Prayers needed

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by tryingtobestrong, May 6, 2018.

  1. My adult son is going through a very hard time. His girlfriend left a few weeks ago and he is in a different state all alone. Never tried making friends before because he had her there. Is not physically fit or has any outside interests except his playstation.
    He abused alcohol and marijuana. Has a full time job but broke down tonight and said everything is falling apart. Losing her was just the first thing to fall. We offered him rehab and he refused. I found a therapist for him to talk to, he refused.
    I don't know what else to do for him. I fear he will take his life soon.
    I am not sure if he is drinking yet or not. I know I brought that up last week and he got mad at me for asking. Here we are again on a Sunday night going into Monday and he is having anxiety again.
    Tonight I suggested going to rehab again and taking a break from the world for a few weeks and see how he could get his life back but nope. Won't even listen.
    So please pray for my son. I suggested going to church to meet people and was told no.
    I guess I just let him be and what happens happens.
  2. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    So sorry for your troubles. That your son is still talking is a good sign. There are crisis centers in my area that will go to him and do an evaluation and determine if he needs to be hospitalized. If you look up crisis centers in his area it should give you someone to call. If not police will do wellness check with same result.will also pray for both of you.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I know how hard it is. I will certainly say prayers for your son..... and for you too.
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    It is so very hard for us to accept that we can do nothing but give them to God, if one believes as you do.

    Many, many young people rebuff all of our advice. There was a time when my son was in such despair that I felt he would maybe kill himself if he lost custody of his son to his ex. Neither happened but the experience taught me that I can do nothing for an adult child, not even keep him alive. It is hard to believe this yet we can not. My son's child is his entire life. They are very close, and my son lives for him, but his boy is only ten years old and in my Mother mind I feel he needs male friends to talk to. His's great they have such a close bond, but doesn't he want same age peers for the half time his son is with his mother? I suggested church and meet ups with no luck.

    Son works at a big company in Sales for butEIGHTyears now, has no real friends there and won't take my suggestions on ways to make friends. I have accepted that this is not important to him...having friends. So I am his main "friend" and for years he went through a terrible custody battles with his ex who wanted to rip 50/50 custody from him...luckily, three years later we finally know it will not happen. But it was a hellish three years for us both and my son was never easy natured nor does he help himself. He called ME every day to talk about it. Me instead of a male peer. It was hard on me and not good for him in my opinion. So I asked God to please help him since I can not.

    I hope you can get to that place where you can give your son to God, knowing you can't help him. The part about not being able to help is very hard. But they often seem to say "no" to all of our suggestions and I have decided they just don't want what we want. I suggested therapy for my son and while he admits it would help him, he has fifty shades of gray reasons why he can't go, including that where he lives NO therapists see patients after 5pm and he works until then. I find this hard to believe, but I can't make him look harder and go.

    I send you all my prayers and empathy and I understand.
    Last edited: May 6, 2018
  5. EarthIsHard

    EarthIsHard Member

    Sending prayers to both of you.
  6. I am trying to leave this with God but my son wants no parts of God so I fear he won't help him. I am so scared for him.
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I know this is hard, but God is bigger than your fear or your sons disbelief. Even Mother Teresa had her doubts and questioned her beliefs.

    I know this is just my personal belief, not preaching. But remember the story of the Prodigal Son, welcomed home with open arms. The reason Jesus told this parable is that it was completely against the social norms at this time. A father in that culture would not have welcomed his son home, as he had already received his inheritance and wasted it. Taking the inheritance is like the father was dead to him. To me, Gods love, mirrors a mothers love. Always hoping, waiting with open arms.

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  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Prayers going up for you and your son. Things do not always happen as we would like them to. That is an understatement. May you both find your way to your true potential.
  9. strangeworld

    strangeworld Member

    I'm so sorry this is happening. Prayers sent.
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Prayers for you both.

    Yes, so true. Our prayers are not always answered the way we think they should be or in the time we think they should be.

    I keep praying anyway.
  11. Just wanted to update. After speaking to him the other night I actually found a place that men and women his age go to and socialize and do different activities. All they require is that the person doesn't use for 2 days prior to coming. They sounded amazing and the staff I spoke to was so welcoming. I called my boy and told him about it. He seemed miserable on the phone which irritated me to know end. He said to email him the info so I agreed and said bye and hung up. Just tired of his attitude. I purposely waited about 3 hours before sending the info and he never asked where it was so I am assuming my efforts were again a waste of time. I haven't heard from my son since that conversation. It has been 2 and 1/2 days. Since his cell phone is still on my plan I checked his phone activity (yes, I should let that go but I look) and yesterday there was very very little. Have a feeling he didn't go to work yesterday and just not sure what is up because there wasn't any activity at all after a certain time.
    I am holding out and not making contact. I know on Sunday when he called crying he was not happy with me at all and hung up on me. Monday when I spoke to him he was miserable. I asked about work and he snapped. Tuesday/Wednesday didn't hear anything.
    I know what happens will happens and it is Gods will.
    My daughter graduates this Sat. from college- what a bright time in her life and should be in mine. I hope I can be "there" totally for her special day. I am beyond nervous and scared of what may be with my son. Please continue to pray for him and for all of those parents and children that are struggling.
  12. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    You and your son have been in my prayers too, Trying.

    I know how hard it is not to check on them or analyze their action or non-action in hopes of second-guessing. I did it many times myself. Gently I suggest to you that you both would be better off if you stopped. It violates his privacy and it drives you nuts. You can't put together this puzzle with a few random pieces.

    It was nice of you to make efforts to get him out and about, and maybe when he's ready he might go. I think you drive yourself crazy when you expect him to follow up on your email immediately. Right now he is probably licking his wounds from the breakup. He is probably not up for anything much more than that, especially when the undercurrent of the suggestion was to quit drinking before he could go. I would imagine that got his back up. Maybe he might be more amenable to our secret "mom" tools of getting them excited about something without their realizing we are doing it?

    Congratulations to your daughter. What a wonderful achievement for her! Yes, put your focus on her celebration right now; this is HER time!

    Then put the focus back on you. What are you doing for yourself? Focus on that, on how you can find peace even when he is struggling.

    Find ways to distract yourself from his situation, like a good book or a walk in the woods or some "retail therapy" or whatever you enjoy. Make a date night with your husband, no talk about son allowed.

    Meditate for 15 minutes and return to the breath every time son crosses your mind. All 10 million of them.

    Give your son to God as many times a day as you need to. Have faith in His timing.

    Are you going to Al-Anon or counseling? I think it's very important for you as well, to be around others in your situation and to see how others are stepping off the hamster wheel.

    I do know how very, very hard it is not to fixate on fixing. You can't fix this, Trying. If it could be fixed, none of us would be here. The only thing you can fix is how you respond.
  13. EarthIsHard

    EarthIsHard Member

    Prayers needed, It is so hard to keep out of his business as in not checking his phone, etc. I've been there. Trying to keep him safe is an endless job and when I tracked his phone, called his friends when he was gone for days, just wishing he would just do what I wanted him to do and he's get out of this mess, I truly believe that it hurt him not grow up and I did it so long that his recovery probably will be so much longer for him. He was living at home so it was in my face though privacy is important for them to realize who they are and who they want to be. Be strong. Be there for your daughter at the moment.