Probably worst day of my life...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CareTooMuch, Jun 15, 2018.

  1. CareTooMuch

    CareTooMuch Active Member

    Somewhere, thank you for such a thoughtful response. I absolutely know they did it out of intense love for their grandchild, but the hurt they caused me is immeasurable and, in the end, probably won't help him, at least in the long run. Maybe he will actually follow this path better than he did with us. In the end, all I want is to see my child grow, mature, make healthier decisions and be truly happy. That's all I've ever wanted.
     
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I 100percemt know. I do think your parents should support you.bthey know deep down that you know him best and hurt the most.

    Do what you know is best. As Mom. And someday this may blow over. Grands can learn too.

    Love and light.
     
  3. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    This is why I'm thankful that my parents have experience dealing with Difficult Child's. One of my sisters had her issues till her early 20's and another raised two sons, one of which had a bit of Peter Pan syndrome and the other ended up a meth head for a while. Mom and Dad helped her through dealing with them and were helpful to Lil and I when we were having the serious issues with our son.
     
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  4. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    CareTooMuch,
    I know I'm late to the party but I just wanted you to know I've been thru something similar. My father and I were very close since my mom died when Difficult Child was an infant, and thru all of his issues, we had a falling out as well. Dad wanted to put Difficult Child 'away', like in a mental institution for life or something, and offered to pay for it. I was getting some really weird and anxious vibes from him, apparently he was at the end of his rope with it. Well I found somewhere that would take him for 3 months, but cost 50K. My dad freaked out said some horrible things, suggested we sell our house and all of our cars to finance this rather than ask him for money.
    Anyway that was several years ago and we didn't talk for months and I have never really talked to him about Difficult Child again. His health has taken a turn for the worse, he was diagnosed with dementia over a year ago. It is very sad to lose a support that you relied on.
    I have found that most people cannot handle the daily ins and outs of what we deal with. They are scared and become judgmental because they don't want Difficult Child to be going thru this or us. It is difficult for people to be powerless to help when they care. But it is something we live every day. Such a lonely existence. HUGS.
     
  5. CareTooMuch

    CareTooMuch Active Member

    Thanks bluebell, none of us can imagine that we would go through this in our lives. My parents and I still haven't communicated and I can't honestly imagine what it would be like to talk to them at this point anyway. I'm not happy that they overstepped to the point they did and then left us to deal with ds after the fact. Ds did finish community service and told us that he wouldn't have finished if we hadn't made him leave. But now ds is living back home and we're having to deal with the same things again. I was finally able to breathe again. So where are parents now, and why didn't they figure out a way for him to live after he was finished? It just seems wrong that they took over and enabled him to not learn any lessons from all this, and now it's back up to us. I don't know... I love ds so much- but the disruption he adds to our lives is immense. Hopefully the new job he just started will enable him to move out soon so I can go back to being a mom with a real adult son.
     
  6. bluebell

    bluebell Active Member

    I know how you feel. My dad told my son when he was just starting on this path (around 13) that his father did not graduate high school. We NEVER wanted our kids to know this esp at the age he was and what he was doing. Didn't want them to think that was an option or look down on his father. It really had no relevance, my husband got chicken pox in his senior year and missed so much he just took his GED and went on to college and graduated. That, in my opinion, is NOT a high school dropout. But we were dating at the time and of course my old fashioned dad thought it was the end of the darn world. Left us in a mess and of course gets brought up still to this day by Difficult Child.
     
  7. CareTooMuch

    CareTooMuch Active Member

    Wow, that makes no sense at all. You are not a high school drop out if you get your ged and especially go to college after. His dad obviously had no filter. I guess people are just human and sometimes make mistakes, some minor and some major that can't be fixed. I'm pretty sure we're in the the latter category with parents and perhaps ds if he doesn't see how his choices are affecting him. We never thought our lives would turn out this way.
     
  8. purplepeopleeater

    purplepeopleeater New Member

    Caretomuch,
    I don't know your dad, but in my experience, people often say things in the midst of a traumatic situation that they think differently about later when the drama is done. Also in my experience, men of a former generation rarely apologize but instead pick up in what feels to them to be a better place: apology implied. Dad may need some time to adjust. Going to prison is not "good" for anyone. But taking responsibility for your own actions is good for everyone. What you are going through right now is emotional hell and I am sorry you are there. Stand firm.
     
  9. CareTooMuch

    CareTooMuch Active Member

    Thank you for such a thoughtful reply. We never in our lives anticipated that this type thing would happen to us our family.. ds or parents. He did end up finishing community service but don't know if he's really learned anything for the future. Time will tell.