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Post Rehab, Brother 31, Living at Home Doping, Mom Enabling. Family Split. point of view: Concerned Daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Snow White" data-source="post: 701175" data-attributes="member: 355"><p>ETDMO, thank you for sharing yourself with us. </p><p></p><p>As someone who is in the midst of detachment with their daughter, I found your posts to be profound and insightful. Our oldest child has not spent a lot of time concerning himself with his sister. I believe he was able to detach a long time ago. In reading your posts, I wonder if those were the same thoughts that he had. Up until a few years ago, we tolerated the toxic events and behaviours in our home. Some friends/family members suggested that if we "showed her more love" everything would be better. Psychiatric appointments, hospitalizations, medications, therapy, police interventions, school assessments...the list is endless of what we tried. I now think I tried to make up for the perceived inequalities between the 2 kids. I don't think my husband and I really understood how much this affected our son. He never questioned, accused or condemned us. She got all of our resources and attention; there wasn't a lot of room for tolerance of his typical child/teen behaviours (not that there were that many). He never had friends stay over because he never knew when his sister would rage. It wasn't until she turned 18 and tried to physically fight her brother in the kitchen that he finally yelled at us that enough was enough. It was a game changer. Her behaviour escalated further the next day, the police came and she was removed from the house. That was the last time she lived in our house. We were able to finally see through the FOG that the family was dysfunctional when she was a part of the household. </p><p></p><p>I'm sorry that your mom has put you in the situation you are in. It isn't fair. I know my son has probably shaken his head many times while we enabled his sister. He can't fix her. We can't fix her. You can't fix your brother and it appears that you can't help your mother.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry for where you find yourself now. You seem to have it figured out, though. You have a wonderful family of your own and that should be your focus now.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for sharing the experience from a sibling point of view.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Snow White, post: 701175, member: 355"] ETDMO, thank you for sharing yourself with us. As someone who is in the midst of detachment with their daughter, I found your posts to be profound and insightful. Our oldest child has not spent a lot of time concerning himself with his sister. I believe he was able to detach a long time ago. In reading your posts, I wonder if those were the same thoughts that he had. Up until a few years ago, we tolerated the toxic events and behaviours in our home. Some friends/family members suggested that if we "showed her more love" everything would be better. Psychiatric appointments, hospitalizations, medications, therapy, police interventions, school assessments...the list is endless of what we tried. I now think I tried to make up for the perceived inequalities between the 2 kids. I don't think my husband and I really understood how much this affected our son. He never questioned, accused or condemned us. She got all of our resources and attention; there wasn't a lot of room for tolerance of his typical child/teen behaviours (not that there were that many). He never had friends stay over because he never knew when his sister would rage. It wasn't until she turned 18 and tried to physically fight her brother in the kitchen that he finally yelled at us that enough was enough. It was a game changer. Her behaviour escalated further the next day, the police came and she was removed from the house. That was the last time she lived in our house. We were able to finally see through the FOG that the family was dysfunctional when she was a part of the household. I'm sorry that your mom has put you in the situation you are in. It isn't fair. I know my son has probably shaken his head many times while we enabled his sister. He can't fix her. We can't fix her. You can't fix your brother and it appears that you can't help your mother. I'm sorry for where you find yourself now. You seem to have it figured out, though. You have a wonderful family of your own and that should be your focus now. Thank you for sharing the experience from a sibling point of view. [/QUOTE]
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