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Parent Emeritus
Problems with adult adoptive sons
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 643594" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>I think it would be wise of you to find counseling for yourself just so you always feel that there is one person always in your corner - these are all boys you are talking about and sometimes just having that one person that has the time for one on one with you can make all the difference.</p><p></p><p>My eye spies from what you are posting is that perhaps you are (unconscionably or not) still having feelings of competition (especially when she is a POS) with the BM. (As in why would they be mean to me and treat the POS good) Even some of the most abused children want to have a relationship with their abuser. Doesn't make any sense but so it goes. Since she in reality, is no competition to you and the dedication you have given these boys, I would encourage you to find ways to rise above these mean an hurtful things they are doing. Maybe this is a situation where they are feeling divided loyalties oh, and let's not forget all children love to play the "divide and conquer" meaning nice about you to her and mean to you with her, and round and round it goes, seeing who they can "get" the most out of. I don't think that this is something that they do on purpose, actually they may not even be aware (immaturity) of how painful it is. Also, from the child's perspective, think how it must have felt to them when essentially, their BM gave them away when they were old enough to understand what she was doing. What a slap that must have been to them, even if they never communicated it to you. Perhaps now they are jumping through hoops to regain BM's love (what they think it is)</p><p>Join us here to talk your heart out, it must be very painful to be caught up in this situation.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 643594, member: 18366"] I think it would be wise of you to find counseling for yourself just so you always feel that there is one person always in your corner - these are all boys you are talking about and sometimes just having that one person that has the time for one on one with you can make all the difference. My eye spies from what you are posting is that perhaps you are (unconscionably or not) still having feelings of competition (especially when she is a POS) with the BM. (As in why would they be mean to me and treat the POS good) Even some of the most abused children want to have a relationship with their abuser. Doesn't make any sense but so it goes. Since she in reality, is no competition to you and the dedication you have given these boys, I would encourage you to find ways to rise above these mean an hurtful things they are doing. Maybe this is a situation where they are feeling divided loyalties oh, and let's not forget all children love to play the "divide and conquer" meaning nice about you to her and mean to you with her, and round and round it goes, seeing who they can "get" the most out of. I don't think that this is something that they do on purpose, actually they may not even be aware (immaturity) of how painful it is. Also, from the child's perspective, think how it must have felt to them when essentially, their BM gave them away when they were old enough to understand what she was doing. What a slap that must have been to them, even if they never communicated it to you. Perhaps now they are jumping through hoops to regain BM's love (what they think it is) Join us here to talk your heart out, it must be very painful to be caught up in this situation. [/QUOTE]
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Problems with adult adoptive sons
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