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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 634028" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I think most of us go through the yanking back and to, or the one step forward and two steps back, after all they are our loved ones.</p><p></p><p>When I look back at my difficult child's teen and twenties I don't know how I managed to get through it. I know it affected my health quite a bit.</p><p></p><p>For me, accepting my difficult child as he is (that does not mean I will ever let him live in my home, give him money, or agree with his life style choices) was a milestone. After he relapsed and the conns started all over and I fell for them ONE MORE TIME I finally realized this is the way it will be until I stop it. This time I felt it to the tips of my toes and I slipped into a depression.</p><p></p><p>My son says he has a job, but I'm pretty sure he and girlie are homeless and panhandling. I get one line emails from him every now and then. Girlie's family doesn't have much to do with her either.</p><p></p><p>It is extremely hard to set boundaries and enforce them. We want to help them, we love them, the problem is that what we are doing isn't helping, it is only prolonging the enabling.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child threatened suicide so many times and I was told to prepare myself that one day he may actually do it. How can you prepare yourself for that???? He did find a way to support himself, and at that time I think he did have a job. It's hard to tell what is what 'cause my difficult child lies so much I think he starts to believe the lies.</p><p></p><p>There is a lot of sadness surrounding our relationship with our difficult children, just remember that things will stay exactly as they are until YOU change them.</p><p></p><p>As was recommended, counseling is a huge plus!</p><p>(((hugs and peace)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 634028, member: 13558"] I think most of us go through the yanking back and to, or the one step forward and two steps back, after all they are our loved ones. When I look back at my difficult child's teen and twenties I don't know how I managed to get through it. I know it affected my health quite a bit. For me, accepting my difficult child as he is (that does not mean I will ever let him live in my home, give him money, or agree with his life style choices) was a milestone. After he relapsed and the conns started all over and I fell for them ONE MORE TIME I finally realized this is the way it will be until I stop it. This time I felt it to the tips of my toes and I slipped into a depression. My son says he has a job, but I'm pretty sure he and girlie are homeless and panhandling. I get one line emails from him every now and then. Girlie's family doesn't have much to do with her either. It is extremely hard to set boundaries and enforce them. We want to help them, we love them, the problem is that what we are doing isn't helping, it is only prolonging the enabling. My difficult child threatened suicide so many times and I was told to prepare myself that one day he may actually do it. How can you prepare yourself for that???? He did find a way to support himself, and at that time I think he did have a job. It's hard to tell what is what 'cause my difficult child lies so much I think he starts to believe the lies. There is a lot of sadness surrounding our relationship with our difficult children, just remember that things will stay exactly as they are until YOU change them. As was recommended, counseling is a huge plus! (((hugs and peace))) [/QUOTE]
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