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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 649341" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Shiela, I am so sorry. You point out that in your family you are the sensitive one, I am that person in my family as well. In dysfunctional families, the sensitive one "feels" for the whole family, it is a very challenging role, we hold all the hurts.</p><p></p><p>I agree with Pasajes. However, that doesn't make YOU feel any better, I know. It is a sad situation. The best advice I can offer you is to get help for yourself as soon as possible. Al Anon, private therapy, other 12 step groups.......put yourself in supportive environments where you can express that hurt and get heard and comforted. That alone will make a big difference. As you do that, the pain for you will lessen and you will learn tools to set boundaries around that hurt with the recognition that there is nothing you can do for those you hurt for and that your hurting for them does not serve them and it certainly doesn't serve you.</p><p></p><p>It's a process to detach ourselves from those family roles we've had for so long, but it can be done. It sounds as if you've been surrounded by alcoholics for a good part of your life. That is a territory that is not healthy. You can't change any of their behaviors, but you have the power to change the trajectory of your life right now. You do not have to be impacted this way, however, in my opinion, you will need support to get out from under the weight of the sorrow and of the past. </p><p></p><p>Shiela, pain in life is inevitable, suffering is optional. You're suffering. Find ways to let that go. You deserve to have a fulfilling life REGARDLESS of what the rest of your family is doing. You can love them and be detached from them at the same time. You do not have to suffer.</p><p></p><p>I know how much it hurts. You have choices. Hang in there. Sending you big hugs........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 649341, member: 13542"] Shiela, I am so sorry. You point out that in your family you are the sensitive one, I am that person in my family as well. In dysfunctional families, the sensitive one "feels" for the whole family, it is a very challenging role, we hold all the hurts. I agree with Pasajes. However, that doesn't make YOU feel any better, I know. It is a sad situation. The best advice I can offer you is to get help for yourself as soon as possible. Al Anon, private therapy, other 12 step groups.......put yourself in supportive environments where you can express that hurt and get heard and comforted. That alone will make a big difference. As you do that, the pain for you will lessen and you will learn tools to set boundaries around that hurt with the recognition that there is nothing you can do for those you hurt for and that your hurting for them does not serve them and it certainly doesn't serve you. It's a process to detach ourselves from those family roles we've had for so long, but it can be done. It sounds as if you've been surrounded by alcoholics for a good part of your life. That is a territory that is not healthy. You can't change any of their behaviors, but you have the power to change the trajectory of your life right now. You do not have to be impacted this way, however, in my opinion, you will need support to get out from under the weight of the sorrow and of the past. Shiela, pain in life is inevitable, suffering is optional. You're suffering. Find ways to let that go. You deserve to have a fulfilling life REGARDLESS of what the rest of your family is doing. You can love them and be detached from them at the same time. You do not have to suffer. I know how much it hurts. You have choices. Hang in there. Sending you big hugs........ [/QUOTE]
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