Please cross fingers, pray, send me good wishes, etc...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Mar 23, 2012.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    My kids' dad pulled a fast one and did not show up at our meeting place to take them on his scheduled weekend last Friday. When I called him he simply stated he did not want them for the weekend because he had plans and then he hung up on me. He later texted me and told me he did it on purpose out of spite because I opened a child support case against him. In the last month he has sent me hate texts and phone calls telling me how much I am ruining his life and he keeps badgering me to close the case. I refuse. difficult child 1 texted him asking why he did not show up. He lied to her and told her he "forgot" he was supposed to take them. He promised he would take them this weekend and do something "fun." I have no idea what he is going to pull tonight. I hope it is not the same as last weekend. I really really really need the break. The kids hate going there and I feel guilty about sending them, but I really count on those breaks every now and then.

    I have had the kids three weekends in a row and they have been on their worst behavior. I don't know how much more I can take. difficult child 2 and his hyperness have sent my anxiety skyrocketing these last few weeks. He has been antagonizing his sister like crazy and she has been retaliating by throwing objects at him, hitting him, kicking him, smothering him with blankets, and so on. He keeps going back for more. difficult child 1 has been more obstinate than usual. A few days ago I tried to get her to put her face cream on for her acne and she responded by grabbing me, pushing me, and hitting me. Her attitude is at it's worst. My anxiety is in overdrive, and my next psychiatrist appointment isn't until next month. I need an adjustment with my medications but for now I'm just dealing with it the best I can. I really hope ex plays nice this weekend and takes both kids. We are moving next weekend and I have packing all day tomorrow. My boyfriend is taking me to dinner and drinks later that night. I need to recoup and unwind. Please send good thoughts my way. I have already said a prayer and I hope it works.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You have all the good wishes I can send!

    I was wondering if you feel safe with your kids? The one who tried to smother the other one sounds like she/he may not be safe at home. She is also assaulting you. What do you do when this happens?
  3. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Thanks Midwest Mom. To answer your question, I generally feel safe around my kids. When difficult child 1 smothered difficult child 2 it was basically for a few second before she let him go. Still not the best way to handle it, I know, but right now I don't know what to do. I don't know which one makes me more mad. difficult child 1 for abusing him or difficult child 2 for starting it. He will go out of his way to antagonize her. He will jump on her or hug her really hard when she is doing something quiet like drawing or watching TV. Every time there's even a few minutes of peace and quiet difficult child 2 goes and ruins it. If he is not bothering his sister, he is jumping on the bed, slamming into walls, or grabbing the cat and bothering him. difficult child 2 rarely hits me but when she does I simply yell at her to stop. I have tried taking away her cell phone but she is bigger and stronger than me and she will grab it out of my hands and run or she will push me or grab my arm really hard. At this point I don't know what to do. Ex is no help. I have brought up these behaviors in the past and all he does is blame me and tell me I am not a good parent. He has threatened to take away the kids in the past and use my mental instability and recent hospital stays against me. I feel like I'm at a such a loss.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I hope that your ex show up and takes the kids for the weekend because it sounds like you can really use a break. Sending good thoughts your way.
  5. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I was just curious of what supports or services might be available to you in your area for the difficult children through mental health? Do the difficult child have a treatment team or just a dr providing medication?
  6. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Bunny, thanks for the well wishes. Tiapet, difficult child 1 has limited services from the county. She has a therapist who sees her once a week at school. That's pretty much it for her. difficult child 2 has not been diagnosed formally yet. We have our first psychiatrist appointment on April 2nd. I am going to request an IEP for him for next year when he starts middle school (so dreading) where I'm sure his challenges will be multiplied times ten. As far as medications for him I don't to put him on any stimulants if he does in fact have ADHD. difficult child 1 had a psychotic episode when she tried Adderall and it scared me away from those types of medications for good.
    For him I suspect behavior therapy will the the route to go with him.
  7. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    california, I can understand your point about being scared away after the adderall experience. My oldest, many years ago was put on that (though not the first one tried) and it too made her psychotic and very aggressive. I can tell you that with 3 difficult children we've been on, I think, every kind there is out there with at least one of them. It's finding the right one for the individual child.

    It is scary but I learned long ago after not wanting my kids on them that it did help and without it the kids suffered in many ways. Socially, academically, etc. It is a personal choice I do understand but sometimes behavior therapy might not be the only thing that will help, especially going into middle school where the issues will be a whole lot more to have to handle then a big adjustment academically (class structure changes, timing, expectations) but also the social issues begin to ramp up and then of course hormones. Just something to think about.

    I was just wondering out loud if there were some additional supports for you and them. This way it may not be so overwhelming. Some areas have more to offer then others and it's usually a matter of checking into it, asking around, asking those in the area, or even connecting with other people online who live in the area that might know (like perhaps support groups local to the area that might be able to steer you towards information). Anything that might help you not get so overwhelmed in the long run helps them and keeps your ex off your back and gives him no reason to make the statements he makes.
  8. keista

    keista New Member

    ((((HUGS)))) Hope the ex "mans up" and you get the peaceful weekend you deserve.

    by the way is it possible to keep a record of all those texts he sends you? If not the words, the time logs? Keep a diary and copy the texts into it to keep the record. In family/civil courts diaries can be admitted into evidence - ie proof he doesn't really want the kids anyway since he refuses his visits with them.
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Did the ex show up and take the kids for the weekend? I hope you have a peaceful weekend.
  10. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Yes my ex showed up thank goodness. I had a lovely weekend. Spent Friday night by myself (I SO appreciate my alone time) had a couple of glasses of wine and watched the Lakers game. Saturday afternoon my mom came over and helped me pack because we are moving this weekend. My boyfriend picked me up and took me to dinner and later a club to listen to some music. It was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Now with my ex and how he treated my daughter it's another story. I will post about what happened later.
  11. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm getting here late but I'm glad all those good wishes, crossed fingers, etc... worked! So glad you had a good weekend in spite of what happened with your ex and daughter. Seems like there's always something... Hope the move goes smoothly and you're able to have many more fun weekends without the "garbage" from your ex. SFR