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Please help with our decision to bail 35 yr old son out of jail..
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 636930" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am PROUD PROUD PROUD PROUD of you!!! You didn't rescue him, and that is a big step. There is absolutely no reason you should EVER bail him out of jail. Often jail or prison is the ONLY time hard core addicts stop using if they even stop in there (drugs are not hard to get in prison, just costly). Your son's life will never change until it becomes HIS problem and not someone else's. You are doing the worrying and the work for him, and it isn't fair to you or him. </p><p></p><p>He is a big boy. Remember back when he was learning to walk? You had to stop carrying him and at first he cried and yelled and begged and did everything he could think of to get you to carry him. You didn't give in because you knew if you carried him then he would not keep tring to learn to walk. Then those first precious steps were taken and not only were yuo happy and proud, HE was too.</p><p></p><p>Right now he has got to learn to handle his life and his choices. You didn't carry him by bailing him out. He figured out how to get out and he did get out. Not sure you should be proud of him, but you SHOULD be proud for not fixing it for him. He is a grown man and doesn't need to be carried. Put the weight of his life and his choices and his girlfriend and his child down. They are not your burden to carry and they never were. Even if he has a tantrum and refuses to carry his weight, it still isn't your problem. Even if he makes dumb choices or illegal choices or immoral choices, they are not your problem. </p><p></p><p>Where were you at age 35? Raising your kids while you and husband worked to build a life, weren't you? Your son is now of an age where he has a child to care for, and he is able to handle whatever choices he makes for his son, and to support his son. If you can conceive them, you can raise them. No exceptions for having a drug problem - it is still YOUR baby and YOUR problem, not the grandparents. </p><p></p><p>Step back from his life and into your own. Do get therapy and attend meetings to help with this - it has taken 35+ years to get here and will take more than a few weeks or months to adjust to not carrying his load. But if you start now, it will hlp you as much as it will help him. </p><p></p><p>From now on, don't accept calls from jails or prisons. Nothing good can come from those. Just hang up the phone if/when they come. He can and will figure it out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 636930, member: 1233"] I am PROUD PROUD PROUD PROUD of you!!! You didn't rescue him, and that is a big step. There is absolutely no reason you should EVER bail him out of jail. Often jail or prison is the ONLY time hard core addicts stop using if they even stop in there (drugs are not hard to get in prison, just costly). Your son's life will never change until it becomes HIS problem and not someone else's. You are doing the worrying and the work for him, and it isn't fair to you or him. He is a big boy. Remember back when he was learning to walk? You had to stop carrying him and at first he cried and yelled and begged and did everything he could think of to get you to carry him. You didn't give in because you knew if you carried him then he would not keep tring to learn to walk. Then those first precious steps were taken and not only were yuo happy and proud, HE was too. Right now he has got to learn to handle his life and his choices. You didn't carry him by bailing him out. He figured out how to get out and he did get out. Not sure you should be proud of him, but you SHOULD be proud for not fixing it for him. He is a grown man and doesn't need to be carried. Put the weight of his life and his choices and his girlfriend and his child down. They are not your burden to carry and they never were. Even if he has a tantrum and refuses to carry his weight, it still isn't your problem. Even if he makes dumb choices or illegal choices or immoral choices, they are not your problem. Where were you at age 35? Raising your kids while you and husband worked to build a life, weren't you? Your son is now of an age where he has a child to care for, and he is able to handle whatever choices he makes for his son, and to support his son. If you can conceive them, you can raise them. No exceptions for having a drug problem - it is still YOUR baby and YOUR problem, not the grandparents. Step back from his life and into your own. Do get therapy and attend meetings to help with this - it has taken 35+ years to get here and will take more than a few weeks or months to adjust to not carrying his load. But if you start now, it will hlp you as much as it will help him. From now on, don't accept calls from jails or prisons. Nothing good can come from those. Just hang up the phone if/when they come. He can and will figure it out. [/QUOTE]
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Please help with our decision to bail 35 yr old son out of jail..
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