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Poor, pitiful me syndrome with-public opinions
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<blockquote data-quote="AllStressedOut" data-source="post: 71386" data-attributes="member: 3837"><p>I like the idea of asking a paramedic to speak with him and his class. I'll ask the teacher once she realizes I'm not a total nut job. </p><p></p><p>I haven't heard back from the nurse or teacher from the email I sent. Granted, it really is a novel. husband saw it two different ways. He said #1, this email may seem like a guilty concience to some people and #2, it really does share what we've been through and what we do to help difficult child now</p><p></p><p>So, I want honest opinions, again, I'm obsessing! So if you don't want to read it or just simply can't make it through the novel, FEEL FREE to IGNORE me! My feelings won't be hurt.</p><p></p><p>Here it is:</p><p></p><p>"Let me start off by saying that I really am not a mean mom, because as you read this email or hear how I spoke to difficult child today, you may think so. When difficult child visited the neuropsychologist (I think I told you this already) the doctor mentioned how difficult child whines to get what he wants, or to not do something he doesn't want to do. He asked if difficult child manipulates us at home. When difficult child was younger he use to say "My tummy hurts, I need a drink." If you offered water, this wouldn't do, he would want Daddy's diet coke, milk or juice, but water wouldn't fix it. After awhile we realized his tummy didn't hurt, he was just using this to get what he wanted. So what we did was, if he used this tactic, the answer was no, but if he asked nicely for what he wanted, the answer was yes. As he's gotten older, he's changed how he does it, but now its "Boy, I sure do like (insert food here)." rather than just asking "Can I have (insert food here)?" So now we do the same with this as well, we say no when he doesn't ask for it and yes when he asks nicely.</p><p> </p><p>This being said, difficult child also cries when he really is not upset. He's crying to make you feel bad for him. He also cries when he truly is upset, but you have to learn by spending time with him, what the difference is. So right now its going to be difficult, because you don't know him well yet.</p><p> </p><p>Here is the part I sound like such a mean mom in. When I walked into the office today he was fake crying, so I sternly told him "No, stop that, I know better. The nurse doesn't know you well enough yet, and she doesn't realize your faking it." Well, he stopped, no tears, no sniffles, nothing. When I asked him questions he answered them in a whiney voice. He will use these tactics on anyone who doesn't know him well or who believes he's genuinely upset. Once you get to know him better you will figure out when it is real and when it's not.</p><p> </p><p>I am not sure if you are permitted to do this as a teacher, but as you learn and you know better, I would actually prefer you to stop it very plainly and sternly like I do. It calms the situation down so much faster and you can talk to him and figure out the true problem easier.</p><p> </p><p>I'm going to say this next part, because this is always my fear and I'm trying to be sure you all know the full picture. A parent called CPS on us last year because of difficult child's doctor ordered diet. They felt we were doing this to be mean. We truly aren't. We really want to figure out all that we can do to help difficult child have the best day and life possible. difficult child has many difficulties that we want to help him overcome. CPS investigated us and spoke to his doctor that ordered the diet. They did not find anything wrong with us or how we parent or discipline. We do not hurt our kids. We love them and we sincerely want them to do their best. difficult child will continue to see the new psychiatrist every month and if you ever have concerns, I'd like to fill out the form to have you speak with this doctor. If you ever think we're neglecting or abusing our children, please start here first and then go to CPS if you think you need to. I worry about this all the time because this was the most heartbreaking time in our lives. We love our kids, we do our best and we certainly aren't perfect, but we aren't neglectful or abusive ever.</p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry, this turned into a novel again. I really hope you and the nurse don't think I'm awful. I love difficult child very much. Over the years I have just figured out what works best in dealing with the tactics he uses on us and others and how to handle the situation as quickly and calmly as possible. I let him know this behavior isn't acceptable and that it won't be tolerated, but I do it very matter of fact, because black and white works best with him.</p><p> </p><p>On a separate note, when he gave me his lunch bag, it only had a sandwich in it. No drink, pickles, apples, or afternoon snack. He said he ate them all this morning during morning snack and left his drink with his backpack. If he can be limited to one baggy of nuts during morning snack and one in the afternoon to keep him balanced during the day, then everything else left for lunch, I would really appreciate it. I want him to be eating a large breakfast, a good sized lunch and dinner and protein snacks between them to keep him as balanced as possible through out the day. It truly helps him to have the best day possible."</p><p></p><p>Did you make it through? LOL</p><p> :bravo:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AllStressedOut, post: 71386, member: 3837"] I like the idea of asking a paramedic to speak with him and his class. I'll ask the teacher once she realizes I'm not a total nut job. I haven't heard back from the nurse or teacher from the email I sent. Granted, it really is a novel. husband saw it two different ways. He said #1, this email may seem like a guilty concience to some people and #2, it really does share what we've been through and what we do to help difficult child now So, I want honest opinions, again, I'm obsessing! So if you don't want to read it or just simply can't make it through the novel, FEEL FREE to IGNORE me! My feelings won't be hurt. Here it is: "Let me start off by saying that I really am not a mean mom, because as you read this email or hear how I spoke to difficult child today, you may think so. When difficult child visited the neuropsychologist (I think I told you this already) the doctor mentioned how difficult child whines to get what he wants, or to not do something he doesn't want to do. He asked if difficult child manipulates us at home. When difficult child was younger he use to say "My tummy hurts, I need a drink." If you offered water, this wouldn't do, he would want Daddy's diet coke, milk or juice, but water wouldn't fix it. After awhile we realized his tummy didn't hurt, he was just using this to get what he wanted. So what we did was, if he used this tactic, the answer was no, but if he asked nicely for what he wanted, the answer was yes. As he's gotten older, he's changed how he does it, but now its "Boy, I sure do like (insert food here)." rather than just asking "Can I have (insert food here)?" So now we do the same with this as well, we say no when he doesn't ask for it and yes when he asks nicely. This being said, difficult child also cries when he really is not upset. He's crying to make you feel bad for him. He also cries when he truly is upset, but you have to learn by spending time with him, what the difference is. So right now its going to be difficult, because you don't know him well yet. Here is the part I sound like such a mean mom in. When I walked into the office today he was fake crying, so I sternly told him "No, stop that, I know better. The nurse doesn't know you well enough yet, and she doesn't realize your faking it." Well, he stopped, no tears, no sniffles, nothing. When I asked him questions he answered them in a whiney voice. He will use these tactics on anyone who doesn't know him well or who believes he's genuinely upset. Once you get to know him better you will figure out when it is real and when it's not. I am not sure if you are permitted to do this as a teacher, but as you learn and you know better, I would actually prefer you to stop it very plainly and sternly like I do. It calms the situation down so much faster and you can talk to him and figure out the true problem easier. I'm going to say this next part, because this is always my fear and I'm trying to be sure you all know the full picture. A parent called CPS on us last year because of difficult child's doctor ordered diet. They felt we were doing this to be mean. We truly aren't. We really want to figure out all that we can do to help difficult child have the best day and life possible. difficult child has many difficulties that we want to help him overcome. CPS investigated us and spoke to his doctor that ordered the diet. They did not find anything wrong with us or how we parent or discipline. We do not hurt our kids. We love them and we sincerely want them to do their best. difficult child will continue to see the new psychiatrist every month and if you ever have concerns, I'd like to fill out the form to have you speak with this doctor. If you ever think we're neglecting or abusing our children, please start here first and then go to CPS if you think you need to. I worry about this all the time because this was the most heartbreaking time in our lives. We love our kids, we do our best and we certainly aren't perfect, but we aren't neglectful or abusive ever. I'm sorry, this turned into a novel again. I really hope you and the nurse don't think I'm awful. I love difficult child very much. Over the years I have just figured out what works best in dealing with the tactics he uses on us and others and how to handle the situation as quickly and calmly as possible. I let him know this behavior isn't acceptable and that it won't be tolerated, but I do it very matter of fact, because black and white works best with him. On a separate note, when he gave me his lunch bag, it only had a sandwich in it. No drink, pickles, apples, or afternoon snack. He said he ate them all this morning during morning snack and left his drink with his backpack. If he can be limited to one baggy of nuts during morning snack and one in the afternoon to keep him balanced during the day, then everything else left for lunch, I would really appreciate it. I want him to be eating a large breakfast, a good sized lunch and dinner and protein snacks between them to keep him as balanced as possible through out the day. It truly helps him to have the best day possible." Did you make it through? LOL [img]:bravo:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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