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Substance Abuse
Protecting Ourselves from Adult difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 636878" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>This may be hard to hear but if it were me I would start preparing for a life without JT in it. He will be 21 soon, he is an adult now. Hopefully he will make his life further and further from you. I would not encourage him to contact you or come visit. You may want to contact an attorney to see what preparations you can make for guardianship over your younger son. I would also protect your assets so that your younger son can be taken care of when you are gone.</p><p></p><p>I did not realize you adopted JT at 4 after he had lived with you for 2 years. I suspect he has some attachment disorder and never made the normal bonds children make with their parents. My daughter acted very similar to your son. We adopted her at 3 days old and from the very beginning she seemed to reject us and everything important to us. It wasn't until she was about 21 years old that she acted like she really wanted to be connected to us at all. I always suspected sociopath or borderline disorder. We are fortunate because she is much better, but she is now on her own and our boundaries are firm.</p><p></p><p>I would have very little contact with him, cut the conversation short. When he begins talking about things that are upsetting just calmly tell him you have to go. I didn't read everyone's responses but just now saw that 2much2recover said the same thing about no contact. You can;t fix him, whatever made him like he is was done long ago before he was born. You have a husband and another son to take care of, and yourself of course.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 636878, member: 59"] This may be hard to hear but if it were me I would start preparing for a life without JT in it. He will be 21 soon, he is an adult now. Hopefully he will make his life further and further from you. I would not encourage him to contact you or come visit. You may want to contact an attorney to see what preparations you can make for guardianship over your younger son. I would also protect your assets so that your younger son can be taken care of when you are gone. I did not realize you adopted JT at 4 after he had lived with you for 2 years. I suspect he has some attachment disorder and never made the normal bonds children make with their parents. My daughter acted very similar to your son. We adopted her at 3 days old and from the very beginning she seemed to reject us and everything important to us. It wasn't until she was about 21 years old that she acted like she really wanted to be connected to us at all. I always suspected sociopath or borderline disorder. We are fortunate because she is much better, but she is now on her own and our boundaries are firm. I would have very little contact with him, cut the conversation short. When he begins talking about things that are upsetting just calmly tell him you have to go. I didn't read everyone's responses but just now saw that 2much2recover said the same thing about no contact. You can;t fix him, whatever made him like he is was done long ago before he was born. You have a husband and another son to take care of, and yourself of course. [/QUOTE]
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