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Substance Abuse
possible relapse
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 693439" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>If his drug of choice is alcohol, then yes; a single beer is a relapse. Hell, a single beer for ANYBODY early in recovery is a relapse, even if alcohol isn't their drug of choice. Recovery is about being clean in general, not about stopping one specific drug. I am only addicted to opiate pain medication. I have done a lot of parting in my day, but alcohol was never a problem. Only drank in social situations, really. However, when I first stopped taking the pills, I had to stop drinking entirely, as well. And stop smoking pot, which is something I rarely did to begin with. It is very dangerous territory, for a new to recovery addict to be in an altered state of mind. It leads to lowered inhibitions, and can never have any effect other than negative.</p><p></p><p>There is no such thing as "just one" to an addict. Just one drink, just one snort, just one shot, etc. Other people may be capable of having just one, but we are not. If we were capable of stopping at just one, we wouldn't be junkies. We wouldn't have allowed it to destroy our lives, and the lives of everybody around us. Just one is a very dangerous fantasy for an addict, especially when early in recovery. The message must be that NO mild altering substances are okay. I didn't drink a beer for over a year. Even now, I drink MAYBE once a month. Generally when friends are visiting town, or something. Doing so earlier than that would have been very dangerous, and silly.</p><p></p><p>That said, I am more concerned with the way you are taking all of this. It sounds like your mental and emotional state depend ENTIRELY on your son's going ons. That isn't a good thing. For you, or for him. Look what it does to you. Does you freaking out somehow improve the situation for him? For you? Of course it doesn't. Detachment isn't just for the benefit of the addict, but for the one detaching, as well. You have a very codependent relationship that yields only negative outcomes for all involved. Just as your son needs to get to the point where his mental and emotional well being doesn't rely on mind altering substances, you need to get to the point where YOUR mental and emotional well being doesn't rely on his. I suggest removing whatever ability you have to monitor his e-mails, texts, stuff like that. It's a bit invasive, and is causing you way more trouble than it is really worth. It is making you sick with worry over something you aren't even entirely sure happened yet.</p><p></p><p>I am not a parent and cannot imagine what it is like on your side of things, but I do know what was and was not helpful for me in my own recovery. Constantly terrified I was going to disappoint my aunt once again..... Always thinking about the effect it might have on her was not actually helpful to me. It made my entire recovery about her, and not me. I am still working on being better for myself. I struggle with it, because I don't like myself very much. I like my aunt a hell of a lot more than I like me. Trust me, you will both be in a much better place when his recovery is about him, and yours about you. It is so much easier to be happy together when both parties are capable of being happy apart. Of course you are going to worry about him, but with time, it will get better. Assuming he does get better. Or maybe he doesn't get better yet. That'd be very unfortunate, but are you going to let it destroy you?</p><p></p><p>Have you ever attended alanon meetings, or anything of the sort?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 693439, member: 20267"] If his drug of choice is alcohol, then yes; a single beer is a relapse. Hell, a single beer for ANYBODY early in recovery is a relapse, even if alcohol isn't their drug of choice. Recovery is about being clean in general, not about stopping one specific drug. I am only addicted to opiate pain medication. I have done a lot of parting in my day, but alcohol was never a problem. Only drank in social situations, really. However, when I first stopped taking the pills, I had to stop drinking entirely, as well. And stop smoking pot, which is something I rarely did to begin with. It is very dangerous territory, for a new to recovery addict to be in an altered state of mind. It leads to lowered inhibitions, and can never have any effect other than negative. There is no such thing as "just one" to an addict. Just one drink, just one snort, just one shot, etc. Other people may be capable of having just one, but we are not. If we were capable of stopping at just one, we wouldn't be junkies. We wouldn't have allowed it to destroy our lives, and the lives of everybody around us. Just one is a very dangerous fantasy for an addict, especially when early in recovery. The message must be that NO mild altering substances are okay. I didn't drink a beer for over a year. Even now, I drink MAYBE once a month. Generally when friends are visiting town, or something. Doing so earlier than that would have been very dangerous, and silly. That said, I am more concerned with the way you are taking all of this. It sounds like your mental and emotional state depend ENTIRELY on your son's going ons. That isn't a good thing. For you, or for him. Look what it does to you. Does you freaking out somehow improve the situation for him? For you? Of course it doesn't. Detachment isn't just for the benefit of the addict, but for the one detaching, as well. You have a very codependent relationship that yields only negative outcomes for all involved. Just as your son needs to get to the point where his mental and emotional well being doesn't rely on mind altering substances, you need to get to the point where YOUR mental and emotional well being doesn't rely on his. I suggest removing whatever ability you have to monitor his e-mails, texts, stuff like that. It's a bit invasive, and is causing you way more trouble than it is really worth. It is making you sick with worry over something you aren't even entirely sure happened yet. I am not a parent and cannot imagine what it is like on your side of things, but I do know what was and was not helpful for me in my own recovery. Constantly terrified I was going to disappoint my aunt once again..... Always thinking about the effect it might have on her was not actually helpful to me. It made my entire recovery about her, and not me. I am still working on being better for myself. I struggle with it, because I don't like myself very much. I like my aunt a hell of a lot more than I like me. Trust me, you will both be in a much better place when his recovery is about him, and yours about you. It is so much easier to be happy together when both parties are capable of being happy apart. Of course you are going to worry about him, but with time, it will get better. Assuming he does get better. Or maybe he doesn't get better yet. That'd be very unfortunate, but are you going to let it destroy you? Have you ever attended alanon meetings, or anything of the sort? [/QUOTE]
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