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Please help me with my adult son :(
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 679435" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>More people who have been or are in your circumstances will see your post on P.E.`You can ask the administrator to move your thread over or copy it and post it there.</p><p>I have learned that it is best to ignore what I want or feel. Your son is responsible. Not you. It is one thing to want to help, it is another thing to override your feelings and your sense of your best interests.</p><p>You have already let him stay a short time. You have the right to decide based upon what is best for you. </p><p></p><p>If he relapsed it would not be you that chose this. If you defer in every single way, to his comfort and convenience, this does not guarantee that he will not relapse. In the first and last of it, it is about him and his choices. In his readiness now to commit to recovery and to get the supports to be clean and to stay clean. His mother and father are not those needed supports. </p><p></p><p>Those supports are most likely be available in working through parole and social services. I worked for prisons. Prisoners are made aware of community resources. If he attended 12 step groups in prison he knows what he needs to do. </p><p></p><p>To deny your own feelings and comfort and security, by putting him over you, is to enable. I think.</p><p></p><p>My son wanted to be here in my home. I relented two nights and I insisted he leave. I could not stand it. That is not to say you should do the same. But I would understand if you did.</p><p>You do not have the power to stop him if he chooses to use. He will use if he wants to use. You cannot do one thing to stop him. He may use that as an excuse to himself or to you. That does not make it so.</p><p>Do you see how disrespectful of your son that is to override your best interests? Each of you is a responsible adult. You are no longer responsible for him. He is. To try to take responsibility, by putting yourself at risk is to disrespect yourself and him. He deserves that you act from care and responsibility to yourself and to allow him to be responsible for himself.</p><p>A week is a good start. </p><p></p><p>Only you can decide what you can do or should do or want to do. I know what I would do. Only you can decide for you.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. I am glad you are here. Take care.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 679435, member: 18958"] More people who have been or are in your circumstances will see your post on P.E.`You can ask the administrator to move your thread over or copy it and post it there. I have learned that it is best to ignore what I want or feel. Your son is responsible. Not you. It is one thing to want to help, it is another thing to override your feelings and your sense of your best interests. You have already let him stay a short time. You have the right to decide based upon what is best for you. If he relapsed it would not be you that chose this. If you defer in every single way, to his comfort and convenience, this does not guarantee that he will not relapse. In the first and last of it, it is about him and his choices. In his readiness now to commit to recovery and to get the supports to be clean and to stay clean. His mother and father are not those needed supports. Those supports are most likely be available in working through parole and social services. I worked for prisons. Prisoners are made aware of community resources. If he attended 12 step groups in prison he knows what he needs to do. To deny your own feelings and comfort and security, by putting him over you, is to enable. I think. My son wanted to be here in my home. I relented two nights and I insisted he leave. I could not stand it. That is not to say you should do the same. But I would understand if you did. You do not have the power to stop him if he chooses to use. He will use if he wants to use. You cannot do one thing to stop him. He may use that as an excuse to himself or to you. That does not make it so. Do you see how disrespectful of your son that is to override your best interests? Each of you is a responsible adult. You are no longer responsible for him. He is. To try to take responsibility, by putting yourself at risk is to disrespect yourself and him. He deserves that you act from care and responsibility to yourself and to allow him to be responsible for himself. A week is a good start. Only you can decide what you can do or should do or want to do. I know what I would do. Only you can decide for you. Keep posting. I am glad you are here. Take care. COPA [/QUOTE]
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Please help me with my adult son :(
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