Positive thoughts for my nephew

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Wiped Out, Sep 5, 2013.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My sister's middle boy went off to college about 2 weeks ago and really struggled; he dropping his classes and moving home (across country). My sister is worried he may be dealing with depression. I know this is going to be a rough transition home as well as this has always been their challenging child.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Wow, 2 weeks is such a short amount of time. What's past is past now but did he reach out for support at the university? My easy child went through this too her freshman year but I was in the same town and could support her and urge her to work through it.

    I hope he is able to live within the boundaries coming home and the three of them can come to a supportive, healing place. Sometimes it's just a case of the baby bird leaving the nest too soon and needing to return for more life lessons.

    Probably the biggest key is to allow him a little space to realize he is not a failure and to make sure all three are clear on what the expectations are moving forward.

  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending positive thoughts.............prayers for your nephew and his well being.........
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending prayers and positive vibes. I hope he will accept some help with adjusting to all the changes he is experiencing. This in NO way means he is a failure, though it likely will be hard to convince him of this. It actually means he is smarter than the average and that he is far more in tune to what he needs. Both of those are more reliable predictors of success than grades or test scores.

    College retention studies have shown that students who take a gap year, or year off between high school and college usually get better grades, learn more and can apply what they learn/know more effectively, and get better jobs that earn more money once they graduate from college. My mom spent around 10 years on the retention committee for our local university, so this was something we read and discussed over dinner, etc... (yes, were a bit odd. What did you expect from MY family? LOL). By coming home your son may have ma on of the best decisions he could make for himself. Going to college in a year or so, when he is ready, will do TONS more for him than going now when he is miserable, scared, and simply not ready.

    One key factor in making this a wise choice is what he does with his gap year. Working, esp if he can get a toe into whatever field he wants a career in, is important. Dealing with any medical and/or mental health issues is important during this year also. Sitting around playing video games, watching tv, etc... is NOT a wise way to use this year. If the family can afford it and he wants to do this, it could be a good year to travel or work on a cruise ship or do something similar. Just my 2 cents.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon-I agree 2 weeks is a super short amount of time. My sister and brother in law wanted him to try the semester. He is usually a happy go lucky kid (except with his parents) who has a ton of friends. He hated it, then tried out for the soccer team, made it, accidentally missed the first practice and was kicked off the team. My sister thinks it wasn't just the soccer and that more is going on.

    RE-Thanks for the good thoughts.

    Susie-I know this will be super hard. My sister is hoping he will go to some counseling. He has an older brother who is in his 3rd year at another college and doing great. In fact he is a senior even though he is only in his 3rd year so he probably puts some pressure on himself because of that even though I know my sister and brother in law do not compare.

    I know they will not let him just sit around playing video games. He will need to get a job and other expectations will be in place.

    Hopefully things will get better for him. He really is a neat kid!
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sending good thoughts your nephew's way.