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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 634026" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Wendy, you might want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Another good resource is the book, Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Going to a 12 step group for YOU would be helpful too, CoDa, or Al Anon, or Narc Anon. You need support, guidance, empathy, compassion, understanding and the tools to change this situation for yourself. It takes a lot to change something we've been doing for a long time.</p><p></p><p>If you are going to evict your son, check on the laws in your state, where I live in CA. you have to have a court order. Then you can have him escorted out by the Sheriff. If you don't need a court order, then you can call the Sheriff's office to have him escorted off of your property.</p><p></p><p>A plan, as COM mentioned is a good idea. Setting a date for him to leave is the first boundary and then sticking to it. Get as much support as you can to help you set the date and then stick to it and then be with you when your son has to leave.</p><p></p><p>Yes, he is going to react, likely badly. When we end the gravy train, our kids generally react quite poorly, be prepared for that. This is where the support will come in handy. He will manipulate, be angry, possibly threaten you, pull at every heart string, he more then anyone will know exactly which ones to pull on, he will try to make you feel sorry for him...............the bottom line is he is likely to do whatever he believes it will take for you to resume the program. After all, this works out quite well for HIM. YOU are the one it doesn't work for. But what you forgot is that YOU have all the power. It is YOUR home. YOUR money. YOUR food. Take your power back. You will feel so much better once you do.</p><p></p><p>Your son is an adult male who is a drug addict. He is responsible for his choices in life, NOT YOU. YOU didn't do anything wrong, YOU didn't create this situation, YOU can't control it or change it either. That is up to him. If he doesn't, then it's on him not you. </p><p></p><p>Prayers and good wishes go out to you Wendy. Stay close to the board. Get yourself support. Let us know how you're doing.......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 634026, member: 13542"] Wendy, you might want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Another good resource is the book, Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Going to a 12 step group for YOU would be helpful too, CoDa, or Al Anon, or Narc Anon. You need support, guidance, empathy, compassion, understanding and the tools to change this situation for yourself. It takes a lot to change something we've been doing for a long time. If you are going to evict your son, check on the laws in your state, where I live in CA. you have to have a court order. Then you can have him escorted out by the Sheriff. If you don't need a court order, then you can call the Sheriff's office to have him escorted off of your property. A plan, as COM mentioned is a good idea. Setting a date for him to leave is the first boundary and then sticking to it. Get as much support as you can to help you set the date and then stick to it and then be with you when your son has to leave. Yes, he is going to react, likely badly. When we end the gravy train, our kids generally react quite poorly, be prepared for that. This is where the support will come in handy. He will manipulate, be angry, possibly threaten you, pull at every heart string, he more then anyone will know exactly which ones to pull on, he will try to make you feel sorry for him...............the bottom line is he is likely to do whatever he believes it will take for you to resume the program. After all, this works out quite well for HIM. YOU are the one it doesn't work for. But what you forgot is that YOU have all the power. It is YOUR home. YOUR money. YOUR food. Take your power back. You will feel so much better once you do. Your son is an adult male who is a drug addict. He is responsible for his choices in life, NOT YOU. YOU didn't do anything wrong, YOU didn't create this situation, YOU can't control it or change it either. That is up to him. If he doesn't, then it's on him not you. Prayers and good wishes go out to you Wendy. Stay close to the board. Get yourself support. Let us know how you're doing....... [/QUOTE]
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