I'm new, never posted before but was hoping for gentle advice. After years of denial and hoping for maturity, I'm beginning to accept that my 18 year old moved-out daughter possibly has undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. Last night on the phone she pummeled me for an hour about how I haven't been pursuing her when she's mad at me. She's correct, since she no longer lives here, when she gets angry I've apologized, then just given her space with an occasional weekly text of "I'm here if you need me...". She said that she wants me to call her instead, and not to text her unless I plan to call and apologize. She's accusing me of being passive aggressive, and when I remained consistently calm on the phone she accuses me of talking in a monotone which she tried to get me to apologize for because she felt unloved. She has a history of self-injuring, been hospitalized for suicidal ideation twice, tried and discontinued many medications, and was in years of therapy, both alone and with me, but mostly alone. Last night on the phone I truly don't know what she was even mad about to begin with, she hit me from so many directions, and was being rude and trying to micromanage my words, and at the end I suggested a therapy session for the three of us but she refused. She moved out in March and pays for almost everything herself. She's independent in that way, but the past month or two I can't do ANYTHING right. Nothing. It's as though she finds me just to pick a giant fight. To be honest, it seems as though she has always had the upper hand emotionally, especially with her past history. It makes me afraid to cut her off because, well, what if...? I'm just not sure what my role is, stand firm and probably watch her up the ante like she's usually done, or just try to smooth things over so I have some peace?