it because I can't handle trying AGAIN to make sure we can meet all needs on even LESS money. He got it. Gave me a big hug. He came up with "the fix" and then he headed out by himself (still out) to pick up stuff from my list. Lucky for me, I know he will come home with exactly that list and nothing more, nothing less.

    Planning isnt' worthless, if you weren't doing all that planning you and your family would be in a worse predicament. I hope that your husband can understand that when you build those recipes it is based on sales, tastes in the house etc and that surviving and being less stressed depends on following through with what you've planned.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Why can't our families ever realize that if they would always listen to us life would be so much easier? We are suppose to fix everything so let us follow our plans to prevent the problems we will be asked to fix later! I hate hate hate when anyone in my family questions why I am doing something. Just because they don't understand my plan doesn't mean they have a right to redo it which always leaves a mess!

    Are you able to use your plans for the next month?
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Thanks. There is so little that I CAN do physically. My health is in the toilet. The vitamin D deficiency has taken effect to the point that my teeth are crumbling and there is nothing the dentist can do. He cannot do crowns or fillings because even cleaning the teeth makes them crumble. I have NO money to fix them, but as long as I don't mess with them too much and avoid the really crunchy stuff they are not painful. Thank God for that blessing.

    My bones are approaching that step. I never knew that having your bones soften would be painful, but it IS. Add fibromyalgia and arthritis to that and life becomes VERY limited.

    Planning and getting things ready to cook are about all I CAN do. Putting in all that hard work to make sure the meals are easy to make AND to clean and then to have him ignore it all just HURTS.

    He is at the office for the kids museum building their database, so I have time to calm down before I talk to him about this.

    I am sure this stupid headache is NOT making me more reasonable, lol. Part of me wants to shave my head and slap lidoderm patches all over it to see if they would help (lidocaine patches), but I am SURE that it is NOT a good idea, LOL.

    I am glad you can understand. He looked so happy with himself, like a puppy that brought the ball back even though he ruined the entire vegetable garden to go get it. I just wanted to smack him.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I texted him that I needed him to ge what i asked for. He went and got it with-o fussing. He is even going to take care of putting the stuff he bought that I didn't want in the freezer the way I want him to!! That means freezing the pork steaks flat on wax paper on a cookie sheet, with 2 layers of wax paper between each layer if he needs to do 2 layers!! Otherwise it will be imossible to pull out enough for a meal!

    He does try. I appreciate him not giving me grief about making him get more. Now I have to adjust the rest of the list to accommodate the cost of the extra meat.

    At least he tried and he went back.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm glad he went back too. It makes me want to throttle him just a little less.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I swear they just walk around in their own little worlds without ever thinking about what we've planned or done or worked on, etc. It irritates me to NO END when my H clunks into the house wearing his dirty muddy work shoes and walks all over the newly vacuumed and mopped floors....and yes, he KNOWS I just did them. With three dogs and three adults walking on them all week, it's hard to miss when they are clean and the house is fresh smelling.

    I want to smack your H too - lol. Is there a line somewhere?

    Glad he went back to the store without giving you any guff.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sorry about your H. Sigh.

    Im the one who cant shop worth a diddle. I go in and just walk around in a daze going "oh this looks good!" Tony wants to smack I came home yesterday with 4 bags costing $123. He asked me if I had planned out meals. I looked at him like a deer in headlights...uhhhh NO! He asked what I bought...uhhhh....Food! LOL.

    Never send me shopping alone.
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I don't plan meals - but I try to have some basics on hand so whatever it is I decide to make, I have the ingredients. For instance, lots of assorted frozen veggies, chicken breasts or thighs, ground beef, noodles, and lots of different spices.

    SO - Monday I was able to make homemade chicken noodle soup with veggies...
    Lasagna last week, as well as spaghetti... Lemon Pepper Tilapia with wild rice... Chicken fettucine alfredo with whole wheat noodles (homemade)... You get the idea.

    But no, husband is not allowed to go alone, either.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow are talented! Im doing good if I can throw together corn dogs and mac and cheese!

    I am so tired of cooking after all these years that my idea of dinner is take If I have to eat another serving of spaghetti I think I will die. We had it at least 2 or 3 times a week in some form or fashion all the years the boys were growing up. I am just tired of food to be honest. You would think I would be losing weight.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Seriously Janet - you hit the nail on the head! That's how I feel! I'm tired of having to plan, shop for, cook and eat meals (and clean up!). I wish I could just take a vaca from eating altogether for about a month. Maybe by then I will be inspired again.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) You're thread title has been the story of my life for two years so I can relate to that frustration.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Errr... Not. Rice a Roni in dish, fish on top, lemon pepper seasoning, bake. (or chicken)

    husband makes the homemade noodles. Saute chicken in italian dressing, dump it in noodles with broccoli and jarred sauce.

    Brown ground beef with italian seasonings (I think it has garlic, onion, basil, rosemary, oregano, red pepper?), dump in with noodles and jarred sauce.

    Lasagna is for when I have time as it has to really be assembled.

    I do love to bake bread but hate kneading, so I use the food processor for that part.

    I do other stuff when/if I have time/energy. I try to stay away from too many processed foods - my Mom is an EXCELLENT cook so I didn't have them much as a kid. As a consequence - I don't like them much.
  15. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    What's getting to me right now is the fact that it's so bleepin' hot that I don't want to heat up the kitchen to cook, let alone clean it up afterwards. And no matter how hard I try to plan out meals, I end up with bits and pieces that don't go together, and I still end up either running to the store or sending someone for specifics. Which leads to another problem..if I send Miss KT, she "can't find" whatever it is, and calls me ten million times, chatting while she wanders around the store. If I send Hubby, he brings home what I asked for, but three times more, and chips and clam dip. Revolting.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's why I love the grill!! Meat goes straight on with "whatever" sprinkled or poured on it; vegies are washed, wrapped, and tossed on. Cleanup consists of throwing away the foil that wrapped the vegies. Garlic toast goes in the toaster oven, salads are made in the bowls they will be eaten from.
  17. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    <===what k said.
  18. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Love love LOVE the grill for that exact reason.

    And we just got a "new to us" gas grill, so not even the mess of starting charcoal now.

    Me so spoiled!
  19. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    We don't have a grill. I had saved enough to buy one but had to buy rx medications instead. He spent alot of time pouting about having to do all the work with the meat (he agreed to do it before I made the list). Then he proceeded to do exactly the opposite of everything I asked him to do. Brown 7 lbs of the ground beef and make 3 of them into taco meat, leave the rest plain, put in 1 lb bags. Nope. 10 lbs of patties. Pouted and fussed when I was upset with that. On and on and on.

    So I got upset and told him he had to make roast beef, baked potatoes, corn and salad for dinner, with bread or rolls. AND he had to go to the store to get the potatoes, bread, salad and a couple of other things on my list. (All of that was on the grocery list, I just didn't give him the entire list.) He is upset because he wanted to play some game on facebook all day until 6:30 when thank you's friend has to go home and he is going to church to audition for the choir because they asked him to.

    He is doing what I want. I don't care if he is happy about it. Not. One. Bit. I want to give him a big raspberry like Bill the Cat used to!
  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh yeah. The smack husband line might start here in MO