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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 712621" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have four grown kids, all raised in the same house and very different. Three were adopted. Dna is a part of how we turn out, moreso than parenting. The kids are exppsed to so much more than us after they turn even ten as well peers matter more to them than we do in pre teens and up. They have a huge influence.</p><p></p><p>I wonder about drugs. I have true panic disorder, not due to drugs, and i seriously wonder if your son is using stuff that gives him symptoms and/or withdrawals such as Xanax or some kind of opiate or speed. Not everything shows up on drug tests. A sudden change all around in a teen, other than severe mental illness, is usually drug related. And usually not just pot. We want to think its just pot if we dont see evidence of more. Often we ate wrong. They are good at hiding what they use. Been there.</p><p></p><p>Regardless, you have another son who is doing great. Dont make the mistake of edging him out for the son who is not doing well. The younger son needs you and deserves your attention.</p><p></p><p>Your oldest knows you love him. Right now, at 18, that no longer matters enough to set him right. Kids of all parents go through a lot in this age of divorce, step parents, back and forth living, and less stability. Most still thrive. Your son is chosing not to. Your youngest had the same challenges and is still doing well.</p><p></p><p>Take time for yourself. You cant control your son or ex, but you can control yourself. Most of us never know completely what goes on when a child turns in the wrong direction. It does you no good to guess and ruminate and it is harmful to you and both of your sons if you get sick trying to figure it out.</p><p></p><p>Do you see a therapist? Many of us find that immensely helpful!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 712621, member: 1550"] I have four grown kids, all raised in the same house and very different. Three were adopted. Dna is a part of how we turn out, moreso than parenting. The kids are exppsed to so much more than us after they turn even ten as well peers matter more to them than we do in pre teens and up. They have a huge influence. I wonder about drugs. I have true panic disorder, not due to drugs, and i seriously wonder if your son is using stuff that gives him symptoms and/or withdrawals such as Xanax or some kind of opiate or speed. Not everything shows up on drug tests. A sudden change all around in a teen, other than severe mental illness, is usually drug related. And usually not just pot. We want to think its just pot if we dont see evidence of more. Often we ate wrong. They are good at hiding what they use. Been there. Regardless, you have another son who is doing great. Dont make the mistake of edging him out for the son who is not doing well. The younger son needs you and deserves your attention. Your oldest knows you love him. Right now, at 18, that no longer matters enough to set him right. Kids of all parents go through a lot in this age of divorce, step parents, back and forth living, and less stability. Most still thrive. Your son is chosing not to. Your youngest had the same challenges and is still doing well. Take time for yourself. You cant control your son or ex, but you can control yourself. Most of us never know completely what goes on when a child turns in the wrong direction. It does you no good to guess and ruminate and it is harmful to you and both of your sons if you get sick trying to figure it out. Do you see a therapist? Many of us find that immensely helpful! [/QUOTE]
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