My 32 year old son was released from jail a week and a half ago. He'd been incarcerated for most of the last 3 years. He is controlling and narcissistic, won't listen to anyone, wants little to do with me except to rescue him or to take care of his problems. Over the years I've gotten stronger and have set firmer boundaries, so he can't live with us or come to the house. My husband, his stepdad, wants nothing to do with him because he has made up lies and has been threatening in the past and never apologized. My son keeps saying he wants to be part of the family and doesn't understand why we are so mean to him. He is trying to get custody of his 3 year old daughter who is in foster care. I keep lying to myself that he has changed, so I agreed to give him financial help to get on his feet. I didn't attach any strings, and already I see him making incredibly short-sighted choices. The money will be gone soon, and I feel like, once again, I threw good money after bad. I feel like an idiot, but I keep playing these mind games with myself that he feels rejected by us, and that if we just let him at least come to the house to visit, things would be okay. I know this isn't logical because even when I think of having him at my home, my PTSD kicks in. Still, I'm beating myself up and am almost making myself sick thinking about him blaming me and harassing me when things fall apart again. How do I get out of this FOG? Any advice is appreciated. I've done years of therapy, 12 step, etc., but I still have so far to go to really detach.