Please help!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by meyerfamily5, Aug 9, 2011.

  1. meyerfamily5

    meyerfamily5 New Member

    I am so at my witts end with my 5 year old boy. He is extremely defiant, screams at the top of his lungs, gets violent with his sister. I also have a 2 year old girl and a 8 month baby boy. Life is difficult as my husband works 6 days a week 12 hour days. I am the only one basically raising my kids. My mom and dad tend to take my 5 year old as he is very close with them. There are days I cant stand to have him home. I dont know what to do.

    I have taken him to our local mental health clinic for kids and they wont help me. They keep telling me that until the behavior is taken care of at home they wont look at putting on medications. I have tried everything they have said and his behavior is escalating. It is so hard for me to have him home during the week without my husband home. They are also telling me that originally they said he was adhd which totally fits how he acts and now they are telling me he has ptsd instead.

    If anyone can help me with advice or anything it would be appreciated. No one understands what I am going through with him at home... my mom is finally starting to see the same behavior at her house.... he actually tried to run away cause he couldnt get a game that he wanted.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there and welcome to the board (sorry you have to be here).

    I think that to help you better, we need more information. First of all, you may want to do a signature like I did below to show us the dynamics of your family. Does son have any psychiatric problems on either side on his genetic tree? How was his early development and how does he relate to other people, especially his peers? Does he have an obsessive interests? Sensitivities to things like food textures, material, loud noise, anything sensory? Did he speak on time? Can he transition well from one activity to another? Does he make good eye contact both with you and with strangers?

    If this were my son, I would take him to a neuropsychologist for a complete assessment. They won't care about what is going on at home...a neuropsychologist will see him anyway. It's hard to give help unless we know what is going on. Medication may or may not help, but you need a good working diagnosis based on hours of testing or medication is just a hopeful stab in the dark. Are you able to take him to a neuropsychologist? They have them at university and children's hospitals and they tend to take a lot of time with the children and test them thoroughly rather than making snap decisions.

    Did this child have a chaotic past?
  3. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome to the board! You found the right place for support insights and guidance.

    Sorry, but what the heck kind of clinic is this? If you had the behavior taken care of at home, he would probably NOT need medications. Can you take him elsewhere to get evaluated? Adhd is often a first diagnosis for 'out of control' kids, but rarely the only thing going on. PTSD could certainly explain this kind of behavior, but did he really have some sort of traumatic events in his young life? So very possible, but you didn't mention it. If there has been no trauma (even 'mild' trauma like divorce or a bad accident), then PTSD is highly unlikely.

    How does he behave with your parents? Same? Better? Only slightly better? That can give you clues as to what is going on and how to help. If it's better with his parents find out what they may be doing differently, and get SPECIFIC. There might not seem to be a big difference between "No you may not have a cookie now, we are about to have lunch" and "We are about to have lunch, let's wait til after for that cookie" but with many of our kids it makes a HUGE difference.

    Welcome again. :notalone:
  4. meyerfamily5

    meyerfamily5 New Member

    The clinic is the only one available for children in Lewis County. It is so frustrating cause they are acting like nothing is wrong... He has had trauma in his life.
    My brother is autistic and they believe Bi-polar. We lived with my parents for a number of years. I was a single mom up until he was 2 1/2. My brother has been in juvy more times than I can count. Lets just say he has been out of control and has had a lot of problems... he has been abusive to my mother and father. He just recently hit our sister. My son looks up to him which I know is not good. It makes me worried because he is showing the same kind of behavior that my brother did when he was that age. My husband and I have had some difficulties and he ended up going to jail and we split for a few months. My son has been raised around alot of upheaval. So I suppose PTSD is possible.

    Another problem he has is he cant respect peoples "personal bubble". He is constantly jumping on adults and giving them raspberries on their faces and lifting up my shirt to do them on my stomach. He thinks its ok to hit people or scream at them until they answer him. He is a very picky eater with a severe gag reflex. He is scared to sleep in his bed alone. Right now I have him on 3mg melatonin at night just so he will sleep.

    I do not know all of his medical history as I dont know what his biological dad had. I know he had some mental health problems but I have no idea what they are. I am scared that he might have the same thing. He did not speak on time as he was tongue tied and had to go to speech therapy. When he is in trouble he does not make good eye contact at all. If he wants something and he thinks he should be able to do it he gets fixated on the issue and wont give up asking. He has a hard time with loud noises whether it would be yelling or loud music.
  5. keista

    keista New Member

    Sounds like you're going to have to push the clinic for services. Do they know your history and suspicions of biodad's illness? You might have to go looking out of county for services. If you don't have insurance, it may be more difficult. If you have insurance, call the insurance carrier directly and ask for other providers.

    Has he started school yet? any other delays other than speech? Is he still getting speech therapy? Considering your brother's history, I would definitely try and get your son evaluated for autism. As MidwestMom mentioned, a neuropsychologist evaluation is the most comprehensive, but it can be pricey if you are private pay.

    If you call and call and call and don't get anywhere, you may try calling CPS and ask them for referrals or resources.

  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    First thing I would do is read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. A total life saver!!

    Second, he could be responding to the stress in the home - however - there is more going on. It is going to take a combo of changes in parental discipline and therapy to really start making some headway.

    As others have said he needs to be tested by a NeuroPsychologist to get the real answers you need. He could be on the Aspergers Spectrum, or have Sensory Integration Disorder, or a Learning Disability - there are lots of things - but the first step is to get him tested and in some sort of therapy.

    Just know that many of us have kids like yours. Mine was identical....and I only had him....I can't imagine having many hugs. You are going to have to be diligent about seeking out every medical professional in the city or beyond to get him help - become his advocate.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    With autism on the family tree (as well as bipolar) I think you need to find someplace beyond the county to help your son. Early interventions can really help, but you need a diagnosis. Mental health clinics don't usually do that great a job at diagnosing and this mental health center sounds a lot like?????

    Good luck and please keep us posted!
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I totally second that.
    Push the clinic, and since he'll be starting school soon get together with the Special Education dept and start pushing for testing and an IEP. This can help open doors to services. Don't be afraid to approach CPS and ask for help, too. They'll have access to state and local programs that your county clinic doesn't. Ditto asking the local police department - I'm sure they would rather he gets the help he needs now rather than meet him in a professional capacity later.
    Are there private psychiatrists in your area that could test him? A neuropsychologist? A children's hospital or mental health hospital in your state that you could call and ask if they know of any professionals that can help?

    *hugs* and hang in there, hon. We know your pain, and make sure you take time for yourself and do what you have to in order to protect the younger ones, even calling 911 to have him transported for evaluation if he gets too violent. A paper trail is your friend!
  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Ditto - to most of the postings on this thread.
    But a minor clarification - The list of things he could be is "and/or", rather than just "or" - he could be all of the above plus more.
    Its called "co-morbidity" - conditions that exist at the same time.
    It really complicates things. But its fairly normal - at least, if you ask THIS board!

    This is not likely to be primarily a mental health problem. Therefore, the mental health clinic is a bit "out of their league" - in more ways than one. (Most good mental health clinics will recognize certain symptoms and at least tell you where to go for more appropriate help.)

    How far are you from the nearest teaching hospital? If you can't access neuropsychologist, that might be another good option - teaching hospitals often have multi-disciplinary teams, and can do fairly thorough evaluations as well.

    You're going to need some sort of solid, testing-supported evaluation, to provide a starting point in figuring out what kinds of interventions to even try!

    Last edited: Aug 9, 2011
  10. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I agree with everyone so far. No help or medications until the behavior is under control at home??? HUH? Most diagnoses can only be given if behavior occurs in more than one setting such that means home/school/public in ANY combination. If you can't find a child psychiatrist or neuropsychologist, I would call your county social services agency to find out what you CAN do.

    Welcome to our family. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to you.
  11. Tryingmybest

    Tryingmybest New Member

    Hi Newbie,

    I'm sorry to hear about your story. I just wanted to tell you that I am new as well and relate VERY much to how you're feeling. My husband works 12 hour days and sometimes paints houses on weekends. I go to college full-time for accounting, have a wonderful 7 yr old and a 7 month old. I also have a step son who is 6 that I've been parenting for 5 years. He is the one who sounds just like your 5 yr old. I hope you are able to find relief in conversation with someone who will believe you and try to understand. Unfortunately for me, I have yet to find someone who doesn't blame us and I'm doing the best I can. I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. My heart goes out to you. I've realized it feels less lonely seeing there are people out their going through what we are going through. Best wishes and remember to breathe... fight for him to be seen by a therapist that can diagnose. We were on a waiting list for OVER a YEAR and today had our first appointment.
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Welcome, Tryingmybest. We are so glad you found us but even more sorry you had to. It sounds like you are going through a lot yourself. Why don't you start your own thread? Introduce yourself to us and tell us what you are dealing with. This is a wonderful group of VERY understanding and supportive parents that I have come to rely on for my sanity. As you can see, you are NOT alone either. There isn't much that people on this board haven't dealt with they have VERY broad shoulders to lean on and sometimes even cry on.
  13. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome Tryingmybest! You've found a great place. We will believe you! Why don't you start a thread of your own and introduce yourself?

    Around here, :notalone: