Please tell me how to not think about GFGD.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I cannot get my daughter and her issues off my mind, and I desperately want to. It's 24/7. Very sick of it. I tried reading a book, watching tv, working, nothing seems to give me relief. Do you have any ideas and do they really work? I would so like to have amnesia just for two hours or so.:tongue:
  2. Jeppy

    Jeppy New Member

    Can you get out of house, go out with friends maybe? I find quiet pursuits leave too much time to think and being at home there are many visual reminders of my difficult child.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Do you have a plan in place? Once you have a plan you just have to let time take it from there. So, there is less reason to think about it all the time.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Therapy helped me, and Al-Anon, and meditation. Getting out of the house and doing things with friends, be it lunch, dinner, a movie, whatever. Being around other people is a much better distraction than trying to distract yourself while alone, at least, for me.
  5. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Could I really go to Al-Anon? I thought it was just for families of recovering alcholics, and people recovering from substance abuse? Have you been, and does it help you? I can leave at times and go do things, but I never seem to be able to forget the issues surrounding my daughter. I would love to be able to focus on something else. I tried those sudoko puzzles. That kind of worked. Not very good at them but they can make you focus on something else. I will try that again tonight. Thank you
  6. tictoc

    tictoc New Member

    Have you tried yoga? It has been very helpful to me. I also think about difficult child 24/7 and needed a distraction, so I started going to yoga several mornings a week. I find that when I am completely focused on my body (and trying not to fall on my nose), I can finally stop thinking about difficult child. If you can't make it to a class, get a yoga DVD from your local library.

    Good luck.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    Prayer. It works. Alanon is also great. It is for people's whose lives have been touched by alcholism or addiction. It helps so much with detachment and teaches you about creating healthy boundaries. Perhaps you have a parent, sibling or uncle out there that affected you at some point in time? :)
  8. helpme

    helpme New Member

    I set goals. Small goals. Over and over again. I notice that sometimes
    my definition of "small" goals soon become "big" as I am accomplishing them.
    Personal goals and achievements are my way of showing difficult child a
    healthier life, satisfying myself, and distracting me from difficult child. There
    might be a day when they use my detachment methods for themselves
    with their own difficult child issues.

    Some of my goals are maybe redecorating a room, planning a vacation,
    etcetera. But other goals are I guess rather unusual, such as how
    in the world I am going to make the grumpy old cashier at the gas
    station smile, or various RAOK (random acts of kindness) for various
    people, or they might be hobby-like such as cooking, gardening, fish,
    or whatever topic. Sometimes I really confuse myself and tell myself
    that the next accomplishment, such as making someone smile,
    results in the reward of another goal such as after I make ten people
    smile in one day before work, then I reward myself with the goal of
    preparing to purchase a new car.

    Cooking involves going to the grocery store, so that: creates small
    trips after I spend a whole evening, or possibly a night planning
    everything. Crafts involve going to the craft store (where I might
    also create the next goal after I completed the first).

    I also write this stuff down in a journal. Usually, I notice that I wrote
    something in there, decipherable only by myself that shows exactly
    how/why the goal came to be...(usually difficult child related).

    On lighter times when difficult child's issues aren't so difficult, I find I fall
    asleep to visualizing new goals. For more difficult times, I might detail
    a whole week of recipes that require an hour of cooking and
    an hour of desert baking or whatever.

    Distraction, distraction, and distraction. Doesn't matter what it is,
    as long as you can stay focused on anything besides difficult child.

    Best of luck.
  9. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    Mindfulness. Get some books on it. It teaches you to center yourself and just be in the moment.

    It's really hard to not let our kids consume us, but we have to take care of ourselves if we're going to take care of our kids. I've found mindfulness to be very simple - why didn't I think of that? - way to center myself when I'm obsessing.

    It's kind of a Buddha thing (which by the way is a philosophy, not a religion).