powerless

lost 17

New Member
Today , I came home from work my 17 yo son has a girl over. The door was closed ... Asked if there was a girl in there ... he said yes.... I asked that he opened the door .... he did then said no i can do what I want then closed the door .... I said dod you really want to do this in front of the girl ... this is my first time meeting her .... right now door is barely cracked ...I remained common calm ... I can not take him anymore .... he make me feel so small
 

WiseChoices

Well-Known Member
Open his door, politely ask the girl to leave . Stay calm. Just stand by the door until she leaves. Then calmly tell your son that he is to follow house rules and that the door must remain open when he has a visitor (of that is your house rules) and that his visitor will be asked to leave every time he violates the rule. It is your house. You make the rules.

Nobody can make you feel anything including small. It sounds like you are afraid of your son. We give our power away when we feel like we need to please others . I understand .I do this myself .Be very kind to yourself.
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
We had a no friends of the opposite sex in the bedroom rule.

Mainly because both bedrooms were upstairs and not easily monitored.

They complained. We stuck with it. It may not have stopped some of their actions, but at least they did not do those things in our home.

Ksm
 

Albatross

Well-Known Member
he said yes.... I asked that he opened the door .... he did then said no i can do what I want then closed the door .... I said dod you really want to do this in front of the girl ... this is my first time meeting her .... right now door is barely cracked ...I remained common calm ... I can not take him anymore .... he make me feel so small
Lost, *I* think you have no need to feel small. He told you he can do what he wants, you called him on it, and he opened the door. Granted, it was just enough to technically qualify as "open" and he was trying to save face, but you set a limit and enforced it and kept a cool face about it. I say KEEP IT UP!
 

JayPee

Sending good vibes...
Lost,

When younger son was home and had girls over and at first I was "worried" about what they'd think about me when I tried to set down rules with my son who disrespected us at every turn. At one point there was a naked girl during the middle of the night trapesing from his bedroom to the bathroom! I realized I need not worry whether or not these girls will have hurt feelings as they had no respect for my home either. Often times they engaged in smoking pot with son in his room and at one point had my ex husband not gone into check on them for fear of invading his privacy they would have died. You see they had been smoking pot in the bedroom (unbenounced to me & carelessly) and smoldering embers started a fire on some of his cloths on the floor. When my ex opened up the door, the room was encompassed with smoke. The smoke alarms outside of his room weren't going off yet because it was still contained in his room with the door shut. (Unknown by us he had removed the smoke alarm from his room so he could smoke in there). Eventually the smoke would have escaped under the door, however, that may have been too late and died from smoke inhalation. They both had no clue what was happened because they were stoned and sleeping. That was a scary night for sure.

I say as soon as you can set and keep boundaries, do it. It is hard when they are rude and you fear because of their tempermant and lack of concern for your dignity and respect. It WILL NOT just get better. I promise you. You will have to strum up courage to stand against him and his ways. He will continue to PUSH and PUSH at those boundaries until he's walking all over you if you don't get a handle on it now.
 

Beta

Well-Known Member
Open his door, politely ask the girl to leave . Stay calm. Just stand by the door until she leaves. Then calmly tell your son that he is to follow house rules and that the door must remain open when he has a visitor (of that is your house rules) and that his visitor will be asked to leave every time he violates the rule. It is your house. You make the rules.
This is spot-on! It is your house and you have every right to determine who comes into the home and the expectations they must meet while there. Until he's paying the mortgage, he has no right to act in a rude and disrespectful way (and actually he never has the right to treat his mother that way regardless).
 

Blindsided

Face the Sun
Lost,

When younger son was home and had girls over and at first I was "worried" about what they'd think about me when I tried to set down rules with my son who disrespected us at every turn. At one point there was a naked girl during the middle of the night trapesing from his bedroom to the bathroom! I realized I need not worry whether or not these girls will have hurt feelings as they had no respect for my home either. Often times they engaged in smoking pot with son in his room and at one point had my ex husband not gone into check on them for fear of invading his privacy they would have died. You see they had been smoking pot in the bedroom (unbenounced to me & carelessly) and smoldering embers started a fire on some of his cloths on the floor. When my ex opened up the door, the room was encompassed with smoke. The smoke alarms outside of his room weren't going off yet because it was still contained in his room with the door shut. (Unknown by us he had removed the smoke alarm from his room so he could smoke in there). Eventually the smoke would have escaped under the door, however, that may have been too late and died from smoke inhalation. They both had no clue what was happened because they were stoned and sleeping. That was a scary night for sure.

I say as soon as you can set and keep boundaries, do it. It is hard when they are rude and you fear because of their tempermant and lack of concern for your dignity and respect. It WILL NOT just get better. I promise you. You will have to strum up courage to stand against him and his ways. He will continue to PUSH and PUSH at those boundaries until he's walking all over you if you don't get a handle on it now.
Oh my. Great advice that I didnt see coming.
 
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