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Parent Emeritus
Pregnant 30 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 724114" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Your daughter is manipulating and abusing you and your husband with her dramas, choices and lifestyle. It is highly unlikely that she is going to change. You are enabling her, there is absolutely no incentive for her to change. So, you will have to respond differently, you will have to change.</p><p></p><p>For your own health and well being, it certainly sounds like you have to make a different choice or you will be raising a grandson and taking care of both of them for the next couple of decades. Unless that is what you are reconciled to, then you need to learn boundaries, to say no, to stop this abuse.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. In addition, you may want to read the book, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. You might also call NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have excellent parent courses which may help you with information, resources, guidance and support.</p><p></p><p>Try googling shelters for families or shelters for women in your town.</p><p></p><p>Do not allow your daughter to drag you around with her poor choices and entitled manipulations. She only has the power you allow her to have, by believing YOU have no choice, you allow her to do whatever she wants. You are not responsible for her choices nor are you responsible for the child. You can't fix this, you didn't cause it and you can't control it. </p><p></p><p>You already know how this is going to go, don't allow that to happen. You DO have a choice. Your daughters life is her own, she must learn to suffer the consequences of her behavior. She can have many more children, do you want to raise all of them? </p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself and your husband. You matter. You deserve to have a life of peace and joy. You've worked for this time. Protect yourselves. Protect what is yours. Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself a strong support system to make the necessary changes so that your life and your well being are the priority. Take your life back.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 724114, member: 13542"] Your daughter is manipulating and abusing you and your husband with her dramas, choices and lifestyle. It is highly unlikely that she is going to change. You are enabling her, there is absolutely no incentive for her to change. So, you will have to respond differently, you will have to change. For your own health and well being, it certainly sounds like you have to make a different choice or you will be raising a grandson and taking care of both of them for the next couple of decades. Unless that is what you are reconciled to, then you need to learn boundaries, to say no, to stop this abuse. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. In addition, you may want to read the book, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. You might also call NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have excellent parent courses which may help you with information, resources, guidance and support. Try googling shelters for families or shelters for women in your town. Do not allow your daughter to drag you around with her poor choices and entitled manipulations. She only has the power you allow her to have, by believing YOU have no choice, you allow her to do whatever she wants. You are not responsible for her choices nor are you responsible for the child. You can't fix this, you didn't cause it and you can't control it. You already know how this is going to go, don't allow that to happen. You DO have a choice. Your daughters life is her own, she must learn to suffer the consequences of her behavior. She can have many more children, do you want to raise all of them? Take care of yourself and your husband. You matter. You deserve to have a life of peace and joy. You've worked for this time. Protect yourselves. Protect what is yours. Keep posting, it helps. Get yourself a strong support system to make the necessary changes so that your life and your well being are the priority. Take your life back. [/QUOTE]
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