I am definitely telling her probation officer and the place she takes her drug & alcohol group at. It will definitely be failed probation. She will definitely go to lock up. Actually, that is all I have to do is report it to her probation officer. When I had talked to her the other day she was planning on sanctioning difficult child if she didn't have her community hours finished and she told me that is the last one and she will have to go in front of the judge. I would think this is a much harsher violation of probation. She will be going in front of the judge and I pray to God that they send her to rehab. I don't know what she is going to do tonight. She will not be staying here. I will not have this in my home. I am going to crush the pipe. For sure.
It's a frightening lonely road when you have to make decisions regarding addiction. Only you know your difficult child well enough to figure out the next step. Alot depends on where you live and a whole lot depends on the personality of the PO.,,,but, some communities will only add more community service or an outpatient class or program. Where we live they go for the maximum punishment most of the time unless you have a private attorney. Sorry you are facing this trauma. Don't assume, however, that she will be sent to a program. With the economy that is happening less and less frequently. Hugs. DDD
Oh I am totally willing to have my insurance pay for it! I just need the judge to sentence it. I think if the state doesn't have to fund it, they shouldn't have a problem backing me up. I hope? She cannot stay here. I will offer to bring her to an acute facility until her case manger can find a program, but she is not staying here.
I did put the call in to her PO - left a voicemail letting her know the bad news. difficult child will have to suffer the consequences of her use. Now I am waiting for her case manger to get in so I can inform him that she had us all snowed and that he should get back to finding a program...
I just talked to her case manager at the drug and alcohol center and he is putting a list of programs together immediately. She had us all snowed. She sent me a text saying she has a ride from community service and she will let me know what her decision is. I told her again that she is not staying here. Little does she know if she doesn't go on her own, she is probably going to lock up when we go in front of the judge. Well, hopefully rehab, if they allow it.
I haven't even told husband yet. He is going to really lose it. She may never be allowed through our door again.
DON"T CRUSH THE PIPE!! If you have already crushed it, wear gloves and put the pieces into a ziploc. The PO/courts may need the pipe to prove that she had it. They will also test the glass for residue of meth and this can become a charge if she is belligerent.
This is hard to handle. I know that I would very likely call the police if we were in your shoes. Your difficult child has had so so so many chances, and each time seh finds a way to sink more. While having a child behind bars is completely heartbreaking, it is a way to at least limit the amt of drugs she can get and use. Maybe some time in prison or jail would change her attitude and she would be more receptive to actualy treatment.
But that is what I think I would do if it was my child. As I haven't been there, I cannot tell you whether to call or not. I do know that crushing the pipe isn't necessarily the right thing - better to give it to the PO and let them get rid of it than to crush it yourself and maybe not have all the proof needed to psuh difficult child into some kind of program that might help her.
I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this. Many many hugs.
Oh, I am sure. I never knew what a meth pipe looked like before, until I found one and looked it up. It is also pretty laden with residue. She didn't deny it. She was only upset I had gone through her things. She isn't coming back here. I don't think I would even want her back here after completing a program.
Make sure you tell PO and everyone else that you want to send her to a rehab, your insurance will pay for it, you have one lined upm, etc. They can make it a parole/probation requirement under those circumstances. I'm not sure a judge can order it if court funding isn't paying for it but that's not the same thing as a probation/parole requirement, technically, even though the impact on the difficult child is the same- do it or get locked up.
Speaking from (my sister's) experience, you can lead a horse to rehab but you cannot make him think...
My nephew had court-ordered rehab a number of times and he kept checking himself out, walking out os simply not going. Eventually he got serious jail time for a combination of refusal to go to rehab plus all the crimes he was committing to steal enough to pay for an increasingly serious drug habit.
My sister spent 20 years not knowing what was happening to her son. He would appear for a while, usually with another girlfriend and baby, then disappear again. I think he has four kids but I'm not sure. Only the eldest is in dad's life. My nephew is now out of jail, clean and trying to live a decent life with what is left of his brain function after he burned it out so badly. He says he is a walking example of what not to do with your life.
I spent some time talking to him at his sister's wedding last October. I really do believe he is straight. His older brother, who totally disowned him (a former cop!) is on good terms with him again. Their father was himself a waste of space and the son won't ever have anything to do with him. I think my nephew felt vindicated at his sister's wedding, because everyone witnessed their father's bad behaviour.
So very sad.
But my nephew himself says, "I had to clean myself up. Mum tried for years but I wouldn't do it. I wasn't ready. I was an idiot, but she didn't make me an idiot. I did it all to myself."
I agree with Marg. After living through years of addiction with bff........... you must convince yourself and husband that you can't force rehab on her. You can give her the opportunity, but the rest has to be up to her and her alone. If she is not ready, you can spend a fortune on rehab (or the state can) and it won't have any effect at all.
Hold on to the crushed pipe, you probably will need it for evidence.
I'm so very sorry you're having to live this nitemare. Prayers going up for you and the family.
I know how hard this is for you having lived through it for so many years. Sadly I don't think you ever get used to it, or even numb to the discovery of the habits of the addict. Eventually if you allow it to happen you start to feel like the worlds number one detective recognizing the signs and feeling the most empty pit in your gut when your inclinations are proven correct. You stand on the edge of 'I think I'm right hoping against hope that you are incorrect, then WHAM' it's a vicious cycle - no different than the abuse of the drug user. Harder I think to recognize, because you aren't the one doing the drugs - so you figure -meh - I'm okay it's HER that has the problem. I will fix this or push her in the direction of help and my life will be okay once she has help. Please be very careful of this once and done thinking.
Out the door does not mean, out of your head, out of your heart, out of your life, out of your daily mind replay over and over and over and over. What could I have done, What didn't I do, What can I do now, What can I say that is right, What will I say that is wrong, IF I do this will the abuser do that, If I bring up THIS will it undo weeks of therapy and cause the abuser to relapse, If I voice my anger towards the abuser should it be NOW, later? I mean all these emotions and questions are legitimate feelings that YOU and your husband NEED to deal with NOW. Not in a month, not in a year, not when she finds sobriety. Not if she relapses. The guilt can tear you apart, ruin your relationship, eat you alive and you may or may not even recognize it. It can also consume you with trying to find cures, clues, articles, internet folk - about how to help or not to help or what do I do for her, for myself? It will MAKE YOU NUTS.
I spent nearly 15 years in thearpy because of an addict - and I'm happy to say that when I was done with therapy (not just for his addictions - a lot of other problems too) I still can't advise anyone on what is the best thing to do. Report it, don't report it - You have to go with your gut - and you did. I'm proud of you. It took a lot of courage to do what you did. Now take just a little bit MORE of that same courage and do something for yourself and find a counselor to talk to - really. Really.
This is going to take more effort on your part than you ever realized. And we'll be here for support. ANYTIME.
Hugs & Love from the very bottom of my heart.
husband unfortunately has dealt with alot of teens addicted. i would suggest doing just that advising the ppl you have to, let them take the appropriate steps. i'Tourette's Syndrome horrible i know and it hurts and i'm so so sorry. yet the only way and addict of any kind beats it sometimes and most times is by hitting rock bottom. everyone's rock bottom is just different.
you can't ignore it clearly this you know unfortunately, and dont' destroy it ziploc it, do a sweep of room for anything else you can find. report it right away.
sending you alot of hugs. you know it's good you found it. i know this sounds insane yet it's a plus you found it and one step closer to beating it.
i'm also with Star. you have to go seek someone to talk to for you too just as a support measure. your doing the right thing. the right things always tend to be hard. yet if it's ever going end you gotta keep you ok too thru it. it's so gut wrenching our kids in one way or another. yet i know from personal experience you gotta live too, you deserve a life. that may be absurd right now to even hear. yet at some point the seperation of difficult child's problems and your life has to occur for you to stay healthy thru it for you.