Pre Christmas Meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Dec 20, 2013.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    The last few weeks have been going really well, for the most part, so I was hopeful that we might get through the Christmas season without the usual troubles.


    I guess being the last day of school before the start of the holiday vacation doesn't help. He keeps dogging me. "Did you get me what I asked for for Christmas?" He asked for a lap top. He has to do a lot of school on the computer, so it seemed like a reasonable request, but he was warned that if he got that there would be getting NOTHING else under the tree with his name on it. He said he understood, and he's been very good about that in the past. I left it in husband's hands (I'm not the best when it comes to tech stuff), so he picked one out and spend FAR more than I wanted to spend.

    He keeps asking me if he's getting it. Now, it's going to be the only thing under the tree and I don't want to spoil it. Oh, the meltdown this afternoon. First, because I was on the phone with the bank and I refused to go into ad nauseum detail regarding the details of the call. Then he wanted to play in my room and I said no because he was just screaming at me. I told him to walk away from me and maybe later I would let them play in there. That was to good enough. easy child went into his room and locked the door because by now difficult child was in full blow meltdown mode and wanted nothing to do with it.

    Then difficult child starts pounding on easy child door, demanding that easy child come out, be a big boy, and get in the middle of his meltdown and break up he argument. The poor kid is 9 years old, for God's sake!!! I told difficult child to leave easy child alone and that it's not his job. difficult child starts screaming that from now on, it is his job. By now, poor easy child is just screaming at difficult child to leave him alone. He won't let me in his room to talk to him and try to calm him down, and difficult child is screaming at me that now I know how it feels when easy child locks him out, that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and I deserve to die.

    He finally, eventually, calmed down. Then the manipulation a begins. He tells me that he's sorry. I tell him that I accept his apology. He wants to hug me. I tell him no, because while I accepted his apology, I am still very angry at him and don't want to hug him or even talk to him right now. He walks away, but comes back 15 minutes. Can we talk now? No. Leave me alone. He walks away and comes back 10 minutes later. "You know, I was crying up in my room and you didn't come to check on me." I didn't know he was crying and even if I had I probably would not have gone to check on him. I tell him I'm still mad. "I SAID I was sorry!" I explained that even though he apologized, and I accepted the apology, this nonsense keeps happening, and it takes me longer and longer to not be angry at him anymore.

    Then he said, "So there might a time when you won't forgive me?"

    Ummmm...may happen, dearie
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending some understanding hugs your way. He sounds a lot like my difficult child when it comes to the time he is sorry and I'm still too raw to have a conversation with him.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I remember those days all too well. I used to tell Miss KT that sorry wasn't like an eraser, it didn't solve everything and make it better. There's something going around FB about breaking a plate, saying sorry to it, and realizing it did nothing for the shattered plate. That's how I used to feel after a screaming fest, and of course, the guilt and the "nothing I do is right" things always kicked in for me. It got harder and harder to forgive her the older she got. Hugs. It's a hard road, and I feel for your easy child caught in the middle.
  4. Huff

    Huff Member

    It is amazing how your post is like an instant replay of my home for years. I am divorcing and detaching from ex and difficult child I can only say and it is not a lot of comfort but I or we are in the same shoes. Gig is 26 now and acts the same. Stay strong and god bless
  5. jugey

    jugey Active Member

    Story of my life! We tell difficult child that she needs to allow us a little time to "refill our buckets" before we kiss and make up. She seems to get it. Will the drama ever end?!
  6. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I probably would have just said, yes you are getting a laptop and nothing else as you wanted and agreed to. If you ask me again, you will have to wait till Boxing Day to get it. To me, keeping the surprise isn't worth the meltdown, especially since he already has an idea what it is. In 9th grade, he doesn't believe in Santa anymore. As my kids got older, we just give them the stuff as we get it. Babyboy wanted to buy an electronic system from a classmate. I gave him the money and said Happy Hanukah. He's also in 9th grade.

    I think the bigger issue is him trying to force you to put your younger son in the middle. Is easy child in counseling? You do a great job of shielding him but maybe someone for him to talk to would help. He's very intuitive, it seems, so he might hold back from you because he doesn't want you upset any further. I know that whenever my parents asked if I was ok, I said I was fine. The only time I ever told them was after my sister came at me with a knife one evening when we were home alone together. I beat her off with a plunger and locked myself in my room.

    Good luck.
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    Natural consequences work best for difficult child 1 with this kind of stuff. He can't treat us right he doesn't get to be with us, and it gives us a break. I've had to have him removed from our home for a night or two to make that abundantly clear. Don't know if that will work for yours. Stay strong.