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<blockquote data-quote="hope2hope" data-source="post: 729041" data-attributes="member: 22856"><p>Thank you for your replies. It is a long road. It started with this is "a growing stage" to heading towards a major problem. Since I grew up with many addictive relatives I knew the warning signs in the beginning when he truly started to show cracks in his lifestyle (small cracks).</p><p></p><p>Early on, we started family counseling more for my husband and I to have some guidance on how to deal with it and possibly turn it around early. The counselor initially focused on my childhood and said that I may be too sensitive to "normal college experience". I told him that I dealt with my childhood stuff--and there was a lot of it--earlier in my life and my mother's instinct knew this was more than just having a good time. This counselor worked in the addiction field for at least 10 years so I thought he would be more helpful.</p><p></p><p>After my instincts panned out in the first failing semester (second semester at school) we REQUIRED one on one counseling over the summer. Since son wouldn't choose his own counselor we told him he would need to continue with family counselor on one-to-one basis if he wanted to go back to school. It turned out to be a waste of time because he spent most of the 5 or 6 sessions proving to the guy that my son was okay, and that this guy was an "idiot". My son had switched his major to psychology so now was an expert on all matters of counseling ! </p><p></p><p>Goes back to school and promises to get counseling. He is at a major university where a lot of resources are available! Seems more clear headed and focused. Sadly, this lasted a very short time and he flunked 2 of 5 classes (he ignored my suggestion to take a lighter load), and barely passed the other classes. Had a medical emergency around Thanksgiving which required overnight hospitalization (OD on Benadryl--couldn't fall asleep and liver was probably compromised from weekend partying). Cost us $1300 out of pocket just for that! We were surprised the toxicology screen only showed Benadryl and not other drugs.</p><p></p><p>[by the way, my husband and I went back to the counselor after we decided to pull the plug on college to see if there was anything else we could do to turn the situation around. He was SHOCKED at how bad the situation had progressed, and said to me, "you were right all along!"...Gee thanks!]. End of 3rd semester (around Christmas) we tell him his college days are over for now and he is not returning unless he can pay for it himself. At this point, no fighting just expressing defeat and clearly depressed. Got through the holidays and cleaned out dorm. In mid-January we tell him it is time to get a job and start paying rent. He initially balks at the amount and says he can just live on his own to which we tell him that we will help him move....not sarcastically but for real. He is good at math and quickly realizes that won't fly!</p><p></p><p>Now we are "biding our time". The good--he is working, paying rent, and seems to be more clear headed. The bad--still falls back to partying with "friends" and then takes about a week to recover, no major plans for the near future (we talked to him), and avoids family (always working when we are home). He doesn't think he has a drug problem and says he is not using (we don't believe anything anymore), still hasn't sought counseling because now he has "no time".</p><p></p><p>Someone asked whether I thought he was "addicted"....not sure. He definitely walks the line and is at great risk of it getting worse. He seems to have some deep, dark thoughts that he doesn't want to share with anyone and feels he needs to see a psychologist....even though he won't make an appointment. </p><p></p><p>This time now of him working, paying minimal rent, and living at home is temporary. We told him he is turning 21 this summer and he will need to have a DEFINITE plan to move out or go back to school. He says he knows but I don't see any actual planning or concern for the future. It hurts so much to see his life go off track and have little or no influence on the outcomes. </p><p></p><p>He's the oldest of 3 kids. The only "blessing" is we are open with his younger siblings (17 and 13) and tell them this is what happens to a high achieving person with big dreams who thinks they can "experiment" with drugs. Booze-marijuana-ecstasy-percoset......the extremely fast progression to nowhere !</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hope2hope, post: 729041, member: 22856"] Thank you for your replies. It is a long road. It started with this is "a growing stage" to heading towards a major problem. Since I grew up with many addictive relatives I knew the warning signs in the beginning when he truly started to show cracks in his lifestyle (small cracks). Early on, we started family counseling more for my husband and I to have some guidance on how to deal with it and possibly turn it around early. The counselor initially focused on my childhood and said that I may be too sensitive to "normal college experience". I told him that I dealt with my childhood stuff--and there was a lot of it--earlier in my life and my mother's instinct knew this was more than just having a good time. This counselor worked in the addiction field for at least 10 years so I thought he would be more helpful. After my instincts panned out in the first failing semester (second semester at school) we REQUIRED one on one counseling over the summer. Since son wouldn't choose his own counselor we told him he would need to continue with family counselor on one-to-one basis if he wanted to go back to school. It turned out to be a waste of time because he spent most of the 5 or 6 sessions proving to the guy that my son was okay, and that this guy was an "idiot". My son had switched his major to psychology so now was an expert on all matters of counseling ! Goes back to school and promises to get counseling. He is at a major university where a lot of resources are available! Seems more clear headed and focused. Sadly, this lasted a very short time and he flunked 2 of 5 classes (he ignored my suggestion to take a lighter load), and barely passed the other classes. Had a medical emergency around Thanksgiving which required overnight hospitalization (OD on Benadryl--couldn't fall asleep and liver was probably compromised from weekend partying). Cost us $1300 out of pocket just for that! We were surprised the toxicology screen only showed Benadryl and not other drugs. [by the way, my husband and I went back to the counselor after we decided to pull the plug on college to see if there was anything else we could do to turn the situation around. He was SHOCKED at how bad the situation had progressed, and said to me, "you were right all along!"...Gee thanks!]. End of 3rd semester (around Christmas) we tell him his college days are over for now and he is not returning unless he can pay for it himself. At this point, no fighting just expressing defeat and clearly depressed. Got through the holidays and cleaned out dorm. In mid-January we tell him it is time to get a job and start paying rent. He initially balks at the amount and says he can just live on his own to which we tell him that we will help him move....not sarcastically but for real. He is good at math and quickly realizes that won't fly! Now we are "biding our time". The good--he is working, paying rent, and seems to be more clear headed. The bad--still falls back to partying with "friends" and then takes about a week to recover, no major plans for the near future (we talked to him), and avoids family (always working when we are home). He doesn't think he has a drug problem and says he is not using (we don't believe anything anymore), still hasn't sought counseling because now he has "no time". Someone asked whether I thought he was "addicted"....not sure. He definitely walks the line and is at great risk of it getting worse. He seems to have some deep, dark thoughts that he doesn't want to share with anyone and feels he needs to see a psychologist....even though he won't make an appointment. This time now of him working, paying minimal rent, and living at home is temporary. We told him he is turning 21 this summer and he will need to have a DEFINITE plan to move out or go back to school. He says he knows but I don't see any actual planning or concern for the future. It hurts so much to see his life go off track and have little or no influence on the outcomes. He's the oldest of 3 kids. The only "blessing" is we are open with his younger siblings (17 and 13) and tell them this is what happens to a high achieving person with big dreams who thinks they can "experiment" with drugs. Booze-marijuana-ecstasy-percoset......the extremely fast progression to nowhere ! [/QUOTE]
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