Power struggles

[JayPee]

I am between a rock and a hard place. If my son's illness has taken a turn for the worst, what can I do? Permit him to die a slow painful death in the street, instead of supporting him to stabilize and to take care of himself? And then, if he's still okay, G-d willing, do I help him stabilize so he can take the medicine that could save his life, or do I kick him out again?

Copa,
You are a good mother. Your circumstances are a bit different than mine. I perhaps, even at the cost of my sanity, protection and well-being would likely be doing the same thing as you if there was an impending illness with one of my sons.

Sending my love and prayerful thoughts for your son's well-being.

 

[WiseChoices]

If she cut when you left, she cuts at other times too. Kay used to blame us for her cutting until we saw her with her socks off and were shocked to see cut scars all over her soles. She then admitted she cuts often, usually where nobody can see. She only cut on her wrists when she wanted to make us feel as if it were because of our wrongs to her. If not, she cut where the cuts did not show.

Normal people with no mental illnesses do not cut ever even if SOME sick people BRAG about the cutting. Nobody makes anyone cut and only disturbed people do it.

We can't force our kids to treat their mental health issues. Cutting is not our faults, but many disturbed kids do use cutting for drama and to make us feel guilty rather than acknowledging that they cut a lot and often and that it is not because of us.

Blessings to all of us who need it!

Busy, thank you for that eye opener . You may be right in that she is only open about it when she wants to manipulate, but always cuts. She started at 12 with sticking pin needles under her nails .I never knew about it but would see pin needles in bathroom at times. I thought they were for pimple popping. Silly me.

I will let go of the thought that cutting has anything to do with me. I think it feels better. I no longer comment on her cutting at all.

 

[Blindsided]

No, I don't think it's my fault for leaving. I just think there is a connection between my absence and her inability to cope. Each time she has pulled far away from me into scary territory. She is clearly having abandonment issues .

Got it, but do you have the power to change her reaction? Wise, you know the answer to that. You have given me good advise and things to ponder. I guess the next question is what is within us that we can't stop trying to figure out why. They answer is within us as much as it is for our Difficult Child, and like our Difficult Child, we are the only one that can work on that.

The video you shared is powerful in helping us with this. Though I know I fall into that partially disconnected from my daughter, there is still great info for ME. Baby steps for everyone involved.

Blessings to you.

 

[Beta]

Copa, I was just reading through posts again and wondered what happened with your son? Did he, in fact, leave?
My heart goes out to you.

 

[Copabanana]

Copa, I was just reading through posts again and wondered what happened with your son? Did he, in fact, leave?
My heart goes out to you.

Hi Beta. Thank you for caring about us.

Yes. He did leave. I didn't want him to leave, but there was no way he could stay. There was a problem at the job. He didn't have money. He was squatting in the yard. Just everything kind of ran out of steam.

He fantasized that it would be a perfectly good alternative and fun, to live on the street again in the big Metro. He anticipated he would have all kinds of support from his (formerly) best friend. (And I think he wanted me to give back the money he'd paid me for rent which I did.)

It didn't work out as he had hoped. The good thing is we've been in regular communication.

He called today and says he wants to come back. He says he has been attacked several times. *While I don't doubt there is danger, I think this is an exaggeration. He promised to no longer sleep/squat in the yard (one of the issues.) I told him I wanted him to come back, but that he had to be the one to address the issues we keep having. Not just to say, I'll be perfect from now on....But to come up with actual ways he will change, with plans and support, that are realistic.

He is scheduled for the liver biopsy on Thursday. He says he has been able to take bird baths and his clothes are clean, but I don't see how. He also says he has transportation handled to the hospital, which is in a City about an hour from where he is. I want him so badly to go to that biopsy, but I know I have no control.

I have been so frightened. I wake up in the night or early in the morning, sad and anxious. He's literally sleeping in some urban forest in bushes.

The only good thing has been that I am so worried that he's sleeping outside (no tent, no sleeping bag, no coat), that I don't have energy to worry so much about the biopsy.

Beta. Thank you again for asking. It feels really good that you asked, and that I can tell you what's going on.

Did I tell you he's calling after the biopsy, to discuss his return? I'm a little bit anxious. Because it's like all the other five thousand times. Of course he wants to come back. But he wants to live in the way he wants to live. And I'm the one who has to accept his terms. He may promise changes, but they don't happen.

A friend suggested I rent a small apartment for him. I may do it. And just leave him alone. I don't know.

 

[Beta]

I can imagine the fear and anxiety you must feel right now. I'm praying for you and for him. Keep us posted on what's going on. I know, we know, how hard this is for you. We are all there with you, in a sense.

 

[RN0441]

Copa

I am so sorry that you are still dealing with this.

We lower our expectations again and again and they still cannot meet them. I know I spend so much time and energy trying to figure out what I can do to help my son get to where he needs to be. It is so exhausting. I am sure that is how you are too.

No one can understand how hard it is on mothers unless they have watched their child struggle.

Please let us know how the biopsy goes. We are all pulling for you and him!

 

[BusynMember1]

I like the apartment idea. A place where he can be warm and safe yet not right by you to break your heart. Of course your heart will break anyway but you will know he isn't in the bushes. I did this for many years.

Blessings!

 

[MissLulu]

Just wanted to say I hope the biopsy goes well for him, Copa. My thoughts are with you both.

 

[WiseChoices]

My thoughts are with your son and you during this scary and challenging time . Much love!