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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 717732" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>Done Dad, how I can relate. I am glad you have the support of the forum here. The experience and strength of the members is invaluable. I am on almost a parallel path in some ways. My 37 year old borderline daughter, whom I have written about here, has a six year old with her ex, who is a heroin addict and abuser, and she just had another baby with an alcoholic, abuser with 3 other children by two women. She has always wanted her children, briefly lost custody of the oldest, but insists on doing things her way, and then guilts us to rescue her. We have taken her in, bought her cars, paid for housing, court, etc. Her gratitude is always only momentary. The relationship with the latest abuser is over, she was evicted, and despite how hard it has been, we did not take her in. We offered to take her daughter until she sorts things out, but she said her daughter would rather be on the street than with us. It is heartbreaking, but I can't do it anymore. Enough. I actually left the country for a couple of weeks, so I would not cave, and my husband, her stepdad, has taken over communication with her for now because she bullies me. The thing is, like you, we want to help her and her children, but we know it will be the same story all over again. We are in our sixties, and the stress is too much. The money we spend on her should be going to our retirement. I go to NAMI, twelve step, therapy, read and post here, read, and have a good support network. No judgment. You have to do what you can live with, but for my husband and me, our realization is that we deserve to be treated respectfully and have the life we have worked for. Because of our choice, my daughter has cut contact, so I do not see my grandchildren. I pray for her, for her children, and for us. I am not her higher power. As much as my heart hurts, I can't control the situation. With acceptance of that comes grief and sadness, but also a certain relief in lettng go.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 717732, member: 19832"] Done Dad, how I can relate. I am glad you have the support of the forum here. The experience and strength of the members is invaluable. I am on almost a parallel path in some ways. My 37 year old borderline daughter, whom I have written about here, has a six year old with her ex, who is a heroin addict and abuser, and she just had another baby with an alcoholic, abuser with 3 other children by two women. She has always wanted her children, briefly lost custody of the oldest, but insists on doing things her way, and then guilts us to rescue her. We have taken her in, bought her cars, paid for housing, court, etc. Her gratitude is always only momentary. The relationship with the latest abuser is over, she was evicted, and despite how hard it has been, we did not take her in. We offered to take her daughter until she sorts things out, but she said her daughter would rather be on the street than with us. It is heartbreaking, but I can't do it anymore. Enough. I actually left the country for a couple of weeks, so I would not cave, and my husband, her stepdad, has taken over communication with her for now because she bullies me. The thing is, like you, we want to help her and her children, but we know it will be the same story all over again. We are in our sixties, and the stress is too much. The money we spend on her should be going to our retirement. I go to NAMI, twelve step, therapy, read and post here, read, and have a good support network. No judgment. You have to do what you can live with, but for my husband and me, our realization is that we deserve to be treated respectfully and have the life we have worked for. Because of our choice, my daughter has cut contact, so I do not see my grandchildren. I pray for her, for her children, and for us. I am not her higher power. As much as my heart hurts, I can't control the situation. With acceptance of that comes grief and sadness, but also a certain relief in lettng go. [/QUOTE]
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