Just kiddling... you have all been so supportive of me over the last year. I was just reading through all of my old posts and can't believe the roller coaster I've been on. I like to think that when it comes to my kids, especially my difficult child and his problems, that I'm hard nosed and stick to my guns. LOL, I've been up and down like a yo yo. But, I can say that I am a work in progress. It's sad, that as parents, we have to learn words like detachment, alanon meetings, psychiatrist, drug lingo, etc... Well, an update. I took him back in again just over a month ago. He had managed to get a job on his own (which he still has for now, full time), but called to say that nobody wanted him anymore (friends were fed up), said he wasn't doing drugs, was willing to cooperate with our rules, pay rents, etc... he just wanted his family again. Things were great for the 1st week or so. My husband and I had drafted a 3 page contract, difficult child read it and agreed. I said to him "read it again", he did, and he signed it. This contract includes everything from doing your own laundry, to keep your room clean, to "absolutely" NO drug use, drug paraphenalia, etc... Like I said things were going well, then the disgusting room got to me, the wet towels on my floor, the dishes left in the sink, the coming in at 4:00am, sleeping all day, getting up with just 10 minutes to spare to get to work, but I let it slide (I know, I need a slap), but then the moment I was waiting for... I caught him with a bag of marijuana and his pipe, getting ready to smoke it in my bathroom. Mother's intuition, I just knew when he went up to our bathroom with his winter coat on, something was up. I busted him, took the drugs and the pipe and told him how disappointed we were. He was upset and claimed it was the first time in months (yeah right), but my husband and I gave him another chance. The next day, he was busted again. We have not thrown him out on the street, but we have given him 2 weeks to find a place to go or he will be on the street. I somehow think that by giving him a place to live, he would keep his job. I now realize that if he wants to keep the job, he will regardless of where he lives. I now realize that I will never open my door for him again, even if he gets the help he needs. He must do this on his own. Charging him rent for a roof over his head is still enabling. He manipulates me easily and once I'm sucked in, it's hard for me to let go. I've been through this 3 or 4 times now, each time I get stronger. Where there were tears, I now have anger and frustration. I think to myself, how dare he do this to himself, me, his siblings, etc... I think this is a better place for me to be. I'm tired of trying to fix him, I can't and won't do it anymore. I just need the strength to get through the next 2 weeks. I asked him to try to get out sooner than that, but the 30th would be the final day and we would pack him up and take him to the shelter. He seemed very *removed* from our conversation. He sounded defeated and disappointed in himself. I feel sooo relieved with the decision I've made. I'm so ready to enjoy my life again like I was doing for the months that difficult child wasn't in our home. I'm going to leave difficult child's problems with difficult child. I have given him the tools, the information, the love and everything else he needs to succeed. I have no control over the situation, if I did, difficult child would be a easy child, in college and living like any other 19 year old. Oh, one more thing. difficult child keeps telling me that he only uses marijuana. Somehow this has always eased my fears a bit. I've only ever caught him with marijuana. There are a couple of things I want to say about this, some people think my fears are way over the top because we only know about marijuana. This kid has a problem! Am I right? Whether or not it's marijuana (which I don't think this is the only drug he abuses, it's just the one we know about) isn't the issue. The issue is, this drug causes him to live a life of lies and abuse. It's taken away his motivation to succeed in life. Don't get me wrong, if he works everyday in a coffee shop for the rest of his life, I have no problem with this. I just want him to be the best coffee shop worker he can be and be sure that he can support himself without lying, begging and/or stealing. I want him to be a contributor to society, not someone who sucks the life out of it. Thanks for listening again. This place keeps me strong.