Please pray for a lightbulb

[klmno]

to go off in my difficult child's head. I'm getting ready to go to bed and just wanted to get this out first, since it keeps sticking in my mind. difficult child always wants to tell me about the other kids he meets when he's in juvy or psychiatric hospital. Here are the two stories I heard today:

1) 17 yo old boy in there to get off drugs and will be going from psychiatric hospital to an extensive outpatient drug rehab. He asked to come in because when he told his girlfriend about the extent of his drug usage, she said he had a problem and she broke up with him. This is difficult child's room-mate and he told difficult child that when she did that, he realized that he really did have a problem and he wants off the drugs completely. (When difficult child was in last spring, he had a room mate in there for drug usage but he was trying to play everyone around him just to hurry and get out- he told difficult child that as soon as he got out, he was going to get high again.)

2) A 17yo girl that is anorexic and cuts herself. (Also, difficult child said she suffers from insomnia and that insomnia can release endorphins too- Has anyone else ever heard that?) Anyway, difficult child said he just didn't understand it- he says she is very pretty and he doesn't get why on earth she can't see that and why she would want to hurt herself. He says she smiles and is friendly and that she has a lot going for her. He repeated several times "But why would she do that".

I didn't get into the explanation about anorexia with him. I just sat there and listened and thought about how ALL of us parents on this board understand the thought "you have so much going for you- WHY would you do that to yourself".

I think maybe I'll try to explain that to him tomorrow- that many people feel that way about him. I know for myself, I didn't try to get help or better myself and turn my life around until the lightbulb went off in my mind that maybe, just maybe, I had a little potential worth building on instead of wasting it away. It did take being around some people who somehow helped me to see and believe that.

So, if anyone has an extra thought, prayer, or just is in the mood for a nekd chicken dance tonight- I would appreciate any vibes sent to my son that helps him see that others feel he has something going for him that is worth salvaging, too- just like all kids. And he really shouldn't be throwing it away.

Edited to add: As I was about to go to sleep last night, I realized that I should have asked for good thoughts to be sent to the two 17yo's in there, too. Then, I guess that extends to all our kids who are struggling to find their way, even when we feel like they aren't trying at all and they're being real PITA's- I guess we can't always know what hurt and confusion and negative feelings about themselves that they are trying to sort thru and live with and overcome.

 

[bran155]

Praying for a lightbulb here!!! I am also doing a chicken dance, rain dance, the mambo and the cha cha!!! Sending positive thoughts and prayer's your way......

My daughter does the same thing. She can identify other kids qualities and also doesn't understand why they make the choices they do but can't for the life of her do the same with regards to her own life. She takes on the mother role while in the hospital, she even did that in all 3 of her rtcs. She wants to help and "fix" all the other kids just not herself. It's so crazy!!!

 

[Nancy423]

Being that it's currently -6F, I think I'll postpone the neked chicken dance for a couple days

However, I can and will send any and all good thoughts their way. I certainly hope this is your difficult child's light bulb. I sure hope he's able to spread the light when he gets out too....I'm wondering tho. Could this be a precursor to a new life? maybe social work or something is in his future?

 

[totoro]

Well insomnia is usually a sign of mania. So you do get high... endorphins are released. It feels good for awhile. Until you start going wonky. If you just have insomnnia without the mania, you still can get the wonky high feeling but it is much shorter lived. You would not be up for days and racing.
At least that is how I get and feel.
Because I am blessed with both!

 

[klmno]

Thank you both! I'll be leaving in about an hour to go to the family meeting. difficult child's therapist is giving group therapy at the psychiatric hospital right now and he told me he'll try to get difficult child alone a few mins to talk to him while he's there. I'm so glad we found this guy!!

 

[klmno]

Funny Totoro!! Yes- you are blessed!

 

[Shari]

klmno

Praying for a big 300 watter. Ah, heck, 500 watt halogen.

I hope he sees. And I think you have a great opportunity to open a door with your planned conversation - if that's not a logical progression, I don't know what is...

 

[TerryJ2]

klmno, that your difficult child sees these things and has such compassion speaks volumes.
Many hugs for all of you and all of them.
Maybe Santa will bring a lightbulb for him this year ...

 

[everywoman]

Praying for a floodlight---or a bright star---You know it will come when he is ready. The hardest thing for me was realizing that I had to let go of my difficult child and allow the consequences for his choices to play themselves out. After I allowed him to self-destruct---he did acquire a nightlight in his head that has grown brighter each year since 18. I wish it was easier for us---the warrior parents who put so much into finding the help these kids need and then don't utilize the way we think they should.

 

[Jena]

I'm sorry i'm so late to this, wans't on all day!! I'm doing a lightbulb pray thing dance chickens beads, umm

You really take the time to think stuff out when it comes to him, which is great. I hope it goes well.

Let us know keeping my fingers crossed for you

 

[meowbunny]

One thing I found with my daughter is that once she started seeing the good in others that they didn't see themselves, it became easier to point out the good in her and how she was wasting that good. It is a gradual process that I'm still working on but I am seeing flickers of the candle every so often. I can't wait until she sees that train light at the end of her tunnel. In the meantime, here's hoping your son's lightbulb starts flickering soon.

 

[klmno]

Thanks everyone! We had our family meeting then visitation today. I don't think difficult child is exactly living by the northern light just yet, unfortunately. He still is talking a lot about those two 17 yo's, which is good. I did start talking to him about seeing potential in others but when I started to say that I saw that in him, he stopped me and said "I know- I know what you are going to say". And, I think he does know it in his head, I just don't think he believes it or feels it yet. He went on and on about how surprised he was that his room mate said he (difficult child) was "friendly" in group when they each had to say something nice about another kid. difficult child acted shocked. I said "difficult child, you ARE nice and friendly to people- people who know you like you". difficult child said "well, maybe, but I didn't think another kid thought that".

Lord help me- and I'm not even religious enough to ask for that....

We both laid all our home problems out on the table though for the social worker. Unfortunately, she was a fill-in (maybe the regular one got sick or something). Anyway, I'm sure all the problems we revealed threw a big wrench in her discharge plan. LOL! She said she will have the regular sw call me. I told her about the couple of options that I'd heard about that might lead to some help. She pretty much shot those down for one reason or another.

It seems like I call and call people, hear an idea that seems like it might work, try to pursue it and someone else shoots it down. This has happened over and over. difficult child's therapist was doing group therapy at the psychiatric hospital today. He had planned to talk to difficult child a few mins alone after group, but our family meeting started shortly after group started, so that didn't work out either. The day just wasn't as productive as I'd hoped it would be.

Oh, well. difficult child and I ate from the cafeteria together and walked through the hospital, then just sat and chatted a while. At least that seemed to go well. And, getting everything out in the open at the family meeting seemed to help him see the reality of things a bit better I think. But, difficult child started talking to me about smoking and says he hears that some vitamin can make a person high and just general bs stuff that I don't want to hear. I don't know if he does that for the shock factor or if he is in such a habit of talking to other kids that way, thinking it will impress them, that he forgets that he's saying those things to his mother- and his mother is NOT impressed. I told that for someone who said he wanted out of the psychiatric hospital an awful lot, he's not making me feel too comfortable about bringing him home.

I'm even more impressed about the 17yo addict. difficult child says the boy is reading NA books all the time and is really trying hard. He said he has things lined up to talk to his school and that his parents said they would get him out of psychiatric hospital, but he told them no. I guess the girlfriend decided to stick with him, as long as he's seeking treatment and she brought him a book about hope. difficult child says the kid really means it because he said his dad does drugs and the boy is trying to develop a plan for himself to stay straight even though his parents don't get it. That's a rough road- I hope the boy can do it.

 

[meowbunny]

There is so much good in your post. Your son actually got to hear from peers about some of his good qualities. We parents can say it til we're blue in the face but we're just the parents. I do know what works for my daughter is to be very specific when I say something good about her -- I have to name names, places and exactly what was said/seen. The other trick is talking to someone else and being sure she overhears what is being said. Sure glad the kid has very good ears.

That he's hearing how much his roomie is trying is also impressive. That he cares about his roomie and is rooting for him also will help him. He may just decide when he is ready to come home rather than having it decided for him.

As to the talk in the cafeteria, it sounds like he still needs to try to scare/shock you. It shows he's not near ready to come home and that he's still a teen trying to how how tough, strong he is. I really don't like teens. They're just not nice people in general but they are so dang lovable in their arrogant innocence.

I'm sorry the SW shot down your ideas. Maybe the regular one will have some ideas that will truly be useful. Here's hoping.

 

[klmno]

Thanks, MB! I liked your description of teenagers- that gave me a chuckle!! I don't think difficult child is ready to come home either. But, I don't know where this is going to lead. Insurance will only cover an acute stay, and this psychiatric hospital is only for acute situations anyway (in the child/adolescent ward). Since difficult child is still talking about these friends, how much sugar he's eating (when he isn't stable he eats HOARDS of sugar- sometimes even straight), and the other stuff I already mentioned, it tells me that he's sending a message loud and clear. Basicly, I call it self-medicating even though it isn't with alcohol or an illegal substance - YET.

I just hope that I can have a productive talk with the regular social worker there tomorrow- and I think she'll call because they are wanting to discharge him tomorrow or Tuesday. They have to have a discharge plan in place first though. I am telling them that the therapist and psychiatrist appts are in place- but they are not sufficient right now. We (I) need more help. Period.

 

[TerryJ2]

Sounds like a great visit, klmno.
So sorry about the fill-in SW.
Interesting that your difficult child is so interested in the other kids. That's a good sign.
I have my fingers crossed for the 17-yr-old addict with-a dad who's an addict. What a burden to shoulder.
Yes, a discharge plan. That is the mantra of the day.
Sigh.

 

[Transparent]

You have my T&P's!

 

[ML]

Thinking positive thoughts, KLMNO.

 

[klmno]

Thank you everyone!! I always feel the strength of the board anymore when I'm "fighting the system"!! MB- your story about your daughter is very encouraging and helpful!

 

[KTMom91]

Adding my thoughts and prayers!

 

[Woofens]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can get the help you need.

{{{HUGS}}}
Jan