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Please help - any advice welcomed regarding suicide
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706578" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I did not respond to your question. I am sorry. I will now:</p><p></p><p>I think you cannot wait for his birthday or just before it, to act. I will tell you what I would do: I would accept that what I can do is limited. That the only change will come from your son's decisions to help himself.</p><p></p><p>There is no way to evaluate what part of your son's statements are manipulative. They should be taken seriously. If a statement is made or you have reason to believe he may be actively suicidal, I would call 911.</p><p></p><p>What I describe here, is what I would do with my own son. Not what you could or should do with your own. I would begin to put pressure on him to act proactively or to leave. I would not wait. I mentioned Job Corps. I insisted my son go. It is in the USA. I am not sure where you live.</p><p></p><p>If my son still made suicidal statements I would insist he go to residential treatment, or to be hospitalized. I would not let him spend his life withdrawn into his room. This is not reality. The longer you wait, the worse this will get. His birthday will be upon you and there will possibly be a crisis.</p><p></p><p>If he does not want treatment, that is his right. But it is also your right to ask him to leave.</p><p></p><p>In my son's case this was the only way he learned. He learned that he could not depend upon other people to house him indefinitely and without conditions. He learned he did not like to live homeless or near the street. He became motivated to some extent to avoid these things. My son has been volatile. When he sees how difficult his life becomes when we become afraid of his acting out, he seems motivated to moderate his behavior. He is growing in empathy. And self-control.</p><p></p><p>These kids cannot be allowed to win. Because what they win is to their detriment. Yes. They can die. They can kill themselves. But controlling and manipulating us through our fear and love; allowing them to weaken themselves and circumscribe their potential by only doing stuff to mindlessly distract themselves, while avoiding real life--is this better?</p><p></p><p>Your son is calling the shots. He does not have the experience or the capacity to realize how much he is damaging himself. You do. Our responsibility is to act from that responsibility. Not our fear.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting. It helps. It really does. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706578, member: 18958"] I did not respond to your question. I am sorry. I will now: I think you cannot wait for his birthday or just before it, to act. I will tell you what I would do: I would accept that what I can do is limited. That the only change will come from your son's decisions to help himself. There is no way to evaluate what part of your son's statements are manipulative. They should be taken seriously. If a statement is made or you have reason to believe he may be actively suicidal, I would call 911. What I describe here, is what I would do with my own son. Not what you could or should do with your own. I would begin to put pressure on him to act proactively or to leave. I would not wait. I mentioned Job Corps. I insisted my son go. It is in the USA. I am not sure where you live. If my son still made suicidal statements I would insist he go to residential treatment, or to be hospitalized. I would not let him spend his life withdrawn into his room. This is not reality. The longer you wait, the worse this will get. His birthday will be upon you and there will possibly be a crisis. If he does not want treatment, that is his right. But it is also your right to ask him to leave. In my son's case this was the only way he learned. He learned that he could not depend upon other people to house him indefinitely and without conditions. He learned he did not like to live homeless or near the street. He became motivated to some extent to avoid these things. My son has been volatile. When he sees how difficult his life becomes when we become afraid of his acting out, he seems motivated to moderate his behavior. He is growing in empathy. And self-control. These kids cannot be allowed to win. Because what they win is to their detriment. Yes. They can die. They can kill themselves. But controlling and manipulating us through our fear and love; allowing them to weaken themselves and circumscribe their potential by only doing stuff to mindlessly distract themselves, while avoiding real life--is this better? Your son is calling the shots. He does not have the experience or the capacity to realize how much he is damaging himself. You do. Our responsibility is to act from that responsibility. Not our fear. I hope you keep posting. It helps. It really does. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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Please help - any advice welcomed regarding suicide
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