Please lift us up.............

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Sep 2, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Into whatever hands you believe in.

    I feel like I am on the brink of a mental breakdown. I cannot explain it all now, because I am too tired, and fatigued. I will write more when I can. Suffice it to say, my seams are falling apart. I almost admitted myself to the ER today.

    Dr will not give me medications to help.............cuz they think I will become, uh, addicted? or something. Who knows. Instead I am downing wine. Great.

    doctors screwed matt' medications up at phosph and d/c 2 medications by accident which could have been fatal, & I did not know about it until I was getting him on the plane at 7 am...................
    & now he is 2K a way, where I cannot speak to him for months. I am flipping my lid.

    I am trying so hard to stay normal and calm.................but I am having trouble finding the rationale to do so.

    Thanks for you support
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Wrapping you in comforting arms.

    If you need to go to the ER, please do so.

  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    I agree with Heather. If you're in trouble, please head to the ER.

    I know you can't talk to Matt, but you can call the facility and talk to the docs to make sure his medications are straightened out. That should give you some peace of mind.

    Sending many gentle hugs your way.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Just wanted to send {{{HUGS}}} I can't imagine how hard this is- just try to remember how you were thinking a few days ago and the risks involved with all that was taking place. Try to get some sleep tonight- and what exactly do you mean by not being able to talk to your son for mos- is that for real? That seems a little extreme to me, but I'm not familiar with the rules of these places. I would have a very difficult time with that one. Just hang on- fill us in on the details when you're ready.
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    You know that downing wine won't make any of this better. You've been teetering on the brink of an emotional collapse for months, difficult child's being so far away may be the final straw. I agree with the others that it's time to receive some emergency services. Please seek some face-to-face services tonight. Pick up your phone and call your local crisis services number.
  6. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Yes Steely, call the facility. It is so hard to send off our kids - You need to be reassured that he is o.k.

    Then consider going to the ER - if you are wondering if you should or not, you probably should. You have more than you can handle by yourself - get help.

    I am lifting you and Matt up in my prayers.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely, I honestly do not know what mental state I would be in if I were in your shoes. You have been through a heck of a lot this past several months. That is a ton of pressure on any one body and/or soul.

    You really, truly do need to care for yourself right now. Make yourself the priority for a few days. Yes, of course, speak to the facility to check on your boy. Nobody would be able to care for themselves if they did not know their child was OK after a medication incident.

    Seriously, you should consider the ER for yourself. Wine may dull the pain, but it will not solve anything.

  8. ML

    ML Guest

    I agree with the others, please get help for yourself. Life has battered you around quite a bit this year and it's ok to get help. It's too hard to do it alone. Lifting you up into hands I believe in... as well as believing in you. Major hugs xoxo ML
  9. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Steely, please seek help for yourself now. Matt is in safe hands. It's time to take care of you.
  10. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    What doctor is it that is afraid to give you medications? Your primary? You need urgent care. If you can't make yourself go to the ER than certainly find a psychiatrist that will see you today. You are definitely spiraling and this last thing with your son has pushed you to the edge. You have dealt with sooo much and it's certainly quite understandable how you would require outside help.
  11. OpenWindow

    OpenWindow Active Member

    I'm with the others. If you're wondering whether or not to go to the ER, then go. You've been through so much. Take care of yourself.

    Have you called the facility to find out if he's doing OK as far as the medication mix-up?

    Sending you prayers and hugs.

  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Steely, forget the dr. Find a diff dr. Worry about the addiction later. Prescribed medications are better than wine at 7 a.m. Really.
    Also, get to a therapist and talk, talk, talk. S/he will help you sort out all the traumas you've been through lately.
    I'd be royally PO'd at difficult child's dr right now. I mean, spitting tacks. (Not to mention panicked.) Call today and make sure he's doing okay. Speak with-him. It will give you peace of mind.
    You've been through so much. {{{hugs}}}
  13. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Steely, I agree with everything that's been advised by others.

    Do call the facility and let them know about Matt's medications. You need the reassurance that he is okay.

    Then, please go to the ER. Forget about the doctor that refused your medications. You've been through so much and you need help to get through it. The others are will temporarily dull the pain, but the rebound afterward will possibly make you feel worse.

    Wrapping comforting arms around you and saying prayers.
  14. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    (x) sending you a cyber xanax, you can't take it with wine but chocolate is safe.

    <<<HUGS>>> I am so sorry you're in such a dark place, do something mindless, like play tetris or bejeweled that always helps me.

    Praying for you
  15. WSM

    WSM New Member

    My very limited experience with these places is they don't answer their phones--everything automatically goes to voicemail or an answering service. The reason for this is that most parents become very anxious helicopter parents the first time their kids go away. The forced separation is as much for the parents as for the kids. You don't realize how warped your life gets by the child's problems; you don't realize how you've lost yourself.

    I find it funny that a doctor won't give you a sedative. You don't need a whole prescription, just one pill to calm you down and let you sleep.

    These next two months are going to be good for you, very good. They will make you a better parent when you have contact with your boy again.

    These places are experienced with your kids' problems. They don't want to hurt him. They really do want to help. And there's nothing, nothing, nothing, your son will do in his worst moments they haven't seen before.

    They aren't just ONE single mother dealing with a problem, they are several experienced professionals. Your son has a meltdown, and there are two, three, four people there RIGHT away. There's a psychiatrist and a psychologist immediately available. There are special rooms, special diversions, a variety of personalities, and surprisingly enough, other children just like him in various stages of stability. There will be absolute stability in his environment; it's so hard for a tired, weary, pulled to pieces parent to provide that.

    Your son won't be the odd one here. Maybe for the first time in his life he will be surrounded by people just like him; people who rather do understand; everyone around him will have been where he is, no matter where he is at any one moment. Maybe for the first time in his life he will be in an environment other than his home where he won't be judged for his lapses. They'll just be dealt with matter of factly. After all, who among the others haven't been in his shoes?

    They are horses. How wonderful. New experiences are about to open up for him. He's going to have fun; what other things are there? Swimming, a pool, a lake? Obstacle courses, games rooms? There will be chores. Fun ones: raking hay and brushing horses and giving them apples and water. Maybe air hockey, air darts, kick ball, a pool table? Tents and bon fires and hiking trails and making dinner over a fire in aluminum foil.

    Will he have meltdowns? Yep. Will anyone be shocked and appalled and angry? Nope. Will he be rude and talk back and break things and refuse to do his share? If he does that at home, he'll do it there too. He'll know beforehand exactly what the consequence will be and how to get the consequence to end.

    When toddlers throw themselves on the floor and tantrum, parents step around them and go on with their day. Or they scoop them up and put them in their cribs for a safe quiet place to tantrum and recover. The same thing will happen here.

    These people KNOW what they are doing. They've seen it all. They do not want him to fail, they do not want to hurt him. Remember if you hear nothing, that means everything is going well.

    I know you are worried that he's homesick and acting out. He won't be the first; if so, he might be in the majority. You are worried that he will be miserable. Maybe, but only for a while. There are horses and activities waiting. Read up on horse therapy, it's very, very interesting and will be reassuring to you.

    He's okay. Have the doctor who messed up contact the place and let them know. It's his responsibility; and his liability. Remember if you hear nothing, his health is good. They WILL tell you if he's ill, injured or hospitalized. If you hear nothing, he's fine.

    That's a big change. Your experience up to now may be if you hear nothing, trouble's about to explode. If you haven't heard anything, you are about to. As a parent of a difficult child you are likely sooooooooo tired of hearing people complain about him, telling you what he did NOW and expecting you do DO SOMETHING about it--ASAP. But that's not going to happen for the next two months. Nobody's going to come complaining to you about his meltdown, his back talking, his throwing food or shoving another kid, his defiance. Inspite of his problems, there will be people who like him.


    Nobody's going to expect you to do ANYTHING.

    This is your turn. It's likely your soul has been shredded by this long journey with your son. Pamper yourself. See old friends, friends are so good for the soul. Go out to dinner, have your hair cut, styled, frosted, streaked or shaved off completely. Get caught up at work. Clean out the closets. Fix up Matt's room so he has something special to come home to and will know you were thinking of him and loving him while he was gone. Go to the beach. Get a message.

    It's YOUR turn. He'll be fine; it's your turn.
  16. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    WSM - amazingly well said!

    Steely, You made a very hard decision to send Matt to this camp. You did your homework and you decided this is the best place for him. Do not 2nd guess yourself now. WSM is very wise - lots of comfort in her words.
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Others have said it so well-I'm sending continued prayers your way. Please, please, take care of you.
  18. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many, many hugs...many, many prayers...lots and lots of love...please take care of you now.