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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 753503" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Thank you, Copa. I am doing it to myself this tossing and turning, overanalyzing, trying to figure out why and what's going on .I think I feel if I had the "truth" I could accept it better. </p><p>You are absolutely right. The diagnosis does not matter. What has happenes has happened. I know I did not do anything harmful by going on my trips. I am not so much second guessing that decision than trying to figure out how it goes along with daughter's reactions. She is not telling me how she really feels. I think if I knew that her abandonment issues (if that's what it was ) were because she has xyz mental illness , I could understand how she did this 180 on me. </p><p></p><p>And , yes, ultimately , it does not matter. It is what it is and I cannot change it. I will continue to do what I need to do for myself which is to go on my trips, to find myself more and more, seek to be happy no matter what. </p><p></p><p>I think I want to make triple sure that I am being mentally healthy and not contributing to someone else's suffering. Am punishing her for not being interested in me (or my interpretation of that) by solely focusing on me and not asking any questions anymore or am I responding appropriately to preserve my self respect? I already know the answer. I know my daughter is mentally ill. I know my enmeshment with her when she was younger contributed to some of her difficulties . I know I need to pull back in order to survive this. I know I am doing the right thing . It just hurts so much and I think I am attempting to distract myself from the pain by wanting to understand how and why.</p><p></p><p>Before my trip when we attempted to talk, daughter was upset with me and said that I bring so much compassion to my sponsees but not to her. And I said compassion is encouragement and understanding. And that I do try to encourage her and get rebuffed. And that I can only understand her if she tells me how she feels. That my sponsees want my suggestions and happily take them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 753503, member: 24254"] Thank you, Copa. I am doing it to myself this tossing and turning, overanalyzing, trying to figure out why and what's going on .I think I feel if I had the "truth" I could accept it better. You are absolutely right. The diagnosis does not matter. What has happenes has happened. I know I did not do anything harmful by going on my trips. I am not so much second guessing that decision than trying to figure out how it goes along with daughter's reactions. She is not telling me how she really feels. I think if I knew that her abandonment issues (if that's what it was ) were because she has xyz mental illness , I could understand how she did this 180 on me. And , yes, ultimately , it does not matter. It is what it is and I cannot change it. I will continue to do what I need to do for myself which is to go on my trips, to find myself more and more, seek to be happy no matter what. I think I want to make triple sure that I am being mentally healthy and not contributing to someone else's suffering. Am punishing her for not being interested in me (or my interpretation of that) by solely focusing on me and not asking any questions anymore or am I responding appropriately to preserve my self respect? I already know the answer. I know my daughter is mentally ill. I know my enmeshment with her when she was younger contributed to some of her difficulties . I know I need to pull back in order to survive this. I know I am doing the right thing . It just hurts so much and I think I am attempting to distract myself from the pain by wanting to understand how and why. Before my trip when we attempted to talk, daughter was upset with me and said that I bring so much compassion to my sponsees but not to her. And I said compassion is encouragement and understanding. And that I do try to encourage her and get rebuffed. And that I can only understand her if she tells me how she feels. That my sponsees want my suggestions and happily take them. [/QUOTE]
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