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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725612" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry you are dealing with this. It is very scary. I have truly been in your shoes with a violent son who was larger than I was and hated me. </p><p></p><p>If he can go to his father's house, that is worth a try. At least you will be able to tell the mental health services that you have tried it. Often you have to be able to tell them you have tried everything before they take you seriously. I realize it will be hard for you to let him go because you feel that he is your little boy and you are sending him away. I truly know how that feels. At age 14, we had to have my son go live with my parents. Only 10 min away, but it broke my heart. It also probably saved my family from a MUCH larger tragedy such as a murder suicide. Even the cops thought we were headed there.</p><p></p><p>Your son is headed toward seriously harming someone. How will you feel if he uses that knife on himself? Even if he harmed you first, you could forgive that eventually. Moms often can. But if you kept him at home and he turned the knife on himself, you would not be able to forgive yourself. You would beat yourself up forever for not letting his father have a chance to try to turn him around. You have to take this situation as seriously as it warrants. Just because the mental health people are blowing it off does not mean it is not serious. They are not in your home to see how bad it is. We have been there and we know he is very close to hurting someone.</p><p></p><p>There was a Mom who was here a couple of years ago. Her son was too fond of knives also. He was in and out of trouble for several years. Finally, at about age 14 or 15, I forget which, he stole her car and took it for a joyride. The cops were called. They followed the car home. The boy ran in the house and grabbed a knife. The end of the situation was that the boy died. His mother ended up choosing to follow him about a year later. I may not have all the details exactly right. His age may be off a little. I know he was not 16 yet. His mom was a friend of mine on this board. She did all she could think of that was acceptable to her to help him. She couldn't get past some personal issues to accept certain types of help. I know that was a problem for her after his death.</p><p></p><p>Don't be like her. Accept all the help that you can. If your son's father is not unsafe to be with your son (likely to beat him, or get him on drugs, or something similar), he may be the person to help him. I know that my father was one of the people my son needed to help him. My dad had just retired from teaching junior high. I worried that my son would hurt one or both of my parents. They thought he wouldn't. I had to let them try because I had to try everything I could. It sounds like you are at the point where you need to try all you can. Your son might need his father's influence right now. It doesn't mean you cannot insist that he see you once a week or however often you feel works for you. </p><p></p><p>The other thing I think you should do is to write a Parent Report. This is a document with ALL of the information about your son, good and bad. You create it with an outline created by Moms who were on this site long before I came along. The PR is one of the most powerful tools you can have because it keeps all the information at your hands when you are at an appointment. You can answer all the questions in a moment or so, which makes those appointments so much more effective. You can tell a doctor why a medication didn't work, and at what age your son first pulled a knife on you. All of the information is in there. It takes some time to create the PR. It will need to be done over a couple of weeks, not all in one day. Then when you go to see a mental health doctor, or even if you need to call the police because he pulled a knife on you, you take your PR with you and it helps impress the seriousness of the situation on them.</p><p></p><p>I always took a printed copy with me. Why? My son's was a couple of inches thick and it looked impressive. It made his problems seem more serious and kept them from brushing things off like he was being seen for acne or some other minor issue. Of course part of the reason it was so thick was because I had 2 extra copies with me, just in case I needed to give a copy to a new doctor. I just didn't need to tell anyone else that. Neither do you. An electronic copy is also good, but sometimes you cannot send a copy easily to a doctor electronically depending on their software. You can always hand them a printed copy and let them scan it in. </p><p></p><p>I hope some of this helps. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I can tell you some other tips and tricks I used to get better care for my son, but I will send those to you on a private conversation. Also on a different day because my kids are starting to wake up! </p><p></p><p>Merry Christmas!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725612, member: 1233"] I am sorry you are dealing with this. It is very scary. I have truly been in your shoes with a violent son who was larger than I was and hated me. If he can go to his father's house, that is worth a try. At least you will be able to tell the mental health services that you have tried it. Often you have to be able to tell them you have tried everything before they take you seriously. I realize it will be hard for you to let him go because you feel that he is your little boy and you are sending him away. I truly know how that feels. At age 14, we had to have my son go live with my parents. Only 10 min away, but it broke my heart. It also probably saved my family from a MUCH larger tragedy such as a murder suicide. Even the cops thought we were headed there. Your son is headed toward seriously harming someone. How will you feel if he uses that knife on himself? Even if he harmed you first, you could forgive that eventually. Moms often can. But if you kept him at home and he turned the knife on himself, you would not be able to forgive yourself. You would beat yourself up forever for not letting his father have a chance to try to turn him around. You have to take this situation as seriously as it warrants. Just because the mental health people are blowing it off does not mean it is not serious. They are not in your home to see how bad it is. We have been there and we know he is very close to hurting someone. There was a Mom who was here a couple of years ago. Her son was too fond of knives also. He was in and out of trouble for several years. Finally, at about age 14 or 15, I forget which, he stole her car and took it for a joyride. The cops were called. They followed the car home. The boy ran in the house and grabbed a knife. The end of the situation was that the boy died. His mother ended up choosing to follow him about a year later. I may not have all the details exactly right. His age may be off a little. I know he was not 16 yet. His mom was a friend of mine on this board. She did all she could think of that was acceptable to her to help him. She couldn't get past some personal issues to accept certain types of help. I know that was a problem for her after his death. Don't be like her. Accept all the help that you can. If your son's father is not unsafe to be with your son (likely to beat him, or get him on drugs, or something similar), he may be the person to help him. I know that my father was one of the people my son needed to help him. My dad had just retired from teaching junior high. I worried that my son would hurt one or both of my parents. They thought he wouldn't. I had to let them try because I had to try everything I could. It sounds like you are at the point where you need to try all you can. Your son might need his father's influence right now. It doesn't mean you cannot insist that he see you once a week or however often you feel works for you. The other thing I think you should do is to write a Parent Report. This is a document with ALL of the information about your son, good and bad. You create it with an outline created by Moms who were on this site long before I came along. The PR is one of the most powerful tools you can have because it keeps all the information at your hands when you are at an appointment. You can answer all the questions in a moment or so, which makes those appointments so much more effective. You can tell a doctor why a medication didn't work, and at what age your son first pulled a knife on you. All of the information is in there. It takes some time to create the PR. It will need to be done over a couple of weeks, not all in one day. Then when you go to see a mental health doctor, or even if you need to call the police because he pulled a knife on you, you take your PR with you and it helps impress the seriousness of the situation on them. I always took a printed copy with me. Why? My son's was a couple of inches thick and it looked impressive. It made his problems seem more serious and kept them from brushing things off like he was being seen for acne or some other minor issue. Of course part of the reason it was so thick was because I had 2 extra copies with me, just in case I needed to give a copy to a new doctor. I just didn't need to tell anyone else that. Neither do you. An electronic copy is also good, but sometimes you cannot send a copy easily to a doctor electronically depending on their software. You can always hand them a printed copy and let them scan it in. I hope some of this helps. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. I can tell you some other tips and tricks I used to get better care for my son, but I will send those to you on a private conversation. Also on a different day because my kids are starting to wake up! Merry Christmas! [/QUOTE]
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