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Police for Christmas
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725816" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry to be so late in welcoming you to the Board. I think you need to let your daughter be out of your life until she has about a year of clean, sober, productive, tax paying life under her belt. Until she can do that, she really isn't going to be anyone you want to spend time with. All she will do is take from you, and you deserve so much better than that. </p><p></p><p>My brother did rehab. I think my parents did it the right way. They left him in jail for a couple of weeks first, so he could detox there. Then they got him to rehab two days before they left the country for the summer. Sure they worried, but he was an adult. They tried to get me to come and spend the summer watching over him after he got out of rehab. Oh, heck no!!! I had kids that were NOT going to be exposed to that!! He was abusive enough to me and I wanted no part of him in that state or for that long a time period. Or to supervise him in any capacity. So my brother got out of rehab and had to sink or swim like a big boy. He figured it out. </p><p></p><p>Leave your daughter alone to do this. Do NOT take her anything at any time for any reason. If you take her food, money, clothing, or anything else, you will only be getting in her way. Part of being an adult is figuring out how to support yourself when you have driven everyone away. What, exactly, has your daughter done to make you want to be around her? What, exactly, has she done FOR you? WITHOUT a selfish motive, without meaning to get something out of it for herself? </p><p></p><p>The more you provide for your daughter, the more in her way you are. When she has to do it all for herself, it just might be too hard to keep using. Get. Out. Of. Her. Way.</p><p></p><p>As for bringing her cigarettes? Have you lost your mind? Take the money from that carton of cigarettes and go do something very nice for yourself. Those things are expensive and you deserve something nice FAR more than she does!!! Don't spend the money on her and don't help her pollute her body that way!</p><p></p><p>As far as being there when she gets out of rehab, I vote no. If you are, she will slide back into old habits. SHE needs to have you not be there. No matter how much she begs. She needs to figure it out for herself. No matter how much the social worker begs. The social worker begs because it is easier for them, not because they need you involved. They are used to having families who don't want to be involved. They have developed tools to guilt you into helping and paying for their sober living houses so that they don't have to figure out where the patient is going to go. Just block the number and your daughter's number.</p><p></p><p>She had the cajones to not even tell you before the ambulance came on Christmas Eve (how many steps would she have had to take??), she can certainly figure out the rest of the steps. If she gets through to you and asks why you won't help her, tell her that you figure that she is grown enough to do it herself. She figured out how to get herself to rehab, she can just call another ambulance to get wherever she needs to go next. It just won't be from your house. </p><p></p><p>Turn her room into something else. Make it a craft room or an exercise room or a room to make pizza in. ANYTHING else so that it isn't a bedroom. That way when she is out of rehab, she has no room to move into. It will send a clear message to her, and to YOU, that she cannot come back to your home. I know that will be hard, but it is important if she is ever to break the habit of getting high. She won't break it if she comes back to your home.</p><p></p><p>Starting today, find an AlAnon or NarAnon meeting to attend. You can find them listed online (google) or look them up in the phone book and call the number to hear a recording of times and places in your area. It is VERY important that you break the cycle of enabling. It won't happen overnight. This is something you need help with just as much as she does. Otherwise you will falter and will slide back into the h#ll of having her live with you and having to deal with her being high all the time. </p><p></p><p>Don't you ALL deserve better than that?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725816, member: 1233"] I am sorry to be so late in welcoming you to the Board. I think you need to let your daughter be out of your life until she has about a year of clean, sober, productive, tax paying life under her belt. Until she can do that, she really isn't going to be anyone you want to spend time with. All she will do is take from you, and you deserve so much better than that. My brother did rehab. I think my parents did it the right way. They left him in jail for a couple of weeks first, so he could detox there. Then they got him to rehab two days before they left the country for the summer. Sure they worried, but he was an adult. They tried to get me to come and spend the summer watching over him after he got out of rehab. Oh, heck no!!! I had kids that were NOT going to be exposed to that!! He was abusive enough to me and I wanted no part of him in that state or for that long a time period. Or to supervise him in any capacity. So my brother got out of rehab and had to sink or swim like a big boy. He figured it out. Leave your daughter alone to do this. Do NOT take her anything at any time for any reason. If you take her food, money, clothing, or anything else, you will only be getting in her way. Part of being an adult is figuring out how to support yourself when you have driven everyone away. What, exactly, has your daughter done to make you want to be around her? What, exactly, has she done FOR you? WITHOUT a selfish motive, without meaning to get something out of it for herself? The more you provide for your daughter, the more in her way you are. When she has to do it all for herself, it just might be too hard to keep using. Get. Out. Of. Her. Way. As for bringing her cigarettes? Have you lost your mind? Take the money from that carton of cigarettes and go do something very nice for yourself. Those things are expensive and you deserve something nice FAR more than she does!!! Don't spend the money on her and don't help her pollute her body that way! As far as being there when she gets out of rehab, I vote no. If you are, she will slide back into old habits. SHE needs to have you not be there. No matter how much she begs. She needs to figure it out for herself. No matter how much the social worker begs. The social worker begs because it is easier for them, not because they need you involved. They are used to having families who don't want to be involved. They have developed tools to guilt you into helping and paying for their sober living houses so that they don't have to figure out where the patient is going to go. Just block the number and your daughter's number. She had the cajones to not even tell you before the ambulance came on Christmas Eve (how many steps would she have had to take??), she can certainly figure out the rest of the steps. If she gets through to you and asks why you won't help her, tell her that you figure that she is grown enough to do it herself. She figured out how to get herself to rehab, she can just call another ambulance to get wherever she needs to go next. It just won't be from your house. Turn her room into something else. Make it a craft room or an exercise room or a room to make pizza in. ANYTHING else so that it isn't a bedroom. That way when she is out of rehab, she has no room to move into. It will send a clear message to her, and to YOU, that she cannot come back to your home. I know that will be hard, but it is important if she is ever to break the habit of getting high. She won't break it if she comes back to your home. Starting today, find an AlAnon or NarAnon meeting to attend. You can find them listed online (google) or look them up in the phone book and call the number to hear a recording of times and places in your area. It is VERY important that you break the cycle of enabling. It won't happen overnight. This is something you need help with just as much as she does. Otherwise you will falter and will slide back into the h#ll of having her live with you and having to deal with her being high all the time. Don't you ALL deserve better than that? [/QUOTE]
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