(&^&^$^%$^% PO Arghhhh

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Dec 5, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    PO had left message, I called and had to leave VM. I told him travel at work stops after trip I'm currently on. And I told him about difficult child's academic record and that this is the only thing difficult child is good at and the only thing he's stuck to. PO said he had nothing to do with sd. Yeah, but he does have to do with group home. He said it's up to reentry lady and sd and he has nothing to do with it. I said, yes, he does because if he orders group home, difficult child has 2 choices- quit school and get GED or alternative school for rest of high school, which greatly diminshes his chances of his academic goals. He kept interrupting, I got ticked and told him to quit interrupting. He said difficult child is going to group home and he has nothing to do with the rest of it. I told him he had no credibility with me anymore, he's said something different every time we talk. He said difficult child is definitely going to group home due to 'safety of the community'. Yeah, when has difficult child posed a threat to anyone 'in the community' besides me? It's not even logical to send difficult child to group home- there would be no mopre supervision there than at home- less really because PO said difficult child wouldn't be on ankle bracelet if he went to group home but would be if he came to live with me. No answer- then 'difficult child is going to group home'. I said 'you think he is, but we'll see' and slammed phone down.

    Darnit- I better get this job I'm interviewing for this week so I can move out of state and get difficult child out of that entire state's jurisdiction. Otherwise, it's going to be another trip to court to have a judge review it all.

    I think I'm right- I know if a kid is on probation and parole, the jurisdiction changes to wherever the parent moves. If the kid is in Department of Juvenile Justice, they stay in the same correctional facility until released. Then, they go to the jurisdiction the parent has moved to, still on parole. But I'll have to check with attny to make sure that difficult child would move to state I'm in if the PO of the 'old' state wants him going to group home. If anyone has the answer to that, please let me know. I can say, the group home is not a Department of Juvenile Justice facility, it's a local group home and the only reason difficult child qualifies for it is because I moved to that jurisdiction. If I move out of that jurisdictiion, wouldn't it work the same as having to transfer difficult child's file because I moved?

    Honestly, what is the point of him calling me? He leaves messages like he's trying to fill me in on the latest news about difficult child. He has no clue what's going on with difficult child in Department of Juvenile Justice. He told me on today's message that difficult child was still in hold over charge last mo. No he's not- difficult child was in hold for 2 days and that was done several weeks ago. He gets papers in from Department of Juvenile Justice when difficult child has an 'incident' and he gets those papers weeks after the fact. He tried to tell me difficult child was in his Department of Juvenile Justice required treatment once when he hadn't even made it thru the waiting list yet. Along with that, he talkes like he needs an update for me- really, why? If my son is going to a group home, what is it you need to know about me and my life? As far as I'm concerned, it's none of his damned business.
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2011
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am so negative today so sorry for this but he is just another a**hole in our lives and these people really dont care what the heck really happens to our kids. I hate beaurocracy. I think you are amazing and strong and I would have just cried and not been able to talk to this jerk. You did great. When is that meeting with the other lawyer again?? (not yet right?)
  3. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I am so sorry! This guy never stops does he? Is there a chance for a guardian ad leitem (however you spell it)? I think they have to be in DCF custody for that. But maybe it would be another support for him. My daughter spent a few weeks awaiting "supposed therapeutic foster placement" (which had less supervision than we had at home and of course she ran off) in the group home. Really dirty, girls with noone to see them or love them. The good thing is I was able to see her as much as I wanted and take her out even. One of the teachers there really liked her and took special interest because she was so bright. I wonder if the school will be at the group home? If so, there are advanced on-line courses (at least here). This teacher asked me if she could use the on-line school-I had to tell her that difficult child was only there temp. While in residential, difficult child did have to use on-line school because they could not give her the advanced math, language arts etc. Other girls were remedial. In the end it didn't matter as she just got her GED. The good thing is if they do it at high school age they can get scholarships and go to Universities. She actually got her state diploma in the mail today. It's not as bad as it use to be when we were young.

    I don't know-I think I would keep fighting through your lawyer-esp. since he is motivated to do well. Hugs and hang in there-I so get your frustration.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You cannot get out of there fast enough. Seriously. I think difficult child needs to find another reason to scratch himself if that is what it takes to keep himself in if you have to stall having him released to give you time to move.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Do you know that difficult child has said he'd rather stay in Department of Juvenile Justice than go thru PO requirements? This is the sort of koi this state level needs to be aware of. The whole point is to get the kid off the state costs and 'rehabilitate' them. Yes, I can probably suceed at getting a GAL assigned. The problem with that is that in this state, they are 98% young, newly licensed attnys who believe anything a PO tells them. But at this point, what's to lose? I'm going to take a few days off around Christmas- I most definitely will keep my commitment to myself to write a letter to this state legislation. It took 3 years before their publisized reports from their own committees said just what parents here and in the general public have been saying all along. Finally, they realize they can't financially afford to keep warehousing these kids and no good is coming from it- families are busting up, kids are becoming adults living off taxpayers dollars because they can't do anything else, etc. But- on the local level- they are just claiming they need more money, they get more funding approved, and they do the same koi that keeps the hamster wheel going. It's stupid.

    My letter might not help my son, this state moves at a snail's pace. But at some point, someine is going to actually HEAR what the problems are.

    In the meantime, my son needs to man up and stand up for whatever it is he really wants out of his life. I'm his Mom and always will be and will support any constructive (or even legal) position he takes but I'll still advocate for what I think is in his best interest whether it's the same as his idea or not, given that he's getting ready to turn 17 and has been incarcerated since turning 14, for all intents and purposes. I'm telling him in a letter I just wrote that it would be a lot easier if he wasn't still resenting the fact that I was placing 'so many requirements' on him at home. He better wise up- but ****- if the issue is just that he can't respect MY rules, then he still doesn't need to be in a dump until he's 18, out of school and on his own, assuming he can function in the real world and not break the law.