Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by CAT, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. CAT

    CAT New Member

    Parent Management Training has anyone tried these programs with success?? Our last therapist only states that we need to come up with consequences that meant something to our child. Good Luck short of making a jail cell in our home and keeping watch 24/7 i havent got a clue. Not to mention going broke what with atty fees & such difficult child did not talk to therapist at all so thousands down the drain there. I simply asked for some suggestion specific to 13 teen but got nothing. Have already taken phone, computer, friends, music etc away comes to a point where he just doenst care. any ideas please
  2. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    In my opinion, ther are only three ways to approach this. One is consequences, one is rewards and the other is education. You have done many of the usual consequences, it is really hard to educate a thirteen yo (cuz they already know everything, you know LOL) but it is worth a try. What have you tried with rewards/ incentives? You can use going to a movie, friends stay over, whatever your difficult child values. Rewards work for my younger difficult child bur I need to constantly change them to keep his interest.
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with Kathie that there has to be an approach that does more than take away for bad. There need to be incentives for good, a search for something(s) he's passionate about, and the best thing or things that motivate him. I've had much more success with rewards for good choices than I ever have with consequences (although they do work as well).

    I think sometimes our difficult children live in a world of constant "no's", "don't do that's", "what have you done's". I'm not assuming that you haven't tried the positives with your son. I don't know the full story. There is no signature on your post so I don't know what your son is diagnosis'd with or what medications he may be on or has tried in the past.

    I do believe that, as parents, we do play a role in how our children react. But at some point, their choices have to fall on them.

    I hope you find some answers.

  4. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Never done the training. I agree that while there's consequences for the bad there has to be something for the good as well. I would take away my difficult child's video games (what he cares about most) and let him earn it back. My husband say why do you always give it back, you should just take it away. Well then, what would be the point of him ever having better behaviors, if he gets nothing in return for it. You could try to sit down with him and discuss what your expectations are, the things you feel are most important to accomplish, and what he gets or consequences for achieving or not. Leave the little stuff (for us was forgetting about a spotless room LOL) and worry about the big (for us was school and doing what he had to for that). There has to be something he DOES care about, tho it's probably not easy to get out of him what it might be, whether it's going into a sport, or playing guitar or video games, everyone has something they want. I found once I started asking my difficult child for input, he did better. Not perfect, but at least he stopped getting suspended from school. :faint: My difficult child didn't always want to sit down and talk about things, but eventually he came to realize he COULD tell me things and I wouldn't yell and he'll now come out with things I never thought he would say.