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Protecting Ourselves from Adult difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636771" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Wow. Read this just before I am going to turn in and here is my two cents. You can take it or leave it. It will be blunt, but I do want you to know I am hurting for you as I read this. My own son did harm my daughter, although I didn't know it until they were both gone and I don't know exactly how as she refuses to tell me. And she WASN'T on the spectrum. They have no relationship, but she is capable of setting boundaries. A spectrum kid probably can't. I have a spectrum kid too.</p><p></p><p>I would, for Bubby's sake, cut the contact with JT and if you can move, move. Don't tell him where you are. It sounds drastic, I know, but what WILL he do to his brother if he is allowed to have contact with him??? To get back at you, probably anything. Your son has no conscience and is probably a sociopath and you can't save him and you know that well. Why risk your other child who is going to be vulnerable all his life? by the way, I do have guardianship over my spectrum son and it works out well. He likes it, I can help him when he needs it and help him make decisions, which he has trouble doing. I also take care of doling out my autistic son's money to him. If I didn't, he has no impulse control and would spend it all the first day he got it. I think you have to do what you have to do to protect your younger son from JT. Is he the one who robbed your father? I can't remember. At any rate, if you feel he is a danger to the younger child, do what you know you have to do. Think with your head, not your heart. Autistic adults tend to remain very vulnerable and trusting beyond the norm.I like that Sonic has a caseworker who looks out for him. Try to get services for Bubby so he also has a caseworker who will look out for him, even when you no longer can.</p><p></p><p>I think you adopted JT, right? I'm tired so I may be a little forgetful. If you adopted him, and it was not an infant adoption, you did not make JT this way. He is genetically wired differently and, very sadly for your entire family, not in a good way.</p><p></p><p>My own son has antisocial traits and, yes, it is heartbreaking. It was something I knew about him even when he was very young. I hoped it would improve. It never did. He left a trail of things he did and people he hurt and now has really nobody except me and his clueless father who will still talk to him. He won't admit what he has done. He will claim he didn't do it or doesn't remember that year of his life and he lies and gaslights and he could be very dangerous in the right mindset.</p><p></p><p>So I feel for you.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could sound more optimistic, but I had to protect my two youngest kids from my son and I think you have to do the same thing with yours too.</p><p></p><p>You can do this. You are strong. We are all on your side. Try to have a good night.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636771, member: 1550"] Wow. Read this just before I am going to turn in and here is my two cents. You can take it or leave it. It will be blunt, but I do want you to know I am hurting for you as I read this. My own son did harm my daughter, although I didn't know it until they were both gone and I don't know exactly how as she refuses to tell me. And she WASN'T on the spectrum. They have no relationship, but she is capable of setting boundaries. A spectrum kid probably can't. I have a spectrum kid too. I would, for Bubby's sake, cut the contact with JT and if you can move, move. Don't tell him where you are. It sounds drastic, I know, but what WILL he do to his brother if he is allowed to have contact with him??? To get back at you, probably anything. Your son has no conscience and is probably a sociopath and you can't save him and you know that well. Why risk your other child who is going to be vulnerable all his life? by the way, I do have guardianship over my spectrum son and it works out well. He likes it, I can help him when he needs it and help him make decisions, which he has trouble doing. I also take care of doling out my autistic son's money to him. If I didn't, he has no impulse control and would spend it all the first day he got it. I think you have to do what you have to do to protect your younger son from JT. Is he the one who robbed your father? I can't remember. At any rate, if you feel he is a danger to the younger child, do what you know you have to do. Think with your head, not your heart. Autistic adults tend to remain very vulnerable and trusting beyond the norm.I like that Sonic has a caseworker who looks out for him. Try to get services for Bubby so he also has a caseworker who will look out for him, even when you no longer can. I think you adopted JT, right? I'm tired so I may be a little forgetful. If you adopted him, and it was not an infant adoption, you did not make JT this way. He is genetically wired differently and, very sadly for your entire family, not in a good way. My own son has antisocial traits and, yes, it is heartbreaking. It was something I knew about him even when he was very young. I hoped it would improve. It never did. He left a trail of things he did and people he hurt and now has really nobody except me and his clueless father who will still talk to him. He won't admit what he has done. He will claim he didn't do it or doesn't remember that year of his life and he lies and gaslights and he could be very dangerous in the right mindset. So I feel for you. I wish I could sound more optimistic, but I had to protect my two youngest kids from my son and I think you have to do the same thing with yours too. You can do this. You are strong. We are all on your side. Try to have a good night. [/QUOTE]
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