Problems with my handy man...ugh

[tinamarie1]

We have lived in this house for 4 months now. Out of that 4 months, the handy man has been here about 4 weeks total. (we rent by the way, so he is sent over by the management company)
He has been here painting the house, all by himself at a snails pace for 2 1/2 of those 4 weeks. Every day he asks to come in and use my bathroom (which i really don't mind too much)...but some days I don't feel good and want to take a nap...but thats hard to do with him needing to come inside 2-3 times.
Then he has to strike up a 30 minute conversation..the last one was about religion and he went to his truck to bring me pamphlets about his church. Thats all fine and good...but in an attempt to ward him off, I told him I am baptist and we just aren't going to agree on lots of stuff. Well then he began asking me "like what?" and I gave him a few examples to which he said he wanted me to SHOW him where in the bible it says that.
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Ok, fast forward to todays events:
He and the property manager were both here when i got home from the grocery store today. They were blocking my whole drive way, so I had to park on the street and lug my groceries across the lawn, up the steps and into the house. Then I fell in the yard, so I was MAD enough to go ask them to move their cars which they did.
Then when I was walking through the house, I see this package in my den. Its a big package, I walk over to it and realize its the electric blankets my mother in law ordered for the kids. Then I do a double take and come back to stare at the package, wondering how the heck it got in my house. I call husband and nope he didn't recieve the package. I ask the kids, nope (they would have tore into it immediately)...so I call Fed Ex..and guess what? Someone signed for it when I was gone this morning. The only person here was the handy man. That tells me HE came into my house some how when I wasn't home. K, I am starting to get freaked out.
Just then it hits me...I AM ABOUT TO PEE MY PANTS...so I run to the bathroom off of the kitchen. Just as I am relieving my self, I hear the handy man calling my name. (he is in the house NOW)...I tell him hold on a minute! He is getting closer, he is saying something and I say again, PLEASE wait!! and I hear him in the kitchen, like 4 feet from where I am peeing with the door open. So I slam the bathroom door and lock it. Finish peeing and come out and hes standing in my kitchen. I said, can I help you?
He said yeah, can I was my paint brushes off in your sink? (there are 2 water faucets outside, so wha?)....I tell him that i don't know about him washing outside paint down my kitchen sink! he says, oh it won't hurt it. then he strikes up another conversation. I am getting really . I put up my groceries and try to ignore him.
I told husband all of this and he is LIVID. I called the property management lady and told her all of this, to which she said, "he is a really good christian man, this doesn't sound like him"...then she sighed and said she would talk to him about it tomorrow.
I am such a chicken, I can't confront someone face to face like that especially now that I feel creeped out that he was in my house when I wasn't here!
The only thing she said she would say to him is "don't go into her house unless you are invited". she defended him with the paint thing saying it is washable (OUTSIDE house paint is washable??), and then she asked me if I left my doors unlocked today when I left. What freaking difference does that make? IF you go into someones house when they are not there, that is trespassing.
I am so shaken up by this.

 

[1905]

Oh God!!! You need to have a talk with that freak. Let husband do it. He needs to be firm, he's gotten the wrong idea about his role. Don't let him in to use the bathroom, don't get involved at all in any discussion about anything. Who cares if he rings the bell? Don't answer it.

 

[Star*]

Tina,

Get your locks changed IMMEDIATELY and send the bill to your mgmt. company. They may have given him a key at one time and he thinks it's ok to come in if he has a key. But DO get the locks ALL OF THEM changed.

Check all your window locks as well and make sure all the screens are in place or storm windows (depending)

As far as him washing paint in your sink - well that's just dumb. There are latex, exterior house paints - but DF is a plumber and would just cringe if I EVER washed a brush off in the sink. And yes, it DOES matter - it's your home.

As far as following you to the back - Lock your door behind you when you come in from now on. EVERY TIME. What he did was not normal behavior. He's not your brother or your best friend.

As far as the literature. I would hand it back to him and tell him that you've discussed it with your pastor and will continue to have all religious conversations in regards to things you aren't sure about with the shepherd of the flock you belong to.

I would not be rude to him, but the mgr. telling him he can't come in unless invited is weak. He'll invite himself since he has already figured out that you won't stand up to him.
Don't feel bad, most women won't.

For a time - you may even want to get a po box.

I have been stalked and worse, and I'm not a worry wart. I'm just cautious and educated. Also I would get a little spray can of mace or pepper spray for your key ring.

As far as him signing for the package and putting it in your home? THAT would be a HUGE HUGE no no and I would confront him but I'm me and I'm not nice - you, are nice, but you don't have to be ugly to get your point across. Its YOUR home. YOU pay the rent and YOU have a right to your privacy.

I just don't' think you can be too careful anymore. And the next time he comes to the door to ask to use your bathroom, politely say "I'm sorry we've had an incident here recently (doesn't have to know it's him) and I'm not allowing anyone into our home." WHen you are talking to him use words like WE< OUR not I and my.

Don't be afraid to be afraid - just put a stop to it now.

Hugs
Star

 

[Hound dog]

I second Star on this.

Ohhhhhh, just plain creepy.

Hugs

 

[TerryJ2]

What a pest.

Obviously, he needs boundaries and you have to draw them. If you're home and you don't want him inside, tell him as he's ready to leave for the day, "Tomorrow I have XYZ to do and need to concentrate and focus, and I will lock the door, so you'll have to use the faucet outside. I'm sure when you go to lunch at McD, you can use their restroom."

If he brings up religion again, simply say you don't have time to talk and be rude if you have to. Pretend he's your difficult child!!!

I cannot tell you how many handymen and tree trimmers I have had who tried to save my soul. husband just walks away, rudely. It's pretty funny because he's religious and I'm not. But guys are so much better than women most of the time at just walking away.

He doesn't have a key, does he? He can't come "alone" in unless the mgmt company comes with-him, right?

 

[tinamarie1]

The property manager said he does NOT have a key. And she (the manager) totally was defending him. She told me that this really really surprises her because "he is the most honest, christian man" she knows and she lets him work on her personal home.
But Im telling yall, I have met people I have trusted and one of them was Danny Rollins the man who killed all of those college kids in Florida...yeah he was an asst. manager at a restaurant I worked at when I was in high school. He even drove me home once!
The other was when husband and I were first married, we lived in a duplex and I could hear this man verbally abusing his wife, I told my land lady and she defended him because he was taking care of his wife who was in a wheel chair, so that made him a saint.
Until one day he peed on my front porch and later that day tried to sell us every thing he owned, saying he had to leave town in a hurry. I called the cops and an hour later, we returned home to find our duplex surrounded by the SWAT team and the man on his roof with a shot gun. He had warrants out for child molesting and drug dealing and was not going down without a fight.
I mean, people on Americas most wanted appear "normal"...or even like great men and women. I know I am really freaking myself out here. But, I have had a few close calls.
Im kind of afraid that this will make him mad when the manager confronts him. oh how i wish soooo bad that husband was off work tomorrow, i do not want to be here alone.

 

[Marguerite]

Tina, this is about boundaries. And it really does depend on the person.

mother in law has just had a lot of work done on her house, all of it by local village tradesmen. She was often out (although she tried to be home when they were working) so she would leave the house unlocked for them. Sometimes if she was unsure of a bloke, she got me to stay at the house until she got home, so there was someone for the tradesman. And OK, the main worker was also painting the inside of the house, so he HAS to come inside, right?

I think once or twice a tradesman (the painter) signed for a package and put it on her table. He told her about it when she got in. I'm not sure if they were using her loo, it's a small enough town so their own home isn't too far away, they would be popping back home for this and that all day.

This bloke that has been working at your place - he sees that you've given him permission to use the loo. Plus you've let him give you pamphlets and he's tried to discuss things with you, he feels you are in the category of 'friend' and 'potential convert' and for someone like this, it's all justified if it's in the name of evangelism (hey, I have some great tracts on evolutionary theory for you, it if will help; how about a copy of Richard Dawkins's "The Blind Watchmaker" left in your loo?)
The issue here is, you don't feel comfortable with him coming in to your house when you are not home. He needs to know this.

There may not be anything sinister about him - if there were, what difference would it make? I mean, we could cross paths with axe murderers every so often without knowing it, they don't advertise. Just because he's a bit inappropriate doesn't make him more likely to be an axe murderer, he should respond perfectly fine to being told, "It makes me feel uncomfortable having you in the house when I'm not here; please don't use the loo if I'm not home. And please, ALWAYS, wash out brushes outside because I only want my kitchen sinks to have had food-related stuff in them, not chemicals."
You could also address the tracts issue with, "While you are working here, it's not the right time to discuss religion, we both have jobs to get on with. Maybe some other time if I go to your church, we could talk then. Or if you came to my church. But otherwise, it's not appropriate, it is slowing me down in getting my chores done."

My cleaner is "a good Christian man" who is also a bit weird. We do talk religion sometimes but only when we are both working on the same task, and I have learned to avoid setting him off. I was brought up in the church and I've seen doctrine shift to the point where I feel a stranger in churches these days; he is a recent convert who finds my statement tat doctrine has shifted in recent decades, to be heresy. I don't get angry with him when he calls me a heretic, although I probably should. I just point out that a lot of the ideas he's been given would have been seen as fringe or alternative, in the church where I grew up.

Too often, "good Christians" put evangelism at the top of what they must do, higher even than getting their job done. A very high premium is set in some churches to get out there and bring home a few scalps. And too often, it's other Christians who are targetted even more, especially if their views differ from the evangelist's. If you'd told him you were atheist, or Buddhist, he would probably be leaving you alone. But another Christian is a soft target (speaking from experience). He is now determined to test you to see if your faith is as good as his (which is the arrogant position usually taken up by a lot of amateur evangelists).

I've developed enough confidence in my faith and knowledge in the Bible, to be able to handle myself with these people. But if you are at all unsure of your ability to argue effectively or even speak in public, do not try to engage an evangelist. As you said (or someone did), talk to your pastor if you need spiritual guidance. At least your pastor has had some training!

Don't be afraid. Just tell him, "I don't want you just coming inside, I need to feel secure in my personal space." And tell the manager you've told him this. And make sure you keep the door locked, especially when you go out.

Do not be afraid he will suddenly turn aggressive - if you're polite but firm, he should be fine with this. If he DOES turn nasty (unlikely) you will have been handed (on a silver platter, like a certain prophet's head) a very good reason to get him thrown off the job at your place.

He probably thought he was doing a good deed, signing for your special deliveries. In our village, such deliveries would get sent back to head office and we'd have to wait weeks before they tried to deliver again, and again there might be nobody home. And a package needing to be signed for - it's probably valuable enough to not want it left outside for any thief to get.

But still - set the boundaries for him, thank him for his thoughtfulness but tell him it really bothered you AND your husband, having a stranger in your home while you were out.

And another point - mention husband as much as you can. A "good Christian man" should value the sanctity of a good marriage.

Mind you, I have found too often, sadly, that a lot of men, especially trademen, who use the "I am a good Christian" overmuch, are only a veneer of respectability.

And if all else fails and the manager won't do anything - you could always have a talk to this man's pastor.

And now I'm being REALLY nasty!

Marg

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

SHEEEEEEEESH!!!


Yeah, that's a bit creepy. ((((hugs))))

 

[susiestar]

I fully feel that you should RESPECT YOUR INSTINCTS. If the landlady feels comfortable having him in her personal home, tell him he should go there to use the restroom.

<span style='font-size: 12'>CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!!!

LOCK THE DOORS AND WINDOWS!!!!!</span>

As your landlady will not listen to you, do not send her a copy of the key. Send her a statement that you will be happy to have this man work in your home IF and ONLY IF he is escorted by her AT ALL TIMES.

Do NOT offer landlady a copy of the keys. I might be tempted to eat the cost of the new locks and to not send her a copy.

As for the sinks, Don't let him in.

Have husband tell him to stay out of the house unless he is home. If you need repairs are you willing to wait until husband can be home to have them scheduled? Or is there someone in your family or church you would feel safe having with you while this man fixes whatever?

You might also want to contact the local police to see exactly what your rights are. NOT to cause a confrontation, but if he walks in again without asking dial 911. Esp if it is you or you and the kids.

He may be a harmless person who wants to convert you. He may not be.

But you should always follow your instincts.

Susie