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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 725666" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Mine? 29, <em>with three kids</em>. Hubs and I were "rescuers" for years. Thought it was our duty as parents, but it was always, take, take, take. Like we had an endless supply of money, time, health. Huh. Nothing stopped the drama and chaos, it infiltrated every pore. Hubs already with issues, his health rapidly declined. It didn't matter to my two d cs. They didn't bat an eye. He passed. Drama at the hospital, drama after his burial. It just never ended and is still ongoing.</p><p>My stomach churns as I write this.</p><p>It is incredibly selfish of adult children to use their parents.</p><p>To involve senior parents in one "Jerry Springer" episode after another.</p><p>I am thinking of my friends who have normal loving relationships with their adult children.</p><p>I think of MY parents, who would never allow the shenanigans, and my siblings and I would never put them through this cr#p!</p><p>Don't feel bad for taking your life back, for taking the controls back, and not letting the drama drive the bus.</p><p>It is not right to have such expectations as an adult child, to put parents through the ringer of consequences of bad choices.</p><p> Yes. Good one Swot. There are places to go and get help. You are not the only choice. I have said this to my daughters, "You need to go to rehab, or to a shelter." They don't want to, because there are rules. I have no way of enforcing anything in my home. They just continue as is, and drag me along for the hell ride. Nope, my house is supposed to be my sanctuary.</p><p> Nothing changes, if nothing changes.</p><p></p><p>More than reasonable. Otherwise, it will just be more of the same ole, same ole. What would motivate her to be any different, if she feels she can always fall back on you?</p><p> Take you for granted?</p><p>Unacceptable.</p><p>There is a good article on detachment that can help you to shift focus and see through the fog of this.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD</a></p><p>It takes work and a new way of doing things and reacting. After years of going through this stuff, we are pretty much conditioned to respond the same way. Our d cs have all ramped up behaviors, when we decide to say no. Then, there is this incredible feeling of guilt and abandonment, that, as parents, we should <em>do something</em>. It takes work to change direction and behave differently.</p><p>For them, and for us.</p><p>Really, we have pretty much abandoned ourselves, our peace and joy, trying desperately to "help" our adult children, who continue to make poor choices.</p><p>Hubs cousins are near 80 and still housing their 50 year old wayward d cs. UGH!</p><p></p><p>The article is a good read.</p><p>I am sorry for your troubles and need to be here.</p><p>It is a good place to figure out how to move forward and<em> find your peace.</em></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 725666, member: 19522"] Mine? 29, [I]with three kids[/I]. Hubs and I were "rescuers" for years. Thought it was our duty as parents, but it was always, take, take, take. Like we had an endless supply of money, time, health. Huh. Nothing stopped the drama and chaos, it infiltrated every pore. Hubs already with issues, his health rapidly declined. It didn't matter to my two d cs. They didn't bat an eye. He passed. Drama at the hospital, drama after his burial. It just never ended and is still ongoing. My stomach churns as I write this. It is incredibly selfish of adult children to use their parents. To involve senior parents in one "Jerry Springer" episode after another. I am thinking of my friends who have normal loving relationships with their adult children. I think of MY parents, who would never allow the shenanigans, and my siblings and I would never put them through this cr#p! Don't feel bad for taking your life back, for taking the controls back, and not letting the drama drive the bus. It is not right to have such expectations as an adult child, to put parents through the ringer of consequences of bad choices. Yes. Good one Swot. There are places to go and get help. You are not the only choice. I have said this to my daughters, "You need to go to rehab, or to a shelter." They don't want to, because there are rules. I have no way of enforcing anything in my home. They just continue as is, and drag me along for the hell ride. Nope, my house is supposed to be my sanctuary. Nothing changes, if nothing changes. More than reasonable. Otherwise, it will just be more of the same ole, same ole. What would motivate her to be any different, if she feels she can always fall back on you? Take you for granted? Unacceptable. There is a good article on detachment that can help you to shift focus and see through the fog of this. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#ixzz4NPcnawgD[/URL] It takes work and a new way of doing things and reacting. After years of going through this stuff, we are pretty much conditioned to respond the same way. Our d cs have all ramped up behaviors, when we decide to say no. Then, there is this incredible feeling of guilt and abandonment, that, as parents, we should [I]do something[/I]. It takes work to change direction and behave differently. For them, and for us. Really, we have pretty much abandoned ourselves, our peace and joy, trying desperately to "help" our adult children, who continue to make poor choices. Hubs cousins are near 80 and still housing their 50 year old wayward d cs. UGH! The article is a good read. I am sorry for your troubles and need to be here. It is a good place to figure out how to move forward and[I] find your peace.[/I] (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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