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Please help with our decision to bail 35 yr old son out of jail..
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 636858" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Don't bail him out. Allow him to suffer the consequences of his own behavior without you getting involved at all. It is NOT your responsibility, nor did you create it, nor can you fix it. Stop it right now. You're in an endless loop of enabling. The only one who can stop it is YOU. Do not bail him out. If you can, limit your phone calls with him. He will pull out every stop to get you to help him and it really doesn't sound like you have the strength right now to deny him. Stay away and get yourself immediate support, like 12 step group. Go a few times a day. Go every single day until you have gained a little better perspective on this whole thing. You are stuck in a hamster wheel and the dizzying pace of your sons bad choices keeps you forever spinning out of control. </p><p></p><p>You are not in a position to help him right now. You have to help yourself. This is your opportunity to change the patterning you've set up with your son. No blame. Just truth. It is what it is. You can correct it now. It is time for you and your husband to put the focus on yourselves. You are in your 60's, as I am, it is time for you to let go of parenting, that ship has sailed. It is your time. </p><p></p><p>Go out now and get yourself in to a 12 step group today. Go listen. Do it for you. Keep posting your fears and concerns, we've all been there, we understand how you feel. It is a tough road, but you can move through this without enabling him. Step back from the edge. You are not really on an edge, you are on level ground, you're just used to feeling as if you need to stand right next to your son on HIS edge. Let him stand there on his own so he can finally see where he's placed himself. He did it, not you. Get off the edge.</p><p></p><p>Welcome. Keep posting it helps a lot. We're glad you're here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 636858, member: 13542"] Don't bail him out. Allow him to suffer the consequences of his own behavior without you getting involved at all. It is NOT your responsibility, nor did you create it, nor can you fix it. Stop it right now. You're in an endless loop of enabling. The only one who can stop it is YOU. Do not bail him out. If you can, limit your phone calls with him. He will pull out every stop to get you to help him and it really doesn't sound like you have the strength right now to deny him. Stay away and get yourself immediate support, like 12 step group. Go a few times a day. Go every single day until you have gained a little better perspective on this whole thing. You are stuck in a hamster wheel and the dizzying pace of your sons bad choices keeps you forever spinning out of control. You are not in a position to help him right now. You have to help yourself. This is your opportunity to change the patterning you've set up with your son. No blame. Just truth. It is what it is. You can correct it now. It is time for you and your husband to put the focus on yourselves. You are in your 60's, as I am, it is time for you to let go of parenting, that ship has sailed. It is your time. Go out now and get yourself in to a 12 step group today. Go listen. Do it for you. Keep posting your fears and concerns, we've all been there, we understand how you feel. It is a tough road, but you can move through this without enabling him. Step back from the edge. You are not really on an edge, you are on level ground, you're just used to feeling as if you need to stand right next to your son on HIS edge. Let him stand there on his own so he can finally see where he's placed himself. He did it, not you. Get off the edge. Welcome. Keep posting it helps a lot. We're glad you're here. [/QUOTE]
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Please help with our decision to bail 35 yr old son out of jail..
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