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Please help with our decision to bail 36 yr old son out of jail..
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 682434" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Welcome Changes, I am glad to see you have your own thread, I was responding to the older one you posted to and fell asleep at the "wheel" so to speak. I am an exhausted warrior mom like you. It has been a long haul with my two. My eldest is 37. I love her with all of my heart but she has made some very terrible decisions, and we have all been through the ringer. At one point, with help from this site, I decided to make a change. The path that my daughter chooses is her own, and I do not want to drag alongside of her. It is too hard. Oh, yes I go through good and bad days, feeling sad and angry, as you are feeling now. But, it is better than before. </p><p> Good for you. Of course you should choose your rent. What good would it do anyone if you were put out on the street? Our children have grown up and made their own choices. They look differently towards us with attitudes of entitlement. In their eyes, we are supposed to rescue them. We are not. They are adults. We are their parents, always, but we have done our parenting.</p><p>We will not be around forever to continue "helping" them. I push away the sadness and guilt, because sometimes it is guilt that moves us, by focusing on that. We will not be around forever to help them. They have got to learn to make better choices, and the only way they do that is by learning from the consequences of the choices they make.</p><p></p><p>So, really we are not only being unkind to ourselves when we help them (and don't have money to pay for rent) we are being unkind to them. We are allowing them to take advantage of us, and not letting them live their own lives. They need to learn to live their own lives.</p><p>I hope you stay with us Changes. Keep posting, it really helps to know that we are not alone with this.</p><p>Whatever you decide is up to you. Just know that you have value and worth. </p><p>Switch the focus to you, especially your health. High blood pressure is not good. </p><p>Please take care.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 682434, member: 19522"] Welcome Changes, I am glad to see you have your own thread, I was responding to the older one you posted to and fell asleep at the "wheel" so to speak. I am an exhausted warrior mom like you. It has been a long haul with my two. My eldest is 37. I love her with all of my heart but she has made some very terrible decisions, and we have all been through the ringer. At one point, with help from this site, I decided to make a change. The path that my daughter chooses is her own, and I do not want to drag alongside of her. It is too hard. Oh, yes I go through good and bad days, feeling sad and angry, as you are feeling now. But, it is better than before. Good for you. Of course you should choose your rent. What good would it do anyone if you were put out on the street? Our children have grown up and made their own choices. They look differently towards us with attitudes of entitlement. In their eyes, we are supposed to rescue them. We are not. They are adults. We are their parents, always, but we have done our parenting. We will not be around forever to continue "helping" them. I push away the sadness and guilt, because sometimes it is guilt that moves us, by focusing on that. We will not be around forever to help them. They have got to learn to make better choices, and the only way they do that is by learning from the consequences of the choices they make. So, really we are not only being unkind to ourselves when we help them (and don't have money to pay for rent) we are being unkind to them. We are allowing them to take advantage of us, and not letting them live their own lives. They need to learn to live their own lives. I hope you stay with us Changes. Keep posting, it really helps to know that we are not alone with this. Whatever you decide is up to you. Just know that you have value and worth. Switch the focus to you, especially your health. High blood pressure is not good. Please take care. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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Please help with our decision to bail 36 yr old son out of jail..
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