Okay, I need you all to help me out here. I am feeling angry. My grandson lives with his father and his girlfriend. My difficult child lives out of state. When we want to see our grandson, he's 4 yrs. old, I just go to his fathers house and ask to take him to lunch or ask to see if he can spend the night or weekend because they do not have a telephone. I know it's rude and I feel rude doing it, but feel I have no other choice if I want to see our grandson. A couple of weeks ago I went to ask if he could spend the weekend with us. He was allowed to come, but with "conditions" and of course the snot, ahem....... girlfriend thought she needed to have a talk with me. She told me that the 2 previous times that our grandson spent the night with us that he had a bad attitude when he returned. I can understand that because the whole time I am in route to taking him back home, he is telling me that he doesn't want to go home. I have asked him why and one time he told me, "I hate my dad". I did correct him and told him, Oh, no, don't talk like that about your father! Another time he told me that at 4 yrs. old that his dad spanks him with a belt and that the girlfriend "pops" him on the mouth. I usually have him call his mother, our difficult child in the car while I am taking him home. I have it on speaker phone and he tells her that he doesn't want to go home and he told her he hates his father. So, I guess I can understand that he has an attitude when he gets home. I did ask the girlfriend what kind of an attitude he has and she said he had an attitude that he is better than everyone else, like he has his nose up in the air!!! And, that is our fault! Please! How can we make a 4 yr. old have an attitude like that? Grrrrrrr. The next problem............ Our grandson is potty trained and does not have accidents in our home. I pretty much ensure that is the case as I take him to the bathroom often and praise him when he goes in the potty. He was having problems with bm's in his underwear at home, so a couple of months ago I started offering a piece of gum every time he got even the tiniest amount of bm in the potty. He loved it and never had an accident here! I do believe in positive reinforcement and our grandson responds well to it. The problem the girlfriend has with me????? I put our grandson in a pullup at naptime and nighttime to ensure that my mattresses are not soiled. She wants me to not put him in a pullup and says that *I* have made him regress in his bathroom habits. In all honesty, our grandson has been dry and clean for the last month. I honestly don't believe that me putting him in a pullup is making him regress!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is clean and dry in his underwear and pullups while he is here. When he goes home, he wets and soils his underwear day and night. I know that I can purchase and put a waterproof mattress pad on to protect the mattress and just wash it all (more work if he has an accident) but it just galls me, for her to tell me what to do in MY home. I really don't think this has to do with me or us at all. I think it has everything to do with this young child's home life. I didn't want to say that to the girlfriend, but I did explain to her that children have different rules everywhere they go. She thought I was confusing him. I explained to her that they have their own rules in their home, he had different rules in pre -k before they took him out and he has different rules at our house and he is capable of adapting to different situations. It's normal! Oh, then she went on to tell me that the gum I was giving him as a reward, she didn't want me to give him because #1 he was already potty trained and did not need a reward and #2, he swallows the gum and it will get stuck in his intestines and he will need surgery like her brother because your body can't digest gum. Oh my goodness! Of course your body does not digest gum, just like it doesn't digest corn ~ it just passes on thru just like corn. It would be the rare occasion that it would cause a physical problem. The current problem, we are supposed to pick him up tomorrow for a couple of days, but guess what??? She tells my difficult child that we can only have him IF we don't put pull ups on him. This makes me angry! For one he isn't her child, but I do have to give credit that she is caring for him and I use that term loosely. And I think it is nervy for her to tell me what to do in my own home. For Pete's sake, I've raised three children already and potty trained several more than that. And worst of all she tells me what to do when she can't seem to keep him clean or dry while he is at home? Whenever I pick him up and take him out or home with me....... the boy NEVER, EVER has underwear on! That is just nasty. I tell him to go put on underwear before we leave and guess what? The girlfriend tells me that he doesn't have any clean underwear that he had peed and pooped in all of his underwear! Last month for his birthday, one of the things we got him were new underwear, 6 pair that he chose his characters, transformers and power rangers. I know that he had underwear before I bought new ones. So why does she wait so long to wash? Why is he soiling and wetting in his underwear so much at home? I think their lifestyle is the problem, not me! We provide loving care, attention, a routine, meals, sleep and a peaceful environment with guidelines and expectations. What is your take on this? I am angry! I have "swallowed" so much from these people for the sake of our grandson and so that we could keep in contact and to be sure he is okay. In the past I have called CPS on them and they have an open case, it may be closing in the next month or so. I am tired of having these people manipulating us to see our grandson. Am I missing something here? Any other options other than just sucking it up or not seeing our grandson? And FYI............... our precious grandson, I am convinced, is a difficult child just like his mother. My husband saw it before I did, I didn't want to believe it,but yep, it's undeniably true.