Pour some drama on me.....Fire me up....

[Mattsmom277]

Star, in many ways our lives our paralell as we've learned. Hopefully in this area as well. I to this day have NO clue how Matt survived living with/tolerating his bio-dad for that period of time where he lost any semblance of common sense and moved in with him. Urgh! But he left and the contact they have now is when he keeps tabs to find out if he's working so that he can try to get him to cough up some support (I have never and wont' ever pursue support, so Matt's new thing is pressuring biodad to cough it up, since if a payment ever arrives, its all Matt's, I don't want a dime of it). I wish he'd let go of it, but I think my boy just needs to feel he's hit back somehow at dad and only way is via cold hard cash. I bet that need will fade over time. I still remember my elation when he had that light bulb moment and walked away from biodad and the desire/dream to suddenly have a father he always craved. He truly sees now that it isn't ever going to happen, and I don't know he would have learned that lesson without the awful time he spent living there learning the grass isn't greener, Know what I mean??
I'm incredibly sorry to hear physical stuff is going on. I want to reach through space/time and do something I can't type here, to a scum bucket that would do such a thing. Instead I'll send mega juju to your Dude, that he leave, that he emotionally move past this man, and that he is safe and finds his right path.

 

[busywend]

OMG! I was afraid daughter meant dang daddy! I do not know how THAT happened, but wishing Dude would use his brain for once!

 

[Star*]

Matts mom & Susie*

The thought did occur to me very plainly that Dude is bored with where he is and it's time for a change. Change would involve making Mom feel sorry for him and then coming home defeated, promising a bevy of I will's...and me fall for it. However; I have not seen or heard anything since he left that would indicate to me that anything has changed about himself except he's getting a first hand, front row seat to what my life was like and why I chose to take my beloved son and leave. The drugs - in 16 years have only gotten worse. The booze, the woman beating - the explosive temper without remorse at all - still happening.

The only good thing that may come out of this yet is that he gets "whatever it is, the rage, the anger" out of his system once and for all and if he were to come to see me - I'd see a completely different and calm person. I think the fist fight had been coming for a long time. A long time. I too was glad to 'hear' (but never see) that daughter was giving his son cash. I told you gals before I think that's what started all of this business - the friend that got back child support and went and got himself a monster truck - it was Dudes dream - and someone else was having it - and he HAD to get it at any cost.....certainly after 14 years that man had to have SOMETHING saved up for him? Right? So I could say - NO don't go until I'm blue in the face - but never did. I worried, I have anxiety over it - but I know I can't control anything that goes on there - Dude is 19 - even if he does think like a 1 year old - I do know he hates drugs. So that much I don't think is fabricated. And to live there with those people? Ugh - you'd have to have been there to understand better - but chewing your right arm off to get away was a viable option 14 years ago - and it hasn't improved since.

I am sorry for him - I hate that he has to hurt. I hate that he thought daughter was going to be someone decent and good to him and then treated him like scum - but he is what he is - and the only way to not have people like that in your life is to leave. Now the phone has been disconnected - so I may not hear from him again and that's even more worrisome - but DF keeps asking me -"WHat are you going to do about it? Nothing."

Being the parent of a difficult child is bad - Being the parent of a difficult child that you have no idea of whearabouts? Really bad. We'll get through. Thanks for the support. And especially the special angels. I feel better - really really.

 

[Shari]

Continuing to send prayers, Starbie.

I wish I knew a way, like in Candy Land, that you can take a little path thru the woods and shortcut right on up to the ice cream cone, so that we could shurtcut the path for the difficult child's to "getting it" without getting stuck in gum drop swamp, or whatever that bog is called, and such. <sigh> But I don't.

I do know that you are an amazing person, and despite the obvious, I do find hope in that Dude continues to contact you, and it appears he's remaining clean. Trivial? Maybe. But I guess they give me hope that there's a part of him that really knows what he must do...and maybe in time the rest of him will follow suit.

 

[Doddlin]

Oh My. Star and MattsMom.... you have an Ex like me. Horrible. My 16 year old (will be 17 next month) just moved to the idiots house last week. Guess he figures the grass is greener over there too. Sad. I think that over the years of watching his Dad abuse and disrespect women has rubbed off on difficult child#2. I figure this is why he is becoming so disrespectful of the main 'woman' in his life, me.

I tried so hard to change the family tree with my boys. (difficult child#1 and difficult child#2). Very involved of course... probably too much so. They were A/B students until late HS with difficult child#2. Both are Eagle Scouts, etc. Dang. What happened? I figure it's like I said. They have a terrible role model as a father (ad nauseum) who taught them that women are your problem, the answer is to force your way with taunts, intimidation, disrespect, manipulation, etc. When that doesn't work... create a blow-out and leave to see if they chase you and beg you back. Not this time. He is on his own to figure out what Ex is really all about. It's not Mommies job to make up for and fix.

Hugs to you Star. This is all for a purpose I am sure of it!