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Prison visit with difficult child 1 didn't go well
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 632129" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Tish, I am really sorry for your ordeal during the prison visit. I don't know if it helps to remember that he is sick or if it is easier to just think he is an ungrateful difficult child who needs to grow up. Both are likely true, sadly.</p><p></p><p>As for bipolar, one major reason that MANY don't take medications is that the manic highs are actually addictive. Some books explain what happens in the brain during these episodes really well (including the second version of the Bipolar Child, though it is written about pediatrician bipolar). Not only does the brain change during mania, it actually produces the same changes that are seen in drug addicts. This means that quite literally the mania is addicting to the bipolar person, and in my opinion it seems like treatment really NEEDS to address this. Plus it needs to be addressed far earlier and not have patients waiting until adulthood for diagnosis because the more mania you experience, the more changes happen in your brain and the harder it will be for you to be on medications and not experiencing the manic highs. I know that the local NAMI bipolar/depression/mood disorder support group addresses this with both patients and families and explains that this is likely part of the reason for so much drug use among people with bipolar - t hey are looking for that manic high while not experiencing it and their brains are already in the grip of the addiction process. One therapist with the support group says that he hopes that soon addiction research will combine with bipolar research to see if maybe the combination can help unlock some of the mysteries of both issues. </p><p></p><p>I hope and pray that you can at some point have a good relationship with difficult child, but he has to be rational and his expectations just are not. Why should you provide all those things for him when he won't even attempt to help and support himself? The world simply does not work that way, and his world really NEEDS to not work that way. The sooner he can accept that he is going to have to really work, the sooner he can deal iwth his life, his problems, and work toward a better life. The more you give him, the longer it will take for him to grow up and 'get it'. Do to Get isn't just a philosophy, it is the way of the world. in my opinion if he won't Do for YOU, you should not give him anything but what he gives you. </p><p></p><p>Be nice to yourself and your husband, and do NOT give your difficult child anything that costs even a penny until he is behaving appropriately. It is good that you left the visit when he became inappropriate. If at all possible, look for books on Reality Therapy and Choice Therapy. My StepMIL teaches this in prisons worldwide - it is a way to help people like your son start to change how they think. I don't know if it is in the prison your son is in, but it not only is amazing, it really works. I believe there are books titled "Reality Therapy" and "Choice Therapy" by Dr. Wm Glasser, and they are truly helpful for parents of difficult children. Well worth the read, and available in bookstores and on amazon.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 632129, member: 1233"] Tish, I am really sorry for your ordeal during the prison visit. I don't know if it helps to remember that he is sick or if it is easier to just think he is an ungrateful difficult child who needs to grow up. Both are likely true, sadly. As for bipolar, one major reason that MANY don't take medications is that the manic highs are actually addictive. Some books explain what happens in the brain during these episodes really well (including the second version of the Bipolar Child, though it is written about pediatrician bipolar). Not only does the brain change during mania, it actually produces the same changes that are seen in drug addicts. This means that quite literally the mania is addicting to the bipolar person, and in my opinion it seems like treatment really NEEDS to address this. Plus it needs to be addressed far earlier and not have patients waiting until adulthood for diagnosis because the more mania you experience, the more changes happen in your brain and the harder it will be for you to be on medications and not experiencing the manic highs. I know that the local NAMI bipolar/depression/mood disorder support group addresses this with both patients and families and explains that this is likely part of the reason for so much drug use among people with bipolar - t hey are looking for that manic high while not experiencing it and their brains are already in the grip of the addiction process. One therapist with the support group says that he hopes that soon addiction research will combine with bipolar research to see if maybe the combination can help unlock some of the mysteries of both issues. I hope and pray that you can at some point have a good relationship with difficult child, but he has to be rational and his expectations just are not. Why should you provide all those things for him when he won't even attempt to help and support himself? The world simply does not work that way, and his world really NEEDS to not work that way. The sooner he can accept that he is going to have to really work, the sooner he can deal iwth his life, his problems, and work toward a better life. The more you give him, the longer it will take for him to grow up and 'get it'. Do to Get isn't just a philosophy, it is the way of the world. in my opinion if he won't Do for YOU, you should not give him anything but what he gives you. Be nice to yourself and your husband, and do NOT give your difficult child anything that costs even a penny until he is behaving appropriately. It is good that you left the visit when he became inappropriate. If at all possible, look for books on Reality Therapy and Choice Therapy. My StepMIL teaches this in prisons worldwide - it is a way to help people like your son start to change how they think. I don't know if it is in the prison your son is in, but it not only is amazing, it really works. I believe there are books titled "Reality Therapy" and "Choice Therapy" by Dr. Wm Glasser, and they are truly helpful for parents of difficult children. Well worth the read, and available in bookstores and on amazon. [/QUOTE]
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Prison visit with difficult child 1 didn't go well
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