Preschooler with Anger Issues

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by jassim35, Oct 26, 2010.

  1. jassim35

    jassim35 Guest

    Hello! I am a mother of three boys ages 9, 5 and 1. My eldest son has ADHD but is being treated through Neurofeedback. He has made amazing progress with this and has become somewhat of a model student and son. However, my 5 year old has unfortunately picked up on some of his negative behaviors, mainly sarcasm and anger that he is now exhibiting in his preschool. We are on a behavior contract at his preschool because he does several things that are against school policy such as swearing, backtalk to teachers, kicking others and refusal to take naps. Most of the time S is a sweet kid and loved by all but when he gets angry, watch out! I have tried positive teaching and modeling, reward systems work ocasionaly. The teachers at the school are unwilling to work with him and if he exhibits one of these behaviors that are listed above, he will be expelled from the preschool. If he is expelled I do not know what I will do, I am a teacher and will lose my job. I need suggestions as to what to do. Counseling? Behavior modification? If counseling, what works best for kids like S who are defiant and angry? Most therapists tell me that kids that are 5 do not have anger issues. I just need help, I am loosing my mind!
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi jassim, welcome to our forum.

    I'm of the opinion that if kids have grown up in a stable home environment with reasonably consistent parenting (I don't mean perfect), that if they're having problems functioning in typical environments, it's time to go looking for answers. Even kids with very spirited temperaments usually are responsive to authority when it comes to the big stuff by age 5.

    I have a book suggestion for you so you can maybe get some ideas about what's going on and what path to take: What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Dr. Douglas Riley.

    If the problem behaviors are primarily at preschool, you might try a different preschool and see if that helps. Since he's 5 and school next up, another route to go is to request an evaluation through your school district's special education department. Early intervention preschools can be very helpful for kids with behavioral issues. You would want to get going on that right away due to the time of year. Call, and then follow up with a written request.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. And yes, they most certainly can have anger issues at that age. The question is why it's present and how best to handle it, and that will vary with every child. I tried everything with mine, and no system worked longer than two weeks with her, no reward was great enough and no punishment stiff enough when she would lose it.
  4. ltaylor9597

    ltaylor9597 Guest

    Hi. Funny that I should find this thread today. My preschooler was just expelled from our extended day program (basically day care before and after his preschool program) for very similar issues. For the last month we have battled increasing behavior issues such as: running out of the school building, running away from the caregivers, hitting, kicking and biting the director, damaging items in their office etc...He had been officially suspended once, suspended but given an exception to come back once before and yesterday was apparently the last straw for him. What is discouraging is Monday we had taken him to the pediatrician to get the ball rolling on getting him evaluated and ruling out anything physical and also started with a behavior management therapist on Tuesday. I dropped him off (nervously) yesterday morning and talked with the director about these new things we would like to implement and the steps we were taking and she "appeared" to be on board with everything. Unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to change anything.

    What was interesting was talking to his actual preschool teacher who described him the same way we see him at home (which isn't anything as bad as he was doing in extended day). Now, we are going to try and get him someplace with a private sitter who can hopefully stay on top of him a bit more.

    Just wanted to post that you are not alone. I don't have any solutions yet, but, I can definitely empathize with the stress you are feeling right now. My mom suggested a couple of books I am going to get this weekend "Raising the Strong Willed Child" and "Setting limits with your strong willed child". Hang in there...
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Itaylor, welcome to Conduct Disorders.

    One caution about The Strong Willed Child approach: sometimes there are times when there are sincere reasons why a child is acting defiant--such as a child with sensory issues refusing foods or a to wear a certain garment. Forcing issues can make kids much worse in situations like this so that's why we recommend covering as much ground with assessments as you can to really get a grasp on the reasons behind the behaviors.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I have to go with SRL on this one. We triend repeatedly with the strong willed child approach - NADA! It just ended up confusing the issues, rather than understanding where he was coming from. Getting him evaluated was one of the most important moves that we could make - it allowed the chronic expulsions that were doing more damage (I can think of 4 pre "school" placements off-hand!) than good.