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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 631075" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>dsct, sadly you can't control your husband and nothing can stop your difficult child from thinking you are the "bad guy." But think about it. What does she mean by "bad guy?" Well, in a summary, you are "bad" because she doesn't want to work or grow up and you want her to do so and are not giving in to her childishness and child-like expectations. That really makes you the good guy, at least in many of our eyes. Your husband does her no favors, by continuing to treat her as if she is a ten year old rather than nineteen. Most nineteen year olds are in college, tech school, or working full time. Some are serving our country. They are not "playing." Playing is for children. They are using their own money for much of their needs, if they work full time. In what way is your husband REALLY the good guy?</p><p></p><p>But since you can't control him, yes, your difficult child may meanly and very immaturely call you childish names like "MEan Mommy." Remember that she really means, "You won't give me stuff for free." Of course she will nice to your husband if he is willing to support her. She ain't stupid. She'd be nice to you if you'd throw money, your car, and anything else she wanted at her with no expectations.</p><p></p><p>That doesn't mean that your difficult child is right. She is just angry that she can't control YOU, which is her goal. She wants to get everyone to continue to treat her as if she were in elementary school. There are jobs out there. She doesn't want one. Why should she? Daddy pays and she is not intristically hardworking.</p><p></p><p>You do what you feel is right and try to remember that even if ex decides to be the one who gets the hugs, he isn't doing your daughter any favors. In our US society, we value independence and he is not pushing her toward being an acceptable young woman in our society. The older she gets, the harder she will find it to connect with others who are already functioning in the real world. But that is a natural consequence. I suspect eventually husband will get tired of her sitting around doing nothing, but...hey, some parents like to be Daddy or Mommy even when their children are sixty. You don't have to make that choice. You can't control his choices. You can learn how to tune out your daughter's mean comments. They will become less often heard when you don't respond to them, no matter how loud she shrieks them at you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 631075, member: 1550"] dsct, sadly you can't control your husband and nothing can stop your difficult child from thinking you are the "bad guy." But think about it. What does she mean by "bad guy?" Well, in a summary, you are "bad" because she doesn't want to work or grow up and you want her to do so and are not giving in to her childishness and child-like expectations. That really makes you the good guy, at least in many of our eyes. Your husband does her no favors, by continuing to treat her as if she is a ten year old rather than nineteen. Most nineteen year olds are in college, tech school, or working full time. Some are serving our country. They are not "playing." Playing is for children. They are using their own money for much of their needs, if they work full time. In what way is your husband REALLY the good guy? But since you can't control him, yes, your difficult child may meanly and very immaturely call you childish names like "MEan Mommy." Remember that she really means, "You won't give me stuff for free." Of course she will nice to your husband if he is willing to support her. She ain't stupid. She'd be nice to you if you'd throw money, your car, and anything else she wanted at her with no expectations. That doesn't mean that your difficult child is right. She is just angry that she can't control YOU, which is her goal. She wants to get everyone to continue to treat her as if she were in elementary school. There are jobs out there. She doesn't want one. Why should she? Daddy pays and she is not intristically hardworking. You do what you feel is right and try to remember that even if ex decides to be the one who gets the hugs, he isn't doing your daughter any favors. In our US society, we value independence and he is not pushing her toward being an acceptable young woman in our society. The older she gets, the harder she will find it to connect with others who are already functioning in the real world. But that is a natural consequence. I suspect eventually husband will get tired of her sitting around doing nothing, but...hey, some parents like to be Daddy or Mommy even when their children are sixty. You don't have to make that choice. You can't control his choices. You can learn how to tune out your daughter's mean comments. They will become less often heard when you don't respond to them, no matter how loud she shrieks them at you. [/QUOTE]
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