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Please help - any advice welcomed regarding suicide
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 711195" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>There are no good answers. You have no good choice. It is a question of choosing the best option you have, none of which has any guarantees. (I apologize my computer is acting up so I must keep it short, and unfortunately, direct.)</p><p>Right now your son has all of the power. I feel confident to say that he has incentive to indulge his fantasies because he has a captive audience. I could even argue that he is more at risk because you are acting from a sense of helplessness. It is as if your passivity nay give him more room and license to indulge what are thus far fantasies.</p><p></p><p>We cannot keep our children safe, happy or even alive. Once they are adults only they can do that, but it takes time and work to turn a life around. I lament that my son does not seem to have the wherewithal to make the changes that would turn his life around. But all I can do is learn how to be stronger myself, so that I can tolerate the not knowing and be there in such a way that is not destructive to myself or to him.</p><p></p><p>I posted before, I think, that I believe I cannot and should not allow my adult child on my dime in our house to act self-destructively, by that I mean, mentally ill, refusing treatment, and achieving power by threats of self-harm. I will not tolerate it, and I did tell him to leave. He had to choose or live or die, and now the threats have stopped. It was illusory to believe that anything I did or did not say or do, could have protected him.</p><p></p><p>You have value and so does your other son and other children, if you have them. Your son is inflicting harm on all of you. There is a line to be drawn. He must accept treatment. But you cannot force it. But you can draw lines in your home and with your own acceptance of the status quo or not. There is no incentive as it stands for your son to change, until you by your conduct set a limit. This entails risk. But there is risk in the present situation which has gone on too long.</p><p></p><p>I do not remember if you are in therapy, and getting help and support, whether Al Anon or therapy or spiritual guidance. You are victims here just as surely as is your son, or more. Your pain matters. There is a point where nobody could tolerate this ongoing trauma you are enduring. And you become as vulnerable or more than is your son.</p><p></p><p>I urge you to keep posting, beginning new threads to clarify the important questions and potential courses of action.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 711195, member: 18958"] There are no good answers. You have no good choice. It is a question of choosing the best option you have, none of which has any guarantees. (I apologize my computer is acting up so I must keep it short, and unfortunately, direct.) Right now your son has all of the power. I feel confident to say that he has incentive to indulge his fantasies because he has a captive audience. I could even argue that he is more at risk because you are acting from a sense of helplessness. It is as if your passivity nay give him more room and license to indulge what are thus far fantasies. We cannot keep our children safe, happy or even alive. Once they are adults only they can do that, but it takes time and work to turn a life around. I lament that my son does not seem to have the wherewithal to make the changes that would turn his life around. But all I can do is learn how to be stronger myself, so that I can tolerate the not knowing and be there in such a way that is not destructive to myself or to him. I posted before, I think, that I believe I cannot and should not allow my adult child on my dime in our house to act self-destructively, by that I mean, mentally ill, refusing treatment, and achieving power by threats of self-harm. I will not tolerate it, and I did tell him to leave. He had to choose or live or die, and now the threats have stopped. It was illusory to believe that anything I did or did not say or do, could have protected him. You have value and so does your other son and other children, if you have them. Your son is inflicting harm on all of you. There is a line to be drawn. He must accept treatment. But you cannot force it. But you can draw lines in your home and with your own acceptance of the status quo or not. There is no incentive as it stands for your son to change, until you by your conduct set a limit. This entails risk. But there is risk in the present situation which has gone on too long. I do not remember if you are in therapy, and getting help and support, whether Al Anon or therapy or spiritual guidance. You are victims here just as surely as is your son, or more. Your pain matters. There is a point where nobody could tolerate this ongoing trauma you are enduring. And you become as vulnerable or more than is your son. I urge you to keep posting, beginning new threads to clarify the important questions and potential courses of action. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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