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Post Rehab, Brother 31, Living at Home Doping, Mom Enabling. Family Split. point of view: Concerned Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 700645" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I admit I couldn't read the whole thing but I do think I have read enough. You feel unsafe around your brotjet. Be good to yourself and stay away. Sadly, you can not protect your parents if they allow him to live there. We all have our limitations in the situation of otjers, even family. Maybe especially family.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is impossible for you to change other people to be the way you like. You sound belittling toward your mom and brother. I cant blame you. Your brother is sick, but he could do better, and if he were my son he'd be out the door without my financial support until the day he got clean.</p><p>Even then I would not support a 31 year old man.</p><p></p><p>BUT this is me, not her. It does not sound like it is going to stop soon or that your telling her how you feel is changing things. I'm so sorry she hurts you, making you feel unimportant. I had this with my own mother...</p><p></p><p>You can't control your family's chaos but you do have control over yourself. Maybe it's time to choose peace and stop getting involved with your mother and brothers choices. You are newly married so you live elsewhere. You can relax in the sancuary of your home with your husband and dogs. You can bask in the serenity.</p><p></p><p>You can chose to have dinners and holidays alone or with other family or friends...away from the chaos. You do not have to engage dysfunction and you can't stop it. It is too bad that your happy childhood turned on to this, but it is what it is. You can chose distance and infrequent contact. I must say, I love that you rescued and love Old Dog.</p><p></p><p>I am an animal lover too. Thanks for the rescue. If you were my daughter I would cherish you. It is not you...it is your mother's sick enmeshment with dysfunctional brother. You are caring and kind.</p><p></p><p>Maybe therapy to help you pull back and cope may help. Often an outsider perspective is the least emotional and makes the most sense.</p><p></p><p>Wishing you well. Congrats on your marriage. Don't let this other stuff get in the way of your happiness!! Keep us updated.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 700645, member: 1550"] I admit I couldn't read the whole thing but I do think I have read enough. You feel unsafe around your brotjet. Be good to yourself and stay away. Sadly, you can not protect your parents if they allow him to live there. We all have our limitations in the situation of otjers, even family. Maybe especially family. It is impossible for you to change other people to be the way you like. You sound belittling toward your mom and brother. I cant blame you. Your brother is sick, but he could do better, and if he were my son he'd be out the door without my financial support until the day he got clean. Even then I would not support a 31 year old man. BUT this is me, not her. It does not sound like it is going to stop soon or that your telling her how you feel is changing things. I'm so sorry she hurts you, making you feel unimportant. I had this with my own mother... You can't control your family's chaos but you do have control over yourself. Maybe it's time to choose peace and stop getting involved with your mother and brothers choices. You are newly married so you live elsewhere. You can relax in the sancuary of your home with your husband and dogs. You can bask in the serenity. You can chose to have dinners and holidays alone or with other family or friends...away from the chaos. You do not have to engage dysfunction and you can't stop it. It is too bad that your happy childhood turned on to this, but it is what it is. You can chose distance and infrequent contact. I must say, I love that you rescued and love Old Dog. I am an animal lover too. Thanks for the rescue. If you were my daughter I would cherish you. It is not you...it is your mother's sick enmeshment with dysfunctional brother. You are caring and kind. Maybe therapy to help you pull back and cope may help. Often an outsider perspective is the least emotional and makes the most sense. Wishing you well. Congrats on your marriage. Don't let this other stuff get in the way of your happiness!! Keep us updated. [/QUOTE]
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Post Rehab, Brother 31, Living at Home Doping, Mom Enabling. Family Split. point of view: Concerned Daughter
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