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Pregnant 30 year old
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 724130" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome SpunOut! I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad you found us here.</p><p></p><p>From what you have shared I have gleaned that your daughter is a manipulative bully. You are not alone in dealing with an adult child with these characteristics. Your daughter sounds much like my son. I too have been bullied by him, felt threatened by him. He's also stolen from me numerous times and caused serious damage to my home. I get what you are dealing with.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist and I agree with the advice they have given you to find a shelter that she can go to. I think your suspicions about her expecting you to take care of the baby are probably true. </p><p></p><p>I'm glad that you did not leave this time, that you recognize that you cannot allow her to push you out of your home, your new home that you and your husband bought to have a fresh start. As you said she is starting to bully you again by pushing you out of your own kitchen. This behaviour will not stop until you make it stop. </p><p></p><p>The best thing you can do is arm yourself with information. Find out all you can about organizations that can offer her help. Find out which ones can take her in. You have already set a timeline, that you want her out before the baby comes. You need to stick to this but also be more specific with a date. Give her the names of organizations that can help her and tell her which ones can take her. The better informed you are the less chance she will be able to say "they won't help me"</p><p></p><p>Something else you need to consider, if she causes damage to your home or God forbid, she pulls a knife on you again, you need to call the police. There needs to be a record of this. You cannot allow her to get away with bullying you anymore. </p><p>I will caution you that once you start to change how you respond to her she will most likely ramp it up. Be prepared for her to fly off the handle and be even more abusive, physically and verbally. Again, call the police if needed. </p><p>This is the hardest part of changing things. Our difficult adult children have counted on being able to guilt us the parents into helping them. The problem is, we aren't helping them at this point we are enabling their bad behaviour. </p><p></p><p>If you are in the process of doing laundry and she tries to take over, or you are in the kitchen and she tries to take over be very firm and tell her NO. If she goes into a rage where she is screaming at you tell her she needs to calm down or you will call the police. Let her know that you will no longer be bullied by her. She needs to be held accountable for her choices and behaviour.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you do, do not feel guilty about getting her out of your home. Your home should be your sanctuary, a place you feel at peace and feel safe. </p><p>She is 30 years old and not your responsibility. </p><p></p><p>Please let us know how things are going. We are here for you and we care. </p><p></p><p>Stay strong, you can do this!!</p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 724130, member: 18516"] Welcome SpunOut! I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad you found us here. From what you have shared I have gleaned that your daughter is a manipulative bully. You are not alone in dealing with an adult child with these characteristics. Your daughter sounds much like my son. I too have been bullied by him, felt threatened by him. He's also stolen from me numerous times and caused serious damage to my home. I get what you are dealing with. I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist and I agree with the advice they have given you to find a shelter that she can go to. I think your suspicions about her expecting you to take care of the baby are probably true. I'm glad that you did not leave this time, that you recognize that you cannot allow her to push you out of your home, your new home that you and your husband bought to have a fresh start. As you said she is starting to bully you again by pushing you out of your own kitchen. This behaviour will not stop until you make it stop. The best thing you can do is arm yourself with information. Find out all you can about organizations that can offer her help. Find out which ones can take her in. You have already set a timeline, that you want her out before the baby comes. You need to stick to this but also be more specific with a date. Give her the names of organizations that can help her and tell her which ones can take her. The better informed you are the less chance she will be able to say "they won't help me" Something else you need to consider, if she causes damage to your home or God forbid, she pulls a knife on you again, you need to call the police. There needs to be a record of this. You cannot allow her to get away with bullying you anymore. I will caution you that once you start to change how you respond to her she will most likely ramp it up. Be prepared for her to fly off the handle and be even more abusive, physically and verbally. Again, call the police if needed. This is the hardest part of changing things. Our difficult adult children have counted on being able to guilt us the parents into helping them. The problem is, we aren't helping them at this point we are enabling their bad behaviour. If you are in the process of doing laundry and she tries to take over, or you are in the kitchen and she tries to take over be very firm and tell her NO. If she goes into a rage where she is screaming at you tell her she needs to calm down or you will call the police. Let her know that you will no longer be bullied by her. She needs to be held accountable for her choices and behaviour. Whatever you do, do not feel guilty about getting her out of your home. Your home should be your sanctuary, a place you feel at peace and feel safe. She is 30 years old and not your responsibility. Please let us know how things are going. We are here for you and we care. Stay strong, you can do this!! ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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