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Prison visit with difficult child 1 didn't go well
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<blockquote data-quote="tishthedish" data-source="post: 632096" data-attributes="member: 17103"><p>Wow. Your warm responses overwhelm me. Sharing your personal experiences is so helpful as bipolar is an animal I am struggling to understand. He is still on his medications and is this variable in mood. RE, I've read An Unquiet MInd. It's so good and I tried when to get difficult child 1 to read it when he was asymptomatic.</p><p>No go.</p><p></p><p></p><p>WDIGW, I did just what you suggest. I talked to a very compassionate social worker and she said they would check him, assess his medications and go over his options for aftercare/housing/placement with him. They will also not discuss my calling with him. It sounds like a lot is available as long as he is willing to accept it.</p><p></p><p>Because I never know how he interprets these things after this, husband and I wrote him this letter. I don't know if it was the right thing, but the visit ended so abruptly and we were so taken aback by the enormity of his demands we wanted him to know we were still there for him emotionally. Here it is:</p><p></p><p>Dear difficult child 1,</p><p>It went badly yesterday. That doesn't matter. You're still our son and we are willing to help. Use the resources from the jail. They offer them. Be open to them. Thresholds is an option. They are in Chicago and throughout the collar counties including McHenry county. They are a wonderful organization. They will set you up with housing, help you get a job and help set up your probation terms so you are able to get there. From there Dad and I will contribute. We will be fair. But we want to be treated with respect and any decisions and visits will involve both of us. This has been a hard time and we need each other for the support. We hope you understand.</p><p></p><p>All this is predicated on you maintaining your health by staying on medications. We cannot commit to long term financial obligations like a lease if you are unwell. If you don't want to stay on medications we still love you. You're our son and that will never change. Foremost, we acknowledge that the choice is yours alone to make.</p><p></p><p>Whatever your choice we want to maintain a relationship hope you feel the same. Our hearts will always be open to you. Don't ever hesitate to call.</p><p></p><p>Let me know where you land. I have your link card, your phone and clothes for you. I was waiting for you to get out so you could go with me to buy more. I also checked the social security website. As it stands now you have no pending claims for SSI. Perhaps someone at the jail or Thresholds can help you get started.</p><p>Love, Mom and Dad</p><p></p><p>I am leaving for a silent religious retreat tomorrow. It's on the coast of NC and the people are so kind. Last year when I went my husband put me in the limo to the airport and I was sobbing. He had to pack for me. I got there and had no nighties, no shampoo, no hairbrush, but he got me there. I read all sorts of books on how to not let your adult children ruin your life. This time I am fully packed and will be reading strengthening and spiritual works and trying to wring all I can from this precious week. I had intentionally picked this particular retreat because it fell over difficult child 1's birthday. I will need my higher power to get through it.</p><p></p><p>I will be off the internet during this time, but I will be holding all of you in my thoughts and prayers. The strength and knowledge I've derived from this site has been life changing. I'll check in again soon. Janet and MWM I have some questions for you regarding the bipolar experience, but it will have to wait until I get back as I have to be up at 2:30 a.m. to get to the airport on time.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tishthedish, post: 632096, member: 17103"] Wow. Your warm responses overwhelm me. Sharing your personal experiences is so helpful as bipolar is an animal I am struggling to understand. He is still on his medications and is this variable in mood. RE, I've read An Unquiet MInd. It's so good and I tried when to get difficult child 1 to read it when he was asymptomatic. No go. WDIGW, I did just what you suggest. I talked to a very compassionate social worker and she said they would check him, assess his medications and go over his options for aftercare/housing/placement with him. They will also not discuss my calling with him. It sounds like a lot is available as long as he is willing to accept it. Because I never know how he interprets these things after this, husband and I wrote him this letter. I don't know if it was the right thing, but the visit ended so abruptly and we were so taken aback by the enormity of his demands we wanted him to know we were still there for him emotionally. Here it is: Dear difficult child 1, It went badly yesterday. That doesn't matter. You're still our son and we are willing to help. Use the resources from the jail. They offer them. Be open to them. Thresholds is an option. They are in Chicago and throughout the collar counties including McHenry county. They are a wonderful organization. They will set you up with housing, help you get a job and help set up your probation terms so you are able to get there. From there Dad and I will contribute. We will be fair. But we want to be treated with respect and any decisions and visits will involve both of us. This has been a hard time and we need each other for the support. We hope you understand. All this is predicated on you maintaining your health by staying on medications. We cannot commit to long term financial obligations like a lease if you are unwell. If you don't want to stay on medications we still love you. You're our son and that will never change. Foremost, we acknowledge that the choice is yours alone to make. Whatever your choice we want to maintain a relationship hope you feel the same. Our hearts will always be open to you. Don't ever hesitate to call. Let me know where you land. I have your link card, your phone and clothes for you. I was waiting for you to get out so you could go with me to buy more. I also checked the social security website. As it stands now you have no pending claims for SSI. Perhaps someone at the jail or Thresholds can help you get started. Love, Mom and Dad I am leaving for a silent religious retreat tomorrow. It's on the coast of NC and the people are so kind. Last year when I went my husband put me in the limo to the airport and I was sobbing. He had to pack for me. I got there and had no nighties, no shampoo, no hairbrush, but he got me there. I read all sorts of books on how to not let your adult children ruin your life. This time I am fully packed and will be reading strengthening and spiritual works and trying to wring all I can from this precious week. I had intentionally picked this particular retreat because it fell over difficult child 1's birthday. I will need my higher power to get through it. I will be off the internet during this time, but I will be holding all of you in my thoughts and prayers. The strength and knowledge I've derived from this site has been life changing. I'll check in again soon. Janet and MWM I have some questions for you regarding the bipolar experience, but it will have to wait until I get back as I have to be up at 2:30 a.m. to get to the airport on time. [/QUOTE]
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Prison visit with difficult child 1 didn't go well
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